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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

Sehiza

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About Sehiza

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  1. all the things I couldn't describe and the feelings I couldn't sort out are writing here, It hurts so much it's unbearable.
  2. My mother passed away last year, after losing her long painful battle with cancer, she passed away right in fort of my eyes at the age of 50, for the few first weeks it didn't feel real and I didn't feel that sad, my heart and my head were all empty, but as the time was passing it started to hit me, I felt such an unbearable pain, I hoped I could take my heart out of my chest and throw it away and the pain was getting bigger as the time goes by, I was acting fine and smiling when I'm around others but as soon as I am alone I would cry my heart out until I fall asleep. I'm the biggest daughter 21 years old, mom left me with my younger brother and sick father I had to be a replacement for her and take care of my family, I lived the past year with so many regrets and so many fears, I eventually fall into depression, I put an end to most of my relations with other people, I failed my studies, and I spent most of my time alone, all I did was eating non stop and sleeping, in a short amount of time I gained more than 50 lbs, as someone with a eating disorder who struggled with maintaining her weight for a long time, that made me even more depressed. Now I feel like I'm wasting time, I don't want to live the same way anymore, I decided I will get up and get a grip of my life, but I feel like I will be betraying my mom letting go of her so easily and so fast, I think she will be sad seeing me forgetting about her and living just fine when she dedicated her whole life to me, even the last thing she said moments before her death was my name, I don't know what to do I'm having a battle with myself, I'm so lost and I don't know from where I should start.
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