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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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    @roxybrown I'm so sorry for your loss. I am new to this forum and I have recently lost my daschund puppy K to what was initially thought out to be kennel cough and pneumonia but then later diagnosed as congenital heart disease but it was too late by then. He was only 6/7 months old. Reading about your regret and guilt really hit me. I regretted not taking him to the vet soon enough. I didn't even know what started off as a cough was actually a cough, I just thought something scratched his throat. I wondered if I should have insisted sooner than later for ECG's and xrays instead of just saying not it's probably not all those serious things it must just be pneumonia. I don't ever blame the vet whatever she did, she did right. I looked online all symptoms seemed to be exactly kennel cough and pneumonia and all the medication was correct. I say sorry to this day.. I hope he never thought we didn't try to treat him. We kept giving him these medications and he didn't get better. I hope he didn't think we made things worse or that we couldn't treat him. We really did all that we could in that short amount of time. I also went through a few days of searching for an answer and looking up pet psychics to talk to him and tell him I'm sorry but over time i realised his bond was with ME and I believe what I say and what I put out to him he will hear and he will know, as I hope he felt the love and devotion and positive energy from us when we were nursing him to recovery. I think Roxy knew you loved her very deeply and that you really were doing the best that you could do for her. She felt it in your energy. I'm finding it hard to get back to work but somehow life must go on however hard. I'm glad you got to be by her side when she really needed you most.. I hope you start to feel a bit better. It's so tough though I feel your pain. Take each day as it comes.
  2. @KayC Thank you for your kind words. The thought of us reuniting gives me comfort too and I hope as you say his spirit is alive and watching over us. I will forever keep him close in my heart. I will tell my baby one day about K. His memories must live on..
  3. @AJWCat Thank you for your comforting words. I'm so sorry about your Cat. I can say I genuinely understand the pain you went through. You and everyone here give me a sense of belonging and a sense of hope and for that I am grateful. You are right about being grateful for the bond we had. I try to tell myself that everyday. I say 'thank you for picking us and I thank you for blessing us with your unconditional love. We feel honored to have been your parents while you were here. It was nothing but a pleasure'. Saying this gives me a sense of comfort and makes me think of the positive rather than the negative especially when the guilt and feeling of loss sets in.
  4. My husband and I lost our 7 month old chocolate daschund puppy 'K' to congenital heart disease that led to Heart failure (atleast we think). We have been beyond devastated especially since his death was so unexepected. I read someone write somewhere in this forum that they felt they just wanted their puppy back with them and would do anything for that. I feel the same way. I yearn for him. Each day is only marginally better than the next perhaps because I imagine him around me all the time. At times when reality hits and I break down I speak to him and tell him we are right here waiting for him if he needed a home on earth again. My husband and I have him in our thoughts all the time it's almost hard to not think of him. Even before he died he was the center of our world. We were not planning to have a pet when K came into our lives. My husband and I both grew up with dogs and we had always said we would get one when we would start a family or when I was pregnant. I remember the phone call 5 months ago, my husband said there was this puppy who wasn't wanted by the breeder or by his colleague and if we could give him a home for the weekend till they could find a home for him. I mean dogs are like family to us I couldn't say no. When he arrived he was the cutest little puppy I had ever seen. He had captivating green eyes and his aura was so positive. How could anyone not want him? I already felt he was going to be ours. A day after K arrived, I took a pregnancy test which turned out positive. We weren't trying for a child but we suspected we would be positive. A sign, more like a blessing rather, we got what we always wanted a beautiful little pup and a baby on the way. K instantly became family and was part of our new journey. Until K arrived I never knew what joy was. I always had dogs growing up, I loved them all, but I don't know if I felt pure joy the way I did with K. He was so loving so affectionate to us. He was always nestled in either of our laps. If we cuddled, he would squeeze right in the middle of us. He made us laugh, he never made us angry, he never seemed like a chore. He was the sharpest the dog we ever had. AT 3/4 months he knew the engine sound of my husband's car and the minute his car pulled up he would run to the door and wait for him. We live in an apartment complex and have multiple cars going in and out. I was so baffled by it. He could communicate by pointing to his leash when he wanted to go down. If we played fetch in the garden he would take his ball and lead me to the front door of the building when he was done. he knew our car in the parking lot and often led me there hoping to go on a ride. He wasn't even 5 months old by this point. Every morning he would be at my bedside at 7am since he knew that was the earliest I was going to wake up. At 7am we would go for a walk. He eventually became my 7am alarm. I rarely had a day where he slept passed 7am. Joy, joy and only joy K was just that when he died our apartment felt big and empty. We had lived there for 3 years before he came and in 5 months he made our flat a home. Being pregnant and raising him perhaps bought out my maternal side. I really felt like he was our child and I had another on the way. My friends say he came to show us what love and joy was? Maybe he to open our hearts to receive this child? I don't know.. all i know is I want him back. When he was sick it was all so sudden, He had a cough that developed into bronchitis, his breathing got a little laboured. I took him to the vet and he got him on antibiotics. He seemed his usual self but the cough was still there and the breathing seemed abnormal still. I took him back we started him on another stronger antibiotic.. By then the vet warned me that the symptoms were the same for congenital heart disease but we would do an xray and just hope its a bad case of pneumonia. We did the xray and saw his lungs were fully congested which seemed like pneumonia but without an ECG it would be hard to say if the heart was causing it.. two days passed and K wasn't showing any signs of improvement, his breathing was laboured and he was tired all the time nonetheless, I was so hopeful. Very quickly K deteriorated over 24 hours as he got severely weak. the morning he passed away... I woke up at 7am as I usually would and went to see him in his bed... he couldn't get up, I had never seen him like that ever. I picked him up in my arms and woke up my husband. We were calling the vet to come over but by then he seemed so lifeless I tried to give him water but he wouldn't drink. As we held on to him in our arms he was just looking at both of us and then just like that 5 min later he gasped his last breaths and he was gone. His lungs were too congested and eventually his lungs stopped functioning. My husband and I were in shock. We cried so much. I couldn't believe he was gone. He was supposed to fight it and we were supposed to be this happy family.. the 4 of us. Did he wait for us to say goodbye? I think so. Nothing would have stopped him from going in the middle of the night. It's like he waited till 7 am knowing I would be up and by his side. Everyday for 10 days my husband cried when he got home not to see our beloved K waiting for him. I cry at 7am when my eyes open and hes not at my bedside wagging his tail waking me up. This kind of pain can only come from deep immense love. I have had people raise their eyebrows when i say he was only with us 5 months. It's like they think 'oh that's it and you are this broken up about it?' The hardest is when people say 'be strong and be strong for the baby now you have that to look forward to'. Yes and yes i know but i will love my child, I already do but I cannot undo the love I had for K and I cannot not grieve him. After all he brought me joy.. what a beautiful gift someone can bring to you? Perhaps the most hair raising thing of all this was the day K passed away I turned 25 weeks pregnant that same day. I have a baby app that tells me the development my baby is probably going through while in the womb. The evening he passed I got a notification that said my baby is 25 weeks today and is becoming increasingly viable as his lungs continue to develop from all the amniotic fluid he has been inhaling... That sent chills down my spine. The day my beloved K dies from congested lungs my baby's lungs are developing? I'm either looking for some meaning that is not there or there is some divine intervention. I do not know what to make of any of it. I just feel its one of the worst things I have had to endure. He is still constantly at the forefront of my mind. My husband and I can now share memories of him without breaking down but the pain is still there and emptiness is felt all over the house. How I wish K could have met his baby brother. We imagined them playing together. K would have been so gentle with him as he was so gentle with us. There will be no other like K and I really hope we all reunite together again. I just want him back..RIP K.