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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About Christianos

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  • Interests
    My dog; bodypump; gym; gin; walking; cinema
  • Loss Type
    Entire family


  • Occupation
    Financial Consultant
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  1. When I was 14 my grandmother died - we were very, very close and I was distraught. When I was 17 my brother died in a motorcycle accident. When I was 30 my dad died, leaving only me and my mum. My mum was (is) the most important person to me. I genuinely feel like she was my soul. She was more like a best friend than a mum. She was my cheerleader and my confidante and my support system. She was my remaining connection with my past; with my family; with my upbringing. She was the most important and beautiful part of my life. When I was a child I used to say to myself that I could cope with anything except losing my mum and that my only recourse when she died would be suicide. For me it felt totally normal to accept this as a given, so strong was my bond with her. My mum died two years ago, when I was 38, and I am still struggling. I dream about her most nights. I am envious of everyone else around me who has parents. I feel anger that some people have both parents whereas all four members of my family have been taken from me. I know it's wrong to feel like that but I do. I have a fantastic partner but I am even envious of him, with two sisters, a brother, a niece, four nephews, both parents and loads of cousins. I have nobody. No one with my surname; no one who knew me as a child; no one who can reminisce about something that happened in the family years ago; no one who is 100% on my side whatever happens, even when I am in the wrong. And it hurts. And it makes me jealous. One of my friends was having boyfriend problems and I couldn't help but dismiss her. To me it's not a real problem if the guy you are seeing messes you around. Not when you still have your mum alive and well. And I think I am angry at the world, and it's making me hate everyone and everything. I argue with strangers on trains and tubes all the time and I think there's a connection with my feelings of how unfair it is that all my family has been ripped away from me. I want to feel like I'm not alone in feeling this way.
  2. I'm alone

    Hey, Imscared, I am brand new here and yours is the first post I've really seen. I think I can sympathise. I am going to make my own post about this. You're not alone.