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Sabrina Lovece

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    Yes i will look into it. Thank you I lived 30 years in Switzerland. I am swiss and Italien. Duel nationality, i worked in private Banking, international settlements was my Job. My older daughter lived half London half Switzerland of her life . Cynthia missed Ellie so much and felt alone with her various babysitters with me working all the time. Now Ellie is in Switzerland working and I live in Cyprus. I lost my Job in Switzerland and then worked for Tui Thomson French guests 2016 untill 2017 then, they didn't take me back because the French didn't book again Cyprus! Language barrier for the french. Cynthia came over 3 months and worked as weil in the same Tui hotel. We speak 4 languages. Cynthia did too. Now i am self employed with Entertainer Business. Elvis Tribute Shows for Hotels. Not exactly easy. Cut throat really. Pays bad and I am not sure how long i can survive it. Alround pretty grim. I will take it by the Day and See what happens. Not much else to do really.

    I flew back to Switzerland for the funeral. I saw Cynthia and they prepared her best as possible. She was cremated. The Restaurant bit and relatives and friends side, i did not attend. I was not interested in this. Our family has never been a family. My mother father etc.. Not a good family, just this much to say about them. They didn't even attend anyway. I didn't want to see my ex husband either. He was evil to us. My older daughter 29 years is my only family. She organised everything, and Costs again, left to us. I am back abroad again as i have nothing left over there. Except my daughter. But workwise there is nothing there. The death of Cynthia has brought up other things that I was trying to suppress. I feel alone. I was always alone in this family. Always put down. Not taken seriously. Now its just another degree of confirmation how alone i really am. Its no surprise, so i don't know why i am so angry and feeling... why me... feeling. Being a Victim is not usually my thing.

    This is very true. Again i See you are further in forgiving, than me in your grief. I understand what you are saying and I will try not to blame. Sometimes the anger sets in and I struggle with my emotions. Its comforting to know there are so many other parents struggling with a great loss. Bigger than anything else i have encountered. Its a new terrible feeling i need to control. Working on, smiling in my Job. Watching families enjoying their meals. Laughing together and I am there making sure their holiday is memorable. While i would prefer to stay in bed and never get up again. Cynthia is happy where she is now. I think thats what s keeping me going. Thank you for your reply. Me Too is truly comforting.

    You are so true in what you say. We probably know God calls his chosen one.s early . I just hope They are happy in their, the Ball of energy and light. Where everything is forgiving and everything is good. I choose to see it this way. Cynthia left too soon. But i think she chose to go, she always said Mama the World is unfair, she felt things more than others. She suffered more than others and was a pure soul. She could not take any injustice and played against the system already at school she was different and teachers could not reach her. She wanted mummy and wanted to stay home with me most of the time. Life was too harsh. Divorce, cold father. I had to work full time. Give her to babysitters who didn't really care. Cynthia drifted more into herself. She wanted me and her sister nobody else. Life didn't work that way. Her sister moved to London. Studied there. I worked more and more. Cynthia became sadder and lonely. Waiting for the Bus to arrive in the evening with me on it. The school System decided she needed more attention and sent her away. Thats when the Desaster started. Cynthia hated the new place and cried and cried. From there the downhill started. We could not reach or change the system, who always thinks its right! . But our bond never ended or her sisters. We always cared and I saved her many times. But the last two years were not so easy. I was abroad and saw Cynthia maybe only 3 months. She got involved with some strange people. Easily lead. Easily influenced by them. Looking for a father Figure she went with older men. Who used her but were clever enough to hide their true colours from their wives. Cynthia saw coldness in this World and towards the end was sure she was to blame. When its absolutly not the case. She was not to blame. She was the Product of this sad relationship with my ex husband who was cold and cared only about himself. Even the funeral was left to me and her sister. We were her only bond and her only hope. Closer than most siblings. Her sister grieves like a parent more than a sister. We were all she had and she was all we had. Now we are empty and alone with guilt. Anger towards many mistakes made by the system. Not seeing Cynthia as a sad child but as a burden. Cynthia is in a good place now. Smiling and at peace. A Ball of light shining bright, looking upon us with a higher understanding than i can ever have. Forgiving and Loving, more than i can ever be. I am left with Anger and want justice, in a World where justice is as rare as Cynthia was.

    Thank you! Beautiful words, touching and deep. I am coming to Terms with many aspects of my guilt. Especially leaving for the Job abroad. My Cynthia was always looking for her mummy. Even when she was at school she played up so they would ring me at the Bank and she knew i would come running. I left her too early maybe. I left her at the wrong time. But when is the right time? A great loss a Beautiful girl. will always remember her Beautiful Angel face. Thank you God Bless you!

    I thought about this for a while, i came to the conclusion i want to share this. Why? I don't know, maybe to help me grieve. Or hear from anyone out there with the same destiny as me. Who can cope? who can advise, how to live at all, after this! My daughter died Tuesday 12.12.17 just weeks before Christmas. It was Sudden and a complete shock and Horror. As she had booked her flight to See me Saturday 13.1.18, and had many Plans for 2018! She was just 22 years old. The Police say Suicide. I don't know what to say... All i Know is its so final and so devastating. Leaving so many questions open, such guilt and great emptiness. Cynthia had so many friends and so many dreams! Horror. Sadness. Anger. Guilt. Blame. Memories. Regrets. Its a big empty space, this World now! Nothing can ever be the same again. I blame myself because i moved abroad for a seasonal Job in the Sun. After I lost my Job back home and saw no way getting a new one again due to my Position and Salary. Thinking Cynthia would cope without me, which she could cope in the beginning, but then things got too complicated. Before i could See her again, it was too late. its all too late. All i have left is "if only....." RIP my Beautiful Cynthia 17.8.95-12.12.17 MovieCreator_20171213195150.mp4