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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

bloomingmint

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About bloomingmint

  • Rank
    newbie
  • Birthday March 12

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    keeping a secret
  • Loss Type
    cousin passing, grandmother passing,
  • Angel Date
    I don't know what this is? :0

Converted

  • Occupation
    none
  1. So I am going to try and be on here as often as I can. I make no promises though. 

  2. Hello, I'm new to this forum but I actually came across it two weeks ago. I do want to say that I am going to counseling and going to my first appointment next Thursday so this is just a temporary way to let out what I've been hiding. To start off I lost a family member this year, two actually in the same year. One was in her 30s * my cousin * Another was my grandmother * 93* I want to start off by saying that I wasn't sure what I was grieving about when my cousin passed a way it was very sudden and a lot of mystery about it. It really didn't feel like their was any closure. It took me half of the year to try and move on and then before thanksgiving my grandmother passed away from old age. That brought back memories of my cousins funeral * her's was open casket my grandmothers was cremation * I went through the stages again, first two days or even three I couldn't eat very much. I could stomach soup at the very least but that only lasts for so long. Around the weekend when thanks giving arrived I was feeling confident enough to start eating solid foods again and I did. Later on though, I've noticed something strange. My ocd * and intrusive thoughts * have been acting up more then before and that's what prompted me to go back and seek help. I guess what this entails is that ... I've never really gone through this process before let alone twice and it hit me harder then I could have imagined. I am also starting to wonder if I am hearing things or if it's just an over active imagination along with my intrusive thoughts. You see, in the moment I think I am, but after a while it's just quiet and sometimes I can get past that by distracting myself. I'm just not sure how to bring that up to my counselor. :'( I'm not sure if it's something I am 100% experiencing or if it's from being at home and not going out as much during this time. I'm sorry if this sounds like a jumbled mess. I've been holding this in for a long time. As of 12/3/2017 I think I have an answer The word I am looking for was bereavement. Finding that word, reading the symptoms of it all, god I could cry right about now I truly thought I was starting to lose it with all that I've been typing out the past week. I don't have major signs of depression, but I've definitely felt everything else and the in betweens. Having Anxiety really doesn't help though. I understand this more now. It was the same when my dog passed away, all I could hear was his barking because I was so used to it, my grandma I thought she was talking to me at times because it was random things now and then. Now that I know what this all is I am definitely bringing this up to my therapist on Thursday. God, I could cry now though realizing that their is a word and it's not psychotic. When my cousin passed the only thing I could see was the her in the casket for three weeks straight. My brain thought it traumatic enough to block out but when my grandmother died it brought back all those memories. Now know that this is... unfortunately common I don't feel as off my rocker as I did before.
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