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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

LadyWalker

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About LadyWalker

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Loss Type
    Partner
  1. He died in my arms

    @Mon_buck I lost my fiance a couple of months ago. I was there when he passed. We too had the opportunity to say I love you and I was the last face he saw. Those last moments, I didn't know were last moments but he definitely wanted it to be with me. His birthday just passed and he was also turning 37. I really hurt for you as you poured out. Yes, I know the sting, that stabbing pain. I pray that in this we all can help each other through. I pray for your strength and peace to get through. Please know that the are genuinely other's among you who understand and care about your loss and your well-being and making it through.
  2. Will it ever get better?

    @Teddi I'm not sure when things will get better or more manageable. I too understand that feeling of loneliness. I'm so nervous about the holidays. I'm truly sorry that you've experienced so much heartache. I hope that you continue to find the strength to make it from day to day. I can say coming here has actually been a great help and comfort to me and I hope it will be the same for you.
  3. I have to believe we'll me again

    Hello So, this week has really been hard. I found out that there are moments when I think ok, I'm good and all of a sudden I'm back in a sunken place. I won't pour out my whole life but I'll say this. I've never had a good relationship with my parents and at 18, I jumped straight into an unhealthy relationship that turned into a horrible marriage. He was only good to me the first two years and those were even off and on. I have always had a great relationship with God, in fact I'm struggling now because it's never been this hard to serve him before. No one has ever took time to invest in me like Shannon. With him it was genuine and reciprocal. He was excited to see me, we talked about everything, we never stopped talking. He was intentional about his care and concern for me and my children. The past couple of years I started getting sick and life just kept piling up on me. I'm the natural besides my kids, he was there. So the struggle is even harder because I've never had anyone to love me that way. Never had that kind of support before. We were literally best friends, so I lost a two in one deal. I just struggle knowing that his story was similar. He did not believe in marriage until he met me and he said he knew from the beginning that I was his wife but we never got there. We had finally come to a better place in life. The both of us. All we wanted was to finally enjoy life, be together, serve God and give our children a better life than we ever had. I'm grateful but I feel cheated at the same time.
  4. I have to believe we'll me again

    @KayC I wanted to go to the lake or at the park that we termed "our spot". He loved being outdoors. We went to the lake often. We dreamt a loud there. We grilled and sipped wine, hung out on blankets and watched the boats pass or we took the boys and watched them play. I'm not ready yet, not to go on my own. I realize that I have plenty of time to get there, I don't want to rush it and make the moment worse. I still can't stop crying when I think about him or talking about him. I'm going to get together with some of his family today and celebrate with them.
  5. I have to believe we'll me again

    Hello all, I am just asking for prayer and support the next couple of days. Shannon's birthday is the 16th and the 17th marks two months of his passing. I've been jittery all week. Now I have become overwhelmed with grief and sadness but I still want to celebrate his birthday. I'm hoping to push through and not withdraw. Thank you in advance for your support
  6. I have to believe we'll me again

    @Francine I was just saying earlier that I'm still so grateful to have had an opportunity to have had such an experience of love, support and friendship. I would definitely do it again, even if it meant having the same ending. I'm still pushing but there is a void, almost like a part of me went with him. Sometimes, I literally don't know what to do with myself. I definitely have to keep pressing and daily trying to draw strength from God. Even that is not so easy anymore, I sit and call on the Lord but sometimes I'm just still, confused, and lost for words. Yes, I'm still trying to process and gain understanding. We were almost there but almost never counts. I am still continuing to build upon the relationships that I have built with his family and friends, most importantly his children. Prayers are definitely welcomed and I too will pray for you. Secretly within myself I wonder if he's upset with me for grieving this way but I can't help it, it hurts so much. Thank you for the support.
  7. I have to believe we'll me again

    Q@KayC Thanks for your words of comfort and strength. I have found that the only way to understand this pain, is to experience such loss. I know by some of the help tips that you actually get it. I'm tired of being judged for my grieving process. I feel lonely without him. I really don't have anyone to talk to now. We literally shared everything. I have started counseling. I also took a job for less pay just because it's home health care and I may be able to provide comfort and companionship to someone else. My fiance has a cousin who lost her fiance just two months before he passed, so we encourage and strengthen each other. Yes, life has taken a huge turn and now I'm suddenly not so afraid of death any more. I don't want to die. I just want to finish my course and pray that he's waiting for me. I wait for signs to feel him around me but I can't. We had both gone through it pretty rough in life. He was just making amends with himself and enjoying life as a father, a man, a son, a brother and the love of my life. He had never met a woman like me before. We were constantly saying how we brought out the best in each other. He had recently told me how he had witnessed other people's happiness and other's who constantly smile. He said that he did not know what that was like but that he now smiled everyday. He told me that it was one thing to decide to be in a relationship but for him it was the moment that he realized that he could not imagine living the rest of his life without me. I still struggle with watching him go from himself to departing. Everyone says that I'm fortunate to have been with him up until his last moment. Yes, we did get to say I love you and hold each other. It's bittersweet because I watched it play out and now I keep trying to find ways to undo it. He is simply irreplaceable and one of a kind.
  8. I have to believe we'll me again

    Q@KayC Thanks for your words of comfort and strength. I have found that the only way to understand this pain, is to experience such loss. I know by some of the help tips that you actually get it. I'm tired of being judged for my grieving process. I feel lonely without him. I really don't have anyone to talk to now. We literally shared everything. I have started counseling. I also took a job for less pay just because it's home health care and I may be able to provide comfort and companionship to someone else. My fiance has a cousin who lost her fiance just two months before he passed, so we encourage and strengthen each other. Yes, life has taken a huge turn and now I'm suddenly not so afraid of death any more. I don't want to die. I just want to finish my course and pray that he's waiting for me. I wait for signs to feel him around me but I can't. We had both gone through it pretty rough in life. He was just making amends with himself and enjoying life as a father, a man, a son, a brother and the love of my life. He had never met a woman like me before. We were constantly saying how we brought out the best in each other. He had recently told me how he had witnessed other people's happiness and other's who constantly smile. He said that he did not know what that was like but that he now smiled everyday. He told me that it was one thing to decide to be in a relationship but for him it was the moment that he realized that he could not imagine living the rest of his life without me. I still struggle with watching him go from himself to departing. Everyone says that I'm fortunate to have been with him up until his last moment. Yes, we did get to say I love you and hold each other. It's bittersweet because I watched it play out and now I keep trying to find ways to undo it. He is simply irreplaceable and one of a kind.
  9. It's almost two months now since I lost my love. I had spent 13 years in a meaningless marriage that ended up being the best thing to ever happen to me. I met Shannon a couple of years after it all went down the drain. I wasn't looking for anyone but for the first time I did not want to find the strength to fight him off, like so many other's. We built a friendship first. Around about a year, my feelings were involved but he would give mixed signals, so I backed away. He let his pride get in the way and I let fear get in the way. We had some time apart and realized we didn't like it... We hated it. We started back up in February and we started our friendship back up and finally let our guards down. We brought our kids together. We started attending family gatherings. We became inseparable. We were planning to get a place together and he told me that he always knew that I was supposed to be his wife. He went into ER September 15th, he was admitted. His night nurse said he would go home in a couple of days. Due to negligence, I had to watch him exit this side. I feel like life stopped and we were cheated. He would have been turning 37 this Thursday and I will a month later. We/he invested more in three years than any one else in my life. He was my best friend, I just have to believe that meet again
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