Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

Brendon&Jordi

Members
  • Content count

    6
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Brendon&Jordi

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    USA&Spain
  • Loss Type
    lost two sons. 2 yr old with CA, 18 yr old in accident
  • Angel Date
    Valentine's and New Year's Day

Converted

  • Occupation
    RN
  • First Name
    Gigi
  1. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thank you Dee, for your kind and comforting words. I could feel them. thank you.
  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hoosier guy, I wept at the story of your son, and then I was frikking mad! Mad that some low life would rip your son's life away from you. You are on the highest step of the ladder with this. I hope you can connect with other parents who have lost their children to violence. I think about you and I just don't know how you wouldn't just want to hunt down and torture someone who has murdered your child. I hope you can be around people who allow you to show your anger. You should be enraged. I hope that the syeam from the anger will help to get you through all of the court battles/legal system. Hang in there.
  3. Loss of an Adult Child

    It is the anniversary on New Year's Day of the death of my 18 year old son, Brendon. He died in a snowboarding accident. They couldn't find him for three hours. He fell upside down in the snow and was buried alive 6 feet under a "Christmas" tree. He died from suffocating to death, then freezing. It looks like he tried to dig out the foam of his right boot to release it from the board. He was frozen like a package of meat..this thought just cripples me every year. It has been 12 years and I can say that most people will think that it has been long enough to greive. I never got to hold his hand while he was dying. I never got to say good bye. My sweet, precious, boy. I love you still as much as I did then. I miss you coming into my room and leaning on my bed to tell me about your day, the, you would ask me about mine. I miss getting mad at you for eating all the food in the house. I miss joking with you and telling you when you went out with friends to: Have a lot of sex, do drugs, and drink alcohol! You would get beet red and say; "Mom, what are you doing?' I'd say; "It's reverse psychology-is it working?!" Your friends would look at me and laugh as you high tailed it out the door. I really miss how you protected me. How you never wanted me to be alone. You always went to the movies with me if I was by myself, or you would go to the store with me if I was by myself. then, when you were around 16 and I asked you if you could go to the movies with me, you told me "Mom, you need to get a life!" That was my subtle hint that you were into your friends (LOL). My shy, sweet, boy. Beautiful boy, all 6 ft 2 of you! I will never forget the time you drew a bubble bath for me when I was sick and had bad stomach cramps. I will never forget the time I had the flu and told you I didn't want you to get it (to stay away). You asked me if you could make me toast. I said I was too sick to eat. When I woke up, you where there lying beside me reading a motorcycle magazine. So sweet that you wanted to make sure that I was okay. You called me the night before you died to see how I was. You told me you didn't feel well and that you wanted to stay with your dad one more day to snowboard. I wish I could have hung on the phone with you forever. We had talked the week before and we had a weird conversation. I told you that if I died, that I didn't want you to be sad, because I would be in heaven with your brother, Jordi. I said if I was in an accident, or something. You then told me that, if you died, you hoped you would be doing something "cool"...like a motorcycle trick, or something. I told you that I hope when I died I would be doing my nursing job. I never thought that you would be with Jordi before me. You were the man of my "single-divorced mom" condo. You were my best friend. You were my life. My heart. My joy. All the times I told you to give me a kiss "Just in case something happens".....so glad for all the kisses. I wish I would have bought you that darn camera that you wanted. We fought about it in the store. I told you if you put in half of the money, i'd put in the rest. I think of you everytime I see a bumble bee....because of the cute poem you wrote to me as a child. That you and me....we were bumble bees. When You hold my hand and pull me to heaven with you, I will ask God to view all of the videos. Me dropping you off at kindergarten (your first day at school). Go back to the time that you and Courtney were clearing out my un cool clothes. You threw out my "Amish" dresses...one of my fav's that you said I looked like a quarterback in. I guess I could have been a 49er! Courtney misses you and Jordi so much. She lost all of her childhood when she lost you. All her siblings gone. I feel so bad for her, son. We can feel you with us in special ways. How I miss you every single day son. I think of you always with a smile and a huge crocodile tear in my heart.
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    Justin's Mommy, I have lost two sons. I feel sad to say that I think the second year is so much harder than the first. The second year, the support of family and friends tend to drop off. People feel that you should be over it. Meals and help dwindle away. The worst part for me was that I was starting to forget. Starting to forget what it felt like to hear my son's voice. To feel the touch of his kiss on my cheek. I was starting to forget and couldn't remember everything that I wanted to remember. I felt like my memory was fading. The second year was just torture. I tried to write in a journal the things that I remembered. I had friends write down the memories that they had of my sons. I felt awful to not remember everything. I couldn't smell his scent in his pillow anymore-all the scent was gone. I tried to spray his room with his cologne to rmember what he smelled like. I slept in his bed. I tried to pretend that he was still in his room talking to me. Then, I remembered how much he loved me. I remembered him smiling. I remembered his laugh. Never Forget
  5. Loss of a 17 yr old

    Jannit, I am so sorry about the loss of your son. I lost my 18 year old son. He was in a snow boarding accident. I was waiting for him to come home and he never did. My whole world turned upside down. I used to have a house filled with his friends, food and lots of fun and love. My house became so quiet with just my daughter and I...you could hear a pin drop. I kept my son's room unchanged from the day he died. I went in there often to remember him. I would put on his huge skate board tennis shoes and wear his shirt. I sniffed his pillow till the smell was out and I put on his cologne. I tried to remember what his truck smelled like. Sort of sweaty teen age boy with motorcycle gear. I remember the time he wrote me a post it note asking me to get him: 1) expensive perfume 2) proactive acne cream 3) teeth whitner. I quickly turned to him and said "When did you get a girlfriend?!" We both laughed and he turned red from embarrassment! Every day, I think about him. I wish I was there to hold his hand when he was dying. Wish I was there to trade places with him. I can say, I am still waiting for him to come home... I would love to hear you tell me who your funny, sweet son is. Would love to hear about your relatinship with him. The first two years after a child dies are just plain awful. Don't be around people who do not understand. Don't let people who have not lost a child tell you what you should feel like and what you should do. Only you know how you should greive. Be around people who can give you hugs. My heart goes out to you, Jannit. Huge hugs
  6. The loss of my 5 year old girl to cancer

    Miasmom-I have lost two of my three children. My youngest son died from a rare brain tumor. He had three rounds of chemo, radiation and seventeen surgeries. He had days when we didn't think he was going to make it, but he pulled through. When he died, I still thought maybe he would come back. It was so hard for me to believe. The first two years after his death were hell. I think that the second year was harder than the first. I started to forget what he looked like and started to forget how his voice sounded. I cried so hard because I was forgetting the things I didn't want to forget, and remembering some things related to his death that I didn't want to. I had two other childeren to care for after his death. My husband was not there for me. We greived differently. We divorced three years after his death. When my 18 year old son died in an accident, my heart was crushed. What got me through was knowing what he would say to me. He always told me "Mom, it will be okay"..if I had a rough day at work, etc. I remembered our kisses. I decided this time, I was going to carry my son with me in whatever way I could. That I was the mother of three wonderful children, not the mother of two dead sons. I started to tell people about how happy I was to have had my sons for as long as I did. What a privelege that was. Every year, I wear my son's shirts and big tennis shoes. I walk around in them and think about all the things he loved. It will be over ten years since he died. He died on New Years Day. I just want you to know that I have made it through the loss of two sons. Be good to yourself. Take care of yourself. Make a journal of all the things you love about your precious girl. Keep a box with her favortite colors, things. Be around friends who will listen to your stories of your daughter. Be around people who will give you hugs. Know that your other children are greiving too and also need support. Never let them become "invisible" children. I am so sorry about your darling girl. Life is just so unfair. There will never be reasons good enough to justify a child's death. Hugs to you. You can make it through this. XOXO
×