Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

smk

Members
  • Content count

    9
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About smk

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Loss Type
    Mother
  • Angel Date
    August 5th
  1. Where to from here?

    Ashlee, I feel exactly the same way. I am coming up on 6 month anniversary of my mom's passing. Also of pneumonia, really not a pleasant last few days for her. All I want to do is lay on the couch with my dog and veg out. Which I have been doing when I am not at work. I have missed more work this year than I ever have before because there are days that I just can bring myself to get moving. I hate to admit but I also am numbing a bit with alcohol in the evening. I have some great friends that are pretty persistent but they are probably over me by now. My mom lived with me always. Now, every spot of my house is a memory. Uggg... Sorry, this is no advise for you but maybe it helps to know you are not alone.
  2. Thank you Cindy Jane it does help to hear others feedback and experience. Hugs excepted!
  3. Sadandlost, Thanks for responding and really understanding. Hearing you describe exactly how I feel makes me feel less crazy and hearing it takes a long time makes me feel like I shouldn't be over it the way I know others think I should.
  4. My mom died 5 months ago and I am really struggling. I have always lived with my mom and when I bought my house, she stayed with me. I went from a child living at home to an adult eventually who needed to take care of mom. I have no children or husband, it was just us (I do have siblings that are both married with kids and lives) and over the last several year I was her caregiver, especially this last year. Even had a full handicap bathroom installed in my living room with intention to have her move her bedroom downstairs into the living room. The bathroom was finished the day before she went into the hospital and she died 4 days later. She never used it. Today is January 1 and I have been off a week for the holiday break and go back to work tomorrow. I am dreading it, because I know people will expect me to be back to my old self, which I don't think will ever happen. For the last month some people would say "I look better" I don't even know how to react to this comment. It's like they think I had the flu or something and now I am better. Meanwhile, I feel horrible, no motivation and I feel very disconnected to daily living. So it is kind of confusing when they say I look better and yet I feel terrible. The latest comment was "well just get through the holidays and then its a New Year." Um, yes but that hasn't changed a thing for me. Also, I am not sure I want to go back to the person I was and "feel good" is that weird. I am almost afraid to lose the raw feeling I have now. I don't want to get use to her not being here. Okay, sorry, I am all over the place with my thoughts. Just needed to share. thanks
  5. My mom died 5 months ago and I am really struggling. I have always lived with my mom and when I bought my house, she stayed with me. I went from a child living at home to an adult eventually who needed to take care of mom. I have no children or husband, it was just us (I do have siblings that are both married with kids and lives) and over the last several year I was her caregiver, especially this last year. Even had a full handicap bathroom installed in my living room with intention to have her move her bedroom downstairs into the living room. The bathroom was finished the day before she went into the hospital and she died 4 days later. She never used it. Today is January 1 and I have been off a week for the holiday break and go back to work tomorrow. I am dreading it, because I know people will expect me to be back to my old self, which I don't think will ever happen. For the last month some people would say "I look better" I don't even know how to react to this comment. It's like they think I had the flu or something and now I am better. Meanwhile, I feel horrible, no motivation and I feel very disconnected to daily living. So it is kind of confusing when they say I look better and yet I feel terrible. The latest comment was "well just get through the holidays and then its a New Year." Um, yes but that hasn't changed a thing for me. Also, I am not sure I want to go back to the person I was and "feel good" is that weird. I am almost afraid to lose the raw feeling I have now. I don't want to get use to her not being here. Okay, sorry, I am all over the place with my thoughts. Just needed to share. thanks
  6. Oh my, that comment has happened to me several times the last month with my friends at work. My mom died 5 months ago and I am really struggling. When they say "I look better" I don't even know how to react. It's like they think I had the flu or something and now I am better. Meanwhile, I feel horrible, no motivation and I feel very disconnected to daily living. The latest comment is "well just get through the holidays and then its a New Year. " Um, yes but that hasn't changed a thing for me. I have always lived with my mom and when I bought my house, she stayed with me. I have no children or husband, it was just her and me and over the last several year I was her caregiver, especially this last year. Even had a full handicap bathroom installed in my living room with intention to have her move her bedroom downstairs into the living room. The bathroom was finished the day before she went into the hospital and she died 4 days later. She never used it. Anyway, I had to share how that comment really hit home with me. I have been off a week for the holiday break and go back to work tomorrow. I am dreading it, because I know people will expect me to be back to my old self, which I don't think will ever happen. Thanks for listining
  7. It's so lonely

    Thank you Tessa, it is nice to hear I am not crazy.
  8. Now what?

    Now what??? I feel exactly the same way. I don't have an answer. I also started watching videos..oh boy do i have alot of videos...just to hear and see her...so mixed emotions. I feel friends don't get it either, because my mom was 82, lived a good life and was declining. So I get the comment alot from friends and some family how she is better off. That doesn't help me.
  9. It's so lonely

    It's been 2 months for me as well. I am at a loss everyday. It seems to be getting worse than any better. My mom and I have always lived together. In the last few years I really was her caretaker and her support. I felt my purpose was really to care for her. For the last year she fully depended on me. My mom was disabled, so when I say I cared for her, it was more than just company and meals, it was getting from chair to scooter to car. In and out of the house etc. This past summer, I had a fully handicap bathroom built in my living room with the intention of converting the living room to her bedroom. The builders finished their work the day before I took her to the hospital and she died 3 days later. She never used the bathroom. Which is just added salt to the womb. Now, I am in my house alone and the quiet is maddening. I too do not have children. I have siblings but they have families and their own lives. My friends, 2 especially, are very kind, but even that isn't helping. They have express their concern (as if I should be functioning normally now) and want me to see a doctor or counseling. Honestly, I see no purpose to that, it won't change anything. People keep inviting me out to eat or over their house, but the few times of done that I feel like I am not even present, and for their sake I am suppose to act as if everything is fine. Uggg. Which leads me in to my work life, I am an elementary teacher and have always loved what I do, but even this right now is so difficult because I feel like I have to really put on an act in front of the kids. (Which I do, I am good and faking it and I would never ever want them to see me not at my best) I am dreading the upcoming holidays too. My mom was the center of our family and the holidays especially Christmas was her favorite. Not sure what that is going to be like. Well thats my story....
×