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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

Kitt

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    8
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About Kitt

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Interests
    Still figuring that out. For now, spirituality, puzzles, reading, gaming, spending time with my dogs.
  • Loss Type
    Mom Passed Away
  1. Usually when I talk about my mom, the tears come. Doesn't matter what the subject is, the instant I think about her, tears come. I can be anywhere. Then today, even though I spent a bit of the morning tearing from memories of her, I managed to get stuff done and then had to see to a customer. While I was chatting with him about work, my mom came up in conversation and no tears. I don't know if it's cos I was tearing this morning or because I was in "work" mode but nothing came. I don't know if I should be upset or okay with it.
  2. They say that people go through 5 stages of grief: Denial & Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. I think we all deal with our grief in our own way. Your sister is dealing with it in her own way. It sounds like she is trying to bury herself in memories so that she doesn't have to face that fact that she wasn't close to your mom. She probably also feels guilty for not spending more time with her. These are all guesses based on your story. You feel anger at her for taking over something you were both going to do together. You feel alone because your mom and you were close and you no longer have that closeness with anyone else. I fully understand that closeness. I had that with my mom and when she passed, I felt that loss acutely because I don't have that with anyone else. You are important. You were important to your mom. Now you just need to realise that you are important to you. Write your book. Maybe, in the end, you and your sister can join it together. Have half the book be from your perspective and half from hers. Just an idea. Sending you hugs.
  3. I cannot say I understand what it is like to lose a father. I didn't have one growing up. I had uncles and a step-grandfather till I was 12. But the words you have used to describe parts of how you feel I can identify with. I know how it feels to be hit by "I am never going to see him again". I get that with my mom at times. Never gets any easier. It's the opposite for me too. As time goes by it seems to get worse, not better. My mom was battling renal failure. She had that battle for about 7 years. The last week of her life also went by so fast. Monday she was looking not so great. Saturday evening she passed. Yeah I also went through what ifs. What if they had found that her kidneys were failing earlier. What if I could have found some way to get her onto dialysis. Same. I find myself wishing she was here so that I could take her to lunch. Go out with her more. Even though she lived with me, I don't know if I spent enough time with her. I think that when a person doesn't realise what loss really feels like, they seem to take it for granted. But when a person loses someone, they change. They notice things that others don't. They feel the regret. They feel the sadness and the hole inside that can't be explained to anyone who hasn't lost someone close. About a week after my mom passed, a person who I am no longer friendly with made a comment saying get over it. She is gone. You got to move on. I found the house that my mom grew up in as a way to get closer to her somehow. Thank you for sharing here. It helped me to realise that I am not alone in my grief journey.
  4. a hard day

    When the brain can't handle the things that are happening, it tends to want to stop. it tends to block things out. We put on our brave face. We put on a virtual face mask and we try and be strong. You are not alone. We all mourn in our own ways. I am a hugger cos sometimes there are no right words for a situation but hugging and human contact can be a balm of sorts. So I am sending you a hug.
  5. @ELiz I know how that feels - All I wanted was her. My mom passed in 2014 and when Christmas was coming up my husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said I want my mom. That was truly all I wanted. We haven't put up a Christmas tree since her passing. It just doesn't feel the same without her. I loved buying her presents and seeing her face light up. My memories from Christmas 2013 seeing her on the couch, laughing, crying in joy. But I can really understand you wanting to make it special for your children. Take it one minute at a time. No one can ask you do to more.
  6. When my mom was still alive, she believed with all her heart that she wanted to go be with the Lord. She loved him dearly. Seeing as we came from a Jewish family, I was brought up with 2 very different belief systems and so in the end, I chose to believe in Taoism. But not heavily into it at all. Just read the book and tried to follow a simple path. Then my mom passed away and I didn't want to live anymore. I got very sick about a month or so later. Drs said I was run down and the antibiotics could only take me so far. I needed to want to live and honestly, I didn't. That morning, my breathing was very laboured, I was on my way out and peacefully (I didn't have any pain) when I went to a place that was all white with figures in the background. And I kept hearing "it's not your time yet, it's not your time, it's not your time yet, it's not your time". It sounded female and beautiful. It touched my heart and I made a decision that I would fight. So I did. I recovered. 3 years have passed now and I still wish that I had just let go on that morning and gone to my mom. I need to believe that I will see her again. I have heard a lot of spiritual people who say that when there is a great loss or great hardships, people tend to flow towards spirituality and awakenings and I believe that to be true because of where I am at with my beliefs now. Anyone else with similar experiences?
  7. Marriage in the afterlife

    I know I am new to this site and over a year after this post, but I just wanted to say that I hope you found the answers you were seeking. If not here, then in your life somehow. We all question what we don't know and don't understand. Much love and hugs to you.
  8. I've had many losses in my life, but none compare to losing my mother. The crippling pain that seared through my body when I received the phone call on the evening of the 28/6/2014. I don't remember anymore if the nurse said "your mother has passed away" or "Your mother is gone" all I remember is the pain ripping through me. Never to recover. The hole in my heart. The weeks that followed were numb. I kept thinking she would walk through the door from a short holiday. But that never happened. Living without her is something I don't think I will ever get used to. I miss hearing people talk about her. I miss hearing people say her name. I miss her voice and hearing her talking to me. I miss her smell. My husband is wonderful. When I cry about her, he is very supportive. When I talk about her, he always adds his memories too. When people say that they know what I am going through, but they still have their mother or both their parents, I want to scream. We could drive each other crazy. Have huge fights. But she was the one I could phone no matter where I was and she was always on the other end of that call. She was my best friend. My everything. @Genna - that pain. that loss. I am sending you a huge hug cos no words can take away the pain but hugs don't need words.
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