I applogize that this might be a long story but I figure that this is a place that I can share my feelings. I’m suffering so much and I don’t know what to do.
Yesterday (January 3rd, 2018) I suddenly lost my cat named K-Lee. It’s an odd way to spell her name but my dad chose to spell it like that. From what I remember, he was joking about something to do with canines/K-9 but of course she was a cat and we wanted a name similar to the cat we had years ago named Cali. As a result, somehow, K-Lee became her name.
The night before she passed, she was fine. She came to me when I was watching a movie on my laptop and curled up in my blankets next to me. She vomitted an hour or so ago but honestly it wasn’t uncommon. I don’t remember what the actual name of this condition was, but from what I remember our vet informed us a few years ago she was allergic to some sort of bacteria in her mouth (or around her teeth) which could upset her stomach and eventually over time she would lose her teeth. And it happened, but she still seemed fine and ate her food despite the lack of her teeth to help chew.
Before I went to bed that night she snuggled up next to me. And the thing about her, she never really did that unless she was cold or not feeling well. But with how she was acting after vomitting, she seemed fine and was purring and sleeping peacefully. And despite living in Hawaii, it was a chilly night and I just thought things were like they normally were. When I woke up however, my life changed so much. I didn’t get woken up from her knocking down my things.
Inssteas, I heard my brother come out of his room as she made a loud meow. She was so tiny that it was the first time I’ve ever heard her meow so loud. My dad tried to comfort her as best as he could but he had to leave for work soon. Her eyes were large, her breathing was heavy, she couldn’t move or walk. It was the worst thing seeing her like that. My dad was able to contact the vet and my brother and I took her as he had to go to work. When we were finally able to see the vet, she couldn’t move, her arms were stretched out in front of her and she made another painful meow as they tried to get her weight. Even during the car ride there, she couldn’t move and would flop over in her cage when my brother made his turns. I saw them give her multiple shots to help her breathe since her breathing sounded horrible. The vet then said it might have been a blood clot, a seizure, or a stroke. They took her away to get some x-rays done and we were sent to wait outside. It felt like forever waiting to be called back and I shed a few tears but I was hopeful things would be okay.
When they showed us the x-rays they said she seemed fine. Nothing was wrong with her lungs or anything. Her potassium levels were low and her blood sugar was high but they were going to give her an IV to help her as she was dehydrated as well. She also said it might have been a stroke or some sort of neurological issue. After that I honestly thought she was in good hands. The vet said she had to stay in the pet hospital and we could visit any time or call for updates. But it was at that moment I made the worse mistake of my life. It’s something I regret so much. I should have asked to see her before we left because an hour or two later I woke up from a nap and received the devastating call from my dad that she had passed.
I was alone at home and cried my eyes out. I was mad at myself, I questioned why she was gone and what I could have done. I wished I had stayed up longer that night and maybe I could have been there when she was experiencing her stroke or whatever happened to her. I could have gotten her to the vet immediately. She was only 10 years old and I wasn’t prepared for this. I thought I had a few more years left with her. I look around my house and all I see is the places that she used to sleep or walk or sit on. My room had her food bowls and her litter box and it’s hard to be in there.
The same day she passed I went to see her one last time. I was always worried about forgetting how she felt or smelt like. But when I got to hold her deceased body it wasn’t the same. I could barely smell her past the chemical smell from the area where they inserted the IV into her paw. She felt so hard and the colors on her paw pads were white. My parents said she looked like she could be sleeping or could wake up at any moment since one of her eyes was slightly opened. I cried and kissed her and couldn’t believe that she was fine yesterday and gone the next. Her eyes were slightly watery too and my tears kept falling on her face.
It’s the start of the new year and I’m torn apart. Next week I start my last semester of college before I graduate and I don’t know how to feel. I cry and cry and miss her so much. I don’t know how to deal with all this. I lost my baby yesterday and I don’t know how to carry on. Everything hurts. My back hurts, my chest hurts, my heart hurts and I feel like I can’t wait to live out my entire life to see her again. I’m only 22 and it feels like torture to have to go on and not see her in my room or in the house. We’re having her cremated and we plan on having her in my room but still...it hurts. I try to think positive thoughts and I try to tell myself that everything l do will be in memory of her but it’s still so hard.