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Lisaislost

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  • Content count

    57
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About Lisaislost

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    massachusetts
  • Loss Type
    sudden death of beloved husband
  • Angel Date
    11/06/2017
  1. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband nov 6th. It was the hardest day of my life. I have been through so many emotional ups and downs. What helped me early on was scripture. I’m not sure of your beliefs but it helped me. I also started keeping a journal and writing my thoughts. Angry or otherwise. There are days i feel I’m going crazy and days i feel like i can make it. I know I’ve made progress since i started on here. But i also know it’s 1 step forward and 2 steps back sometimes. Here’s a story. 3 days before he died my husband sent me a picture of this beautiful hill about 5 miles from our house. He was having lunch with a friend and made him stop to take a photo. He sent me the picture. I shared that photo with my sister in law. She then texted me last week and said she got a message from my husband while she was driving . My husband told her to tell me to look up to the hill . She immediately thought of this passage. Psalm 121 1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? 2 My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. so yesterday my sil and i went to the hill. I bought 2 balloons. I wrote a note to my husband and we prayed and let it go. Then i wrote to god asking him to help me and ease my fears . We released that one too. We said another prayer and an amazing calm came over me. I’m sure i will slip back into my sadness as i know it’s a process but for at least a day, i have had peace. I hope you can find peace and hope in a tiny minute of your day. I’ll be sending prayers. Sorry for the long post.
  2. Grieving my future

    I hate when i first wake up. It’s like a panic and reminder that I’m alone. I’m also dealing with the fact that i woke up the morning he died to him being unresponsive. I relive that a lot . Any tips or suggestions?
  3. Grieving my future

    I use to be afraid to fly, not anymore. I feel the same way. I did go out today to the barn while my friend groomed her horse. My kids were out and i didn’t want to be alone. It was a nice distraction. For a brief moment, i forgot my pain.
  4. Grieving my future

    I pray the waves come less often as time passes!
  5. Grieving my future

    my best friend is trying to get me out to yoga. I know i should go but it’s hard to go out. I’m planning a trip to North Carolina to visit my brother in April. It will be my 20th anniversary and i know i won’t want to be home.
  6. Grieving my future

    I am struggling today with sadness. I think the weekends are tough because it was when we saw each other most. I thought i passed the stage of wanting to join him but today it has returned. It’s crazy, I’m sitting here with our beautiful daughters yet i can’t help feeling so alone.
  7. still trying to turn back time

    Yes, I’ve been told that too! We’re quite a pair!
  8. still trying to turn back time

    Dear Michelene, thank you for telling me that about your doubts. My friends and family think I’m crazy to question our relationship. If i could stop the irrational thoughts i would. My therapist also believes I am trying to stay in the past. My sil , my rock, had me write down 10 things i loved about my husband. Then 10 reasons why he loved me. She said when doubt creeps in, just keep reading the lists. I’m trying my best to do it but i tell you, as i drift off to sleep, that’s when these thoughts enter my head.
  9. still trying to turn back time

    I lost my husband early November. He died of a heart attack in his sleep. I keep wondering if i woke up earlier.i could’ve changed the outcome. It’s so hard. After i have a panic attack, i get sad, then i get mad and then i start questioning my relationship, which is stupid, i know but nothing in this makes sense.
  10. Grieving my future

    Me too! i can’t get out of my head today. I’m totally distracted and can’t focus on anything. I want to run away and hide. I’m sad, mad and anxious all at the same time. I’ve never used medication but I’m thinking it might combat this anxiety.
  11. Grieving my future

    I started my grief group last night. It was tough listening to all of the stories of loss and love. I have to say i had a bad night sleeping so I’m wondering if the sadness from the group just compounded my own. The facilitator said that we would feel sad today but as we moved forward with our meetings, we would experience other feelings too. Next week we are suppose to bring a photo of our spouse so we can share it with the group. And we can get an understanding of who we are talking about. I started yesterday on a positive note. I walked outside and noticed the beautiful sky. I cooked a “ real” dinner. But now I’ve slid back to sadness. It’s tough and i know it’s a roller coaster ride. Still praying continually for peace!
  12. Grieving my future

    On a positive note, my refrigerator only blew a fuse. Still a bitter reminder of my new life. Last night I invited our pastor over. I was telling him that I am continually praying for peace and comfort. I want to get negative thoughts of doubt and guilt out of my head. He stressed to me that it was important to keep praying and to keep reading scripture. Eventually, God's love will fill me. I am hopeful that I will receive his grace and peace. I start my bereavement group tonight. I will keep you updated on my progress and thoughts.
  13. I feel I let my soul mate down

    Carrots, ive been struggling with the same doubts. Even though his last words to me were he loved me and wanted to make me happy. I think I’m dealing with irrational thoughts. I’m in counseling and starting a grief group tomorrow but this is clearly the toughest things I’ve done.
  14. Grieving my future

    Is this a cruel joke? my daughter texted me at work to tell me the refrigerator stopped working. I had to leave my classroom and cry in the bathroom. Just a reminder that I’m alone. It hit me like a ton of bricks and it’s only a refrigerator. Prayers please !
  15. Grieving my future

    yes I did read them early on but I think I need to revisit. Thank you!
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