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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

TKH

Members
  • Content count

    4
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About TKH

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Loss Type
    Cat
  • Angel Date
    January 3, 2018
  1. A terrible start to the new year

    @Ruby40 I’m so sorry to hear that. You’re definitely not alone when it comes to this kind of loss. And I’m sure like a lot of the other kind people on these forums, you definitely have the support of myself and others to lean on during this tough time. I too am going through something similar to you when it comes to our other pets. Aside from my cat, K-Lee, I also have an 8 year old golden retriever named Molli and I feel like a terrible mom. I feel like I’m not paying that much attention to her. When I would…yknow cry about K-Lee, it almost seemed like Molli wasn’t too bothered at all. I think over time she’s noticed K-Lee’s absence from the home. But I also would like to think that maybe...just maybe, she can see K-Lee's spirit wandering around the house and that's why she doesn't seem to be too affected by her absence. I love Molli as much as I love K-Lee but I think because K-Lee was my first pet that I raised and because she was always near me, our relationship was like you and Mak. It's just so hard to deal with something like this.
  2. A terrible start to the new year

    Thank you so so much @KayC for the words of advice and for showing me that video. When I received a text from my aunt a few days ago, she mentioned the rainbow bridge and I wasn’t quite sure what she meant. At first I just thought it was something nice to say but after watching that video, it made me tear up a lot. Because school has started, I’ve shifted back into my school mode, where all I can think about is the work that I need to do. When I’m just thinking of school, I feel like how I was before K-Lee passed. But whenever I come home, and especially when I think of her absence, it hits me a bit hard. It’s been a week since she’s left and I feel so conflicted because this semester is definitely the most stressful one I’ve had my entire college journey. But at the same, I just realized how her presence has always been a source of comfort for me during these stressful times. I have a golden retriever named Molli still here but it’s not the same. I love Molli as well but I know that between cats and dogs, I lean towards cats just a bit more. So not having a cat at home pains me a lot. I don’t really have a lot of friends who have cats or a cat that I can just…pet or hold. One of my best friends that’s still here in my town does have her family’s cat but he’s not very sociable and the fact that he’s 15+ years old just makes me feel slightly envious…which also makes me feel guilty for being envious of his longevity. I know I’m not ready to raise and love another cat just yet, as it’s only been a week, but I’m just so lost. And I’m constantly worried that I’ll forget all my memories with her too. I keep looking at photos of her on my phone but it bothers me that its only now, after she's gone, that I'm noticing the dates that I took all these older photos. It bothers me when I see a photo of her and realize that today, a year or two ago, on this particular date she was still around. Tomorrow I have an appointment with a counselor at school so I’m hoping that something hopeful can come out of it.
  3. A terrible start to the new year

    Thank you so much @AJWCat and my condolences for your loss as well. As of today, its been about a week since she’s passed and I still feel like I’m missing something in my life. Like I mentioned before, I'm a university student, so I think focusing on school has kind of kept my mind busy. I tend to be hyper focused on school work in order to get the grades I want so I almost feel a bit...guilty in some ways. I think its because I’m so focused on school that its like I’m not...grieving enough for her if that makes sense. I know she’s not home and it bothers me so much that I haven’t been able to sleep in my bedroom. But I feel like I should still be mourning over her passing but because my school mode has kicked in I can’t. It seems like only when I finish my studies and stop to think about her that I get sad. And if I continue to think about the day I lost her or the last thing I did with her the night before her passing, it makes me cry. We still haven't received her cremated remains back and we were told we would get them by today. That in itself just upsets me more as I just want her to be home. Prior to the start of school, I started creating a scrapbook for her and in the process of printing photos, I realized we didn't even have any photos of her in the house. So now we do and it's nice to look back at her pictures from when she was a kitten up until now. I used to think I took too many photos of her but I'm so glad that I did. At first I thought scrapbooking and looking at her photos helped me heal a just a little bit. But there's still a long road ahead.
  4. I applogize that this might be a long story but I figure that this is a place that I can share my feelings. I’m suffering so much and I don’t know what to do. Yesterday (January 3rd, 2018) I suddenly lost my cat named K-Lee. It’s an odd way to spell her name but my dad chose to spell it like that. From what I remember, he was joking about something to do with canines/K-9 but of course she was a cat and we wanted a name similar to the cat we had years ago named Cali. As a result, somehow, K-Lee became her name. The night before she passed, she was fine. She came to me when I was watching a movie on my laptop and curled up in my blankets next to me. She vomitted an hour or so ago but honestly it wasn’t uncommon. I don’t remember what the actual name of this condition was, but from what I remember our vet informed us a few years ago she was allergic to some sort of bacteria in her mouth (or around her teeth) which could upset her stomach and eventually over time she would lose her teeth. And it happened, but she still seemed fine and ate her food despite the lack of her teeth to help chew. Before I went to bed that night she snuggled up next to me. And the thing about her, she never really did that unless she was cold or not feeling well. But with how she was acting after vomitting, she seemed fine and was purring and sleeping peacefully. And despite living in Hawaii, it was a chilly night and I just thought things were like they normally were. When I woke up however, my life changed so much. I didn’t get woken up from her knocking down my things. Inssteas, I heard my brother come out of his room as she made a loud meow. She was so tiny that it was the first time I’ve ever heard her meow so loud. My dad tried to comfort her as best as he could but he had to leave for work soon. Her eyes were large, her breathing was heavy, she couldn’t move or walk. It was the worst thing seeing her like that. My dad was able to contact the vet and my brother and I took her as he had to go to work. When we were finally able to see the vet, she couldn’t move, her arms were stretched out in front of her and she made another painful meow as they tried to get her weight. Even during the car ride there, she couldn’t move and would flop over in her cage when my brother made his turns. I saw them give her multiple shots to help her breathe since her breathing sounded horrible. The vet then said it might have been a blood clot, a seizure, or a stroke. They took her away to get some x-rays done and we were sent to wait outside. It felt like forever waiting to be called back and I shed a few tears but I was hopeful things would be okay. When they showed us the x-rays they said she seemed fine. Nothing was wrong with her lungs or anything. Her potassium levels were low and her blood sugar was high but they were going to give her an IV to help her as she was dehydrated as well. She also said it might have been a stroke or some sort of neurological issue. After that I honestly thought she was in good hands. The vet said she had to stay in the pet hospital and we could visit any time or call for updates. But it was at that moment I made the worse mistake of my life. It’s something I regret so much. I should have asked to see her before we left because an hour or two later I woke up from a nap and received the devastating call from my dad that she had passed. I was alone at home and cried my eyes out. I was mad at myself, I questioned why she was gone and what I could have done. I wished I had stayed up longer that night and maybe I could have been there when she was experiencing her stroke or whatever happened to her. I could have gotten her to the vet immediately. She was only 10 years old and I wasn’t prepared for this. I thought I had a few more years left with her. I look around my house and all I see is the places that she used to sleep or walk or sit on. My room had her food bowls and her litter box and it’s hard to be in there. The same day she passed I went to see her one last time. I was always worried about forgetting how she felt or smelt like. But when I got to hold her deceased body it wasn’t the same. I could barely smell her past the chemical smell from the area where they inserted the IV into her paw. She felt so hard and the colors on her paw pads were white. My parents said she looked like she could be sleeping or could wake up at any moment since one of her eyes was slightly opened. I cried and kissed her and couldn’t believe that she was fine yesterday and gone the next. Her eyes were slightly watery too and my tears kept falling on her face. It’s the start of the new year and I’m torn apart. Next week I start my last semester of college before I graduate and I don’t know how to feel. I cry and cry and miss her so much. I don’t know how to deal with all this. I lost my baby yesterday and I don’t know how to carry on. Everything hurts. My back hurts, my chest hurts, my heart hurts and I feel like I can’t wait to live out my entire life to see her again. I’m only 22 and it feels like torture to have to go on and not see her in my room or in the house. We’re having her cremated and we plan on having her in my room but still...it hurts. I try to think positive thoughts and I try to tell myself that everything l do will be in memory of her but it’s still so hard.
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