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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

SusieRicky

Members
  • Content count

    8
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About SusieRicky

  • Rank
    Lost my bf
  • Birthday June 19

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Texas
  • Interests
    Piano, music, family
  • Loss Type
    My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years
  • Angel Date
    9/30/2017

Converted

  • Occupation
    Retired
  • Interests
    Music, piano, family
  • Last Name
    Brady
  • First Name
    Susie
  • Zip
    75067
  • Country
    United Stated
  1. BF Passed Away

    Omg.. you must have been terrified .. I’m so sorry. When the love of your life dies right in front of you, You see it but you just can’t believe it. I still can’t believe he’s gone. I dint even have his ashes or death certificate but we had a memorial service. How do we go on if our minds can’t yet believe it. My bf was in hospice for over 5 weeks and I saw his body deteriorate right in front of my eyes. He had a besutiful smike and these pretty greens eyes. But by the time he died.. he didn’t look anything like I knew him.. but I thank God for the time we had those 5 weeks together.. I never left him one night. I slept with him in his hospital bed always cuddling until the last week but my cot was level with his bed and we held hands until we fell asleep.. but like you I cannot get the last breath he took....and the body that was left was not my baby. Thank you fir sharing with me.. I know God will carry us through this.. we may never stop hurting.. but we will learn to live each day the best we can. Kerp in touch here.. we lost our loves so close together..
  2. BF Passed Away

    Well I understand it will take longer than I could even imagine.. today I got a card from the hospice that took care of him. A very nice group of people .. then I talked to the social worker from there for awhile.. it seems I need to keep talking.. I do wish my mom was here to hold me. I do have friends and family to talk to but it seems like now that it’s been two weeks tomorrow, people begin to stop talking.. I understand . They cannot imagine the hurt we are going through and life just keeps moving on while ours just seemed to have stopped.. even though we go through the motions of life. I ask myself where did that time go? I just met him.. I just fell in love.. it’s not fair.. but there’s no answers .., just emptiness..
  3. BF Passed Away

    HI KMB, Again I find myself crying .. I feel so empty.. I keep telling myself it will be ok, but I don’t feel it. I’m trying so hard to be strong. I just cannot believe I’ll never see him again. I hope it will get easier each day but I think that will be awhile.. thank you everybody for all of your kind words especially since everybody is going through their own losses..
  4. BF Passed Away

    I’m sorry you have had so much loss.. I pray that God helps you to adjust. I pray that time will make it easier to breathe and not cry so much.. everything I do reminds me of him. one of the things I do is write.. my poem for him before he passed.. I got to read it to him 8/25/17 Angels Gathering I can feel the angels gathering. Ready to knock on his door. I ask myself do I let them in? Do I dare let them take him now. I find I have no choice. I hear them knocking harder. Do I dare peak out? I hear the trumpets playing his song. Come home my son come home. I know I have to let them in I know he's ready to go. My Tears are flowing and I can't breathe But I know the angels have gathered outside the door I let them in and I can see him smile I'm glad I let the angels in. For My Love: Ricky Allen Porter By: Susie Brady
  5. BF Passed Away

    KayC it sounds like you have had a number of losses and taking care of someone you love that is dying is one of the hardest things one could ever imagine. It’s an awakening.. life is so precious.. one moment it’s there and then before you know it’s gone and when it happens you just can’t believe they are gone.. I only had him for 2 1/2 years.. but I loved him so much
  6. BF Passed Away

    Thank you KMB for your sweet message .. knowing how it feels makes a big difference then talking to folks who haven’t been there.. I do need a support system closer.. my daughter asked me to come to her house.. but she says ... mom you have to get over this .. I dint expect her to understand.. that will happen soon enough.. thank you again for understanding
  7. BF Passed Away

    Thank you Francine.. I feel so helpless.. I find myself crying at the most unusual times.. it’s hard to explain to people the way I feel.. I’ve honestly never hurt so bad and I lost my brother and mom.. it’s a different kind of hurt.. we said our vows to each other and I feel in my heart we are married.. we just had issues that kept us from being legally married. Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding..
  8. BF Passed Away

    Hi my name is Susie, my boyfriend passed away on September 30,2017. I spent over 5 weeks with him in hospice.. I only went home 3 times to wash clothes and shower in my own place.. I never slept at home. For the first 4 weeks I slept with him in his hospital bed.. there were some very sweet times and very hard times. He had some rebound days where we could talk but the days he was down, nIt much talking.. just pain and sleeping. The last week he began to fry sore so he got an air bed and I’ll never forget the last day we get t to sleep together.. so sad. I forgot to mention he had cancer.. we found out last November.. we thought he had at least 3 or 4 years .. it was not to be.. the hardest part was how his body deceived him.. by the time he passed .. he was barely recognizable.. I still have that vision of his last breath in my head.. he was the love of my life.. I thought we would have a lot longer together. My heart hurts so bad and sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe. I know it takes time.. and I’m still waiting for his ashes. I keep wondering how I’ll feel when I get them and see his actual death certificate.
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