Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

Dust

Members
  • Content count

    6
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Dust

  • Rank
    Newbie
  1. @Sarah&Ava Hi, Thank you for sharing your story with us and I'm very sorry to hear that about Ava. I'm struggling myself but still everytime I hear an emotionally intelligent animal is being challenged by an illness, I feel like a bucket of ice cold water is turned over my head. I deeply hope she turns out as one of those patients who amazes the doctors by living a longer happy life with you than just a few months. Sorry to hear that about Jasmine too. Since no one can say with 100% certainty what happens after this world and I started this topic for people to be able to discuss their beliefs, I can only tell you what I guess might happen and hope that helps. Warning and an apology beforehand: this will be lengthly! Regarding Jasmine not being the social type, Cicily is (in case this looks strange, yes, I know she's not 'with' me anymore but I still refuse to refer to her as if she's something from the past since everything about her is and will be very much present to me) my first partner ever which is why I cannot draw a guess based on my experience but still, based on everything I know about friendship, love, trust, animals, ... I'm inclined to believe that even if Jasmine is unwilling to accept Ava with her wherever they are, which to be honest in my opinion is likely since the two never really developed a bond with oneanother, I think they'd still stay together because of their love and affection for the same person who'd be you. Similar to how three friends would function if they're gathering in one place due to one of them. The two might not even like eachother (which I don't think could be the case with animals since they really seem to be angels who have fallen to where we are and it doesn't make sense for spirits to be territorial due to lack of any possibility of being harmed) but they still have this one human to wait for/root for/share. So, if spirits are really real, IMO they'd still stay together and accept eachother for their shared 'love'. I mentioned some possible signs such as dreams that I've been having but really, there's been no way for me to know that they're real or from her or even to say with certainty that she's around but in a different form. My entire being has been in agony ever since I saw signs of her not being well that nighmarish morning so it might be very possible that that's my mind or psyche desperately trying to make me somehow cope a bit by making it seem like she's still communicating with me. Not to mention that, losing the most important living being to me, I'm now showing signs that are parallel to what people with serious head injuries are showing such as losing all habits, stuttering when speaking, lack of appetite, inability to tolerate any extra stimuli like not being able to chew a gum anymore, ... and based on biology if a living organism is doing badly enough to risk its livelihood it's even more likely for that being unconciously doing things as an attempt to 'save' the organism through what they're going through. It'd be easier for me to simply delude myself that she's with me but the reason I'm searching for clues from her is not to make myself deal. I'm genuinely looking for answers to my questions since those answers can completely change my decisions. With that being said, I'm still very much yearning for anything that can actually prove to me she's there and I can't really say that now. I even bought some devices that track unusual qualities in the air like an electromegnetic meter but even when the number spikes up, I think about how the manifacturers would like to please people to make them buy their products which again makes me not count on them as 'evidence'. About new pets, being the angelic beings animals are, I think as long as the new pet doesn't make you forget about Jasmine or Ava or lessen your affection for the two, they wouldn't mind and since you mentioned Ava came to you shortly after Jasmine and you still thought about Jasmine a lot, I don't think Jasmine was upset over that. As long as you're taking good care of the new pet, are mentally and emotionally ready for and available to them and not forgetting your loved ones who aren't with you physically, I don't think there might be any problems there. Despite the human race, animals are pure enough to care about what's going on between the two of you and they're not likely to be crossed with you as long as what the two of you have stays intact after the presence of new human or animal individuals. Due to losing my awareness of passing of the days I can't do this myself but if you feel better this way, you can make regular remembrance occasions for them as in doing something they'd like or something that'd help other beings like them in set dates or times daily/weekly/monthly. I saw this in a documentary that one whose teenage child was killed makes their kid's favorite meal every month on the day of his birthday (every 6th) and offers the meals to children in need of food and prayed to Buddha (they were Japanese) that any rewwards of the good deed goes to their child. According to the parents, that made an additional outlet for their grief and they made sure to remember their loved one regularly in a less 'devastating' way. Like I mentioned, I have no real clue as to what happens or what is possible/impossible but just in case, whisper to Ava to let you know somehow if she'd be ok with you dedicationg yourself to a new animal companion later. Many also believe that their animal companions reincarnated into new ones and came back to them and if that happens you'd know based on the signs and similar character/habits/likes/dislikes of the new pet that's be too similar to Ava's or Jasmine's. I beg Cicily a lot to 'take me with her wherever she goes', 'send me signs for me to know she's doing ok wherever she is', 'let me know if she forgives me for my inexperience in caring for a feline and all the related mistakes I made, having to hospitalize her and such', 'letting me know about anything she'd like me to do here', ... . There are some things like me randomly thinking of donating to animal/cat houses (large buildings/structures/parks where I live where animals leave together freely with all their needs including medical covered for as long as they naturally live) or vet clinics that dedicate donations to patients who are financially struggling but, again, no way for me to know if those are responses or me grieving and there has been none that lets me know if she'd be willing to forgive me for every little or bigger mistake that I made which by itself messes me up even more. @Sarah&Ava and @KayC I hope you don't mind but while I understand what you mean about how your entire life starts to revolve around animal companions if there aren't more people around, I deeply believe there's way more to emotional animals (like cats, dogs, whales, horses, ...) that what we perceive and that's the reason why the friendships that develop with one or both sides being from them are so unique. A friend of mine spent a day with me saying that the reason why I'm so devastated is that since animals never do anything to make you want to distant yourself from them and are entirely trustworthy and their love is so pure, innocent, unconditional and real, we dare to give them all our love and that 'giving love to those who deserve all the love and care in the world' is mainly why we feel absolutely great with them. I agree about all she said but to me, that is definitely not all of it. There's something more to these guys, some power or quality or superiority or innocence, I'm not sure what it is or where it comes from but I think that has to do more with why a loving relationship with them feels perfect and more meaningful than with most humans. Despite what you see here, I'm not an emotional or even sympathetic person and I hardly get impressed or change my views based on what others expect or want from me, yet look at how easily I shattered here and have been flexible enough to make all my decisions based on Cicily, her needs and her wishes ever since I met her. I'm sorry that you've been going through the hardships you mentioned in life. I've been abused all my childhood and teen years, been affected by PTSD, trust and anger issues, yet through the years, I've had many people around me, from those who brutally abused me to the friends I made at school to those who randomly entered my life. Sure, I was still lonely since I didn't trust any of them enough (due to actual reasons not my PTSD) to let them closer than a certain point but they were technically around and I do to this day have friends who look after me and are nice. Yet, no relationship that I experienced/seen/heard of between people even came nearly close to what these guys bring us and the only being that with no doubt made me believe all the hardships and disturbing events of life is worth tolerating because that way I'd get to be with her is Cicily not my friends, romantic so-called lovers, parents, siblings, .. no one! And no one ever managed to make me feel calmer when I was upset throughout my life despite me appreciating the fact that they tried, yet only thinking of Cicily, glancing at her or merely the mention of her name has always been more than enough to make me forget about all of it instantly and feel like I'm the most blessed living being ever for her to be with me. Another instance is that no human being can ever make me feel like or force me to consider taking my life but right now, I feel like a puppy desperately wanting to chase after their subject of affection wherever she went! I have to come and go between two houses regularly and one of them is full of noisy people and I feel void there yet the other one that only housed Cicily and me with minimum amount of furniture and light felt like this warm, safe, bright heaven even though I, myself, am really quiet and rarely made any noise other than the tv. I can't really explain well but I think you know what I'm saying ... that their love and friendship is more like a miracle (in my case it was definitely a miracle) that happens to those lucky enough to experience and value it and goes well beyond a side effect of people being more solitary these days. I'm also sorry I took too much of your time but that's the point of this types of forums, right? For us to be able to discuss what we can't express in real life on this matter. That's the case with me too. I don't feel comfortable even letting some people around me know that I'm suffering thanks to the fact that, they'll simply take the chance to abuse me further but these two very kind and helpful users here (KayC & AJWCat) shared their views and stories with me and as people who are familiar with the type of pain we all know about here, sympathetically responded to my questions that I couldn't openly talk about with those around me. Like I said before, things could've been much easier for me to take and I might've seen a tiny ray of hope to the world if there were more (MUCH MORE) people like them in this world. Like I always say to others, please stay strong! Hopefully we'd all receive some messages/signs from our dearests to know they're doing well at the very least.
  2. @Max79 Hi and thank you for sharing your experience here. Please accept my sicerest condolences for your loss and I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through a serious injury, hope you're completely recovered by now. I lost my, I think at this point it's safe to say soulmate, on 27th November and she too, came to me when I was at the lowest point in my childhood (teen years) and the fact that she chose me makes me feel like the luckiest being ever. Now, I'm still exactly like how I was the day it happened, nothing has improved or gotten more tolerable and like what someone here said before, it still leaves me in utter disbelief to see the sun rising again as if nothing has changed when my entire world is now pitch black and I'm basically an empty shell walking around. I would also describe the signs you mentioned as messages especially with the black cat and I'm also leaning towards believing that there's more after we go based on other people's experiences but all I can do is just hoping that I'd end up being with her again after I go and keep begging her (in case she could hear me) to send me any signs she can. So far I received some but my pessimism tells me that they could simply be me and not her. Thank you very much for your empathy, we're here too if you felt like you needed to talk. Simply talking about it makes the pain slightly easier to manage for many. I'm still clinging to the small hope I have that I'd get to be with her again, this time hopefully forever, because that's the only way I can get through every minute. I've failed at it completely myself but during this hard times, stay strong please! @KayC Sorry to hear that about your sister. Both Miss Mocha and Lucky are precious and if afterlife really exists, I'm sure they're enjoying one another's company. The closest humanbeing to me who's now deceased is my grandfather (to whom I wasn't really close) and Cicily is my first ever animal partner (not counting hamsters, chicks, ducklings, turtles, ..) and apparently the only one judging based on how messed up I've become since she's gone, so unfortunately I can't even have the hope that she's now with a familiar face wherever she might be. Being half of a feral breed, she herself hated another animal being in her terittory as well. I might not know where she is but I often ask her to stay with me always if she can. Once again, thank you for sharing your experiences!
  3. If only more people like you two existed on this planet, I wouldn't be this disappointed in every aspect of continuing to 'be in this world' ... @KayC You're completely right! I know this for a fact that no matter if I manage to deal with my mourning(s) and depression or not, I will NEVER, EVER be the same and my being lucky enough to have met and known her (so far) and now this, will reflect in everything I'll do for the rest of my life ... . Many things that I didn't paid much attention to have changed so far too, even some minor things like being unable to chew gum (I used to chew one pretty much all the time when outside) or completely losing my ever-so-hungry sweet tooth and suddenly really hating to eat crunchy food as if my jaw is locked, ... . I have some times of just being a 'vegetable' with no reactions or focus and then the grief hits me hard. I've experienced other deaths so far and I'm very sure that no death or loss will be as difficult for me as this one, by far. Once again, I appreaciate your being here to console and share people's pain, both you and KayC. I hear Cicily's voice occasionally but like the dreams I'm finding it difficult to say if that's a thing or just me wanting to receive ANYTHING from her ... . @karla1842 Please accept my deep condolences and thank you for sharing your beliefs on this subject as well! I wish I could say something to make things less painful for you but I'm pretty much in a dark stormy spiral myself just wishing stuff without knowing much about what's even happening to us (Cicily and me) so I'm not sure what to say other than letting you know that we're here because we share the same kind of pain and that if you're in a not-so-much understanding environment like how I am, we're here to reassure you that the pain you're feeling is very much called for and we fully recognize all that might come along with it. I'm failing myself at doing that but please stay strong!
  4. @AJWCat - Thank you for your reply and I highly appreciate your sympathy and kind words. Please accept my sincerest condolences for your cat as well and I'm glad to find out that you're learning how to live with the grief little by little. I, too, have pretty much stopped eating ever since Cicily's gone. I only drink some water when thirsty and even that makes me nauseous. I try my best to sleep as much as possible, hoping that I'd be able to see her in my dreams again. I've experienced many different intense traumatic and painful events in my life and this is beyond anything I could've ever imagined in terms of painfulness, it's truly the end to me and nothing matters to me anymore (honestly the only reason I'm alive is that I had a dream the night after Cicily left in which someone told me that I will fail in my attempt to take my life since guns are forbidden in this country, I have to use 'weaker' means and I will risk being paralysed for life, so I waited). I feel abandoned or as if something cut me in half and took the half that had all the good factors in it with them. Apparently I'm moving backwards too since while I'm still grieveing, I've started denial and keep telling myself she's just napping by the window like usual because at times I simply feel like I'm losing my mind from too much grief. My thoughts were too chaotic to think of energy, something that is approved by science as well. So thank you very much for sharing your experience and beliefs with us. That did help me. @KayC - Thank you for your reply to my question and sharing more about your experience and opinion. That did answer my question and pointed out to a subject I failed to think of before which is energy. Also I'd be more than happy if Cicily felt like giving me a visit anytime similar to how your husband did. I'm more than open to that. Once again, I highly appreciate your time and kind words. This is the only place I can speak completely openly with people who know what kind of pain I'm talking about and like how many other users have pointed out here, that our problem isn't a lack of enough cats or dogs in our house but we're missing a very important irreplaceable part of our lives (and in my case the entirety of mine).
  5. Thank you KayC for letting us know about your beliefs. Please accept my sincerest condolences for your husband, Fluffy, Teddy, King George and all else I might not know of. How I wish what you said about my dreams and us seeing them again are true since she was very healthy, glorious and happy to see me in all of my dreams too. If you don't mind me asking, according to your beliefs (I read the Bible, Quran and Torah while searching for any clues about what might be happening to my Everything now and yes, none stated anything clear about intelligent animals other than us humans in the afterlife) do our pets stay near us down here and then when we die they go to Heaven with us? If we did something wrong would we lose the chance of seeing them again if we went to Hell, for example? I highly appreciate opinions here since I cannot really ask these questions of anyone near me.
  6. Hi! Much like many other people here I've lost my entire world, my highly unique half-wild cat, about three weeks ago to an acute attack of CKD. We've been inseparable since she was a 3-weeks-old street cat and I was an abused lonely 13-year-old. I know she's not here anymore, I grieve while doing pretty much anything since I did all I ever done with her in mind. The world has nothing else for me and I've contemplated suicide nonstop ever since she was taken from me. For a specific reason (that I'll keep to myself) I'm still here in this empty dark world but highly depressed, hateful towards life and desperately trying to find anything that'd let me know that I will see her and be with her again one day, most likely when I die myself. I had dreams about her so far and while I'm unbelievably happy to see her (in her healthy, energetic, cheerful, playful and wild self) in those dreams, I have no clue if they're just my destroyed and deeply wounded mind pointlessly trying to get me back on my feet or if they're more than just illusions and meaningless images. I'm not functioning at all and all my life has come to a halt and I simply cannot see myself dealing or coping even a little bit and due to social and family issues I'm not going to a mental health professional, so between my cries and periods of simply sitting around staring at something and just be shocked, hoping that I'd find a ray of hope, I'm reading and listening to all the opinions or experiences I can find to convince myself that this is not by any means the end of us two and since most of those around me are not supportive at all even to the point of being intentionally abusive, I'm making this topic to see what you guys think about it all or if you have any experiences about what happens to animals especially cats and dogs when they leave. And do you think we will see them and be with them again and if yes how and if you don't mind how did you come to believe in your theory? And while we're at it, some people around me told me to do things that'll make her happy if she was aware of them, but the only thing my cat wanted from me ever other than tending to her needs was for me to just sit somewhere near her and just watch her. She hated the idea of other animals in the house too which is confusing me whether helping other in-need cats/dogs would make her happy at all. So what do you think might make her happy for me to do? P.S.: I'm definitely miserable but I'm a 28-year-old too so please spare me from the Rainbow Bridge story. Personally, I'm irreligious but please, feel free to let us know what you think or believe whether you're an atheist or religious.
×