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tessa

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About tessa

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    Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    Australia
  • Loss Type
    mother
  • Angel Date
    4 August 2017
  1. Hi Sehzia, Don't look at it as letting go of your mother and forgetting about her. Look at it as your mother continues to live through you. As sadandlost wrote - she is part of you. If the shoe was on the other foot, and you were the mother, what would you want your daughter to be? To be a blubbering mess crying over you? Or to be back out there living life to the fullest? You mother would want you to be happy, right? So do it, start living again as your mom would want you to do. No guilt, there is nothing to be guilty about.
  2. Hi DDN, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother 3.5 months ago and I went through those empty. lonely, lost feelings you are going through. 3.5 months later and those feelings have subsided. It does get better, not great, but better. The raw emotions soften. I too did a lot of googling but I googled a different topic. Someone posted a link here to a youtube vid by a buddhist monk on death. I found listening to that monk's talk to be helpful for me. I can't find the link here but if you are interested, search youtube for something like "ajahn brahm death". He does a number of youtube vids on grief, death, reincarnation. (My apologies if this offends your religion)
  3. Hi prettydone. I'm sorry to hear of your losses. I don't have any useful advice apart from seeking help from a counsellor/therapist. What I wanted to say is - my mother lost everyone by the time she was 18. Her mother died when she was very young. Her father died when she was 18. She was an only child. At the age of 18, she was forced to marry my father. That was the culture then, she had to marry to be able to survive. She was a mother by the time she was 19. She had no one. No grandparents, no siblings, no cousins, no aunts/uncles. No one. And the family she married into were abusive. But she made it through, all the way to the age of 86. You can do it
  4. Feeling lost

    Hi Julie, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know what you mean by "functional zombie". I am the same. It's a breed, a species of humans and those who have lost someone special like us form this breed I loss my mother 3 months ago. Like your mother, my mother also gave up her life for us, her children. She sacrificed so much so we would be OK in life. She grew up in WWII so she knew poverty, hardship and wanted to make sure her children would not have to suffer like she did. How I am handling it - firstly, I accepted that mum going was the right time. If she had stayed longer, she would have suffered. That gave me comfort knowing she wasn't in pain. Then I got busy but not too busy. I found activities to do that would take my mind off things. And lastly, I'm telling myself I have to hang out here for a couple/few decades more before I can go and join my parents. That's how I keep going. It's doesn't make things better. There are good days and bad days. But it gets me through the days. I still miss my mum soooo badly but I have to keep going. I also don't know what to say to a therapist. I went and saw a shrink. Shrink asked me what I wanted her to help me with. I never went back because I don't know how she can help. She can't bring my mother back so there's nothing else to talk about. Having said that, I hear many people have results with psychologist. I just don't know what I am supposed to say to them.
  5. Hi FatiRose, Yes, the angel date is the day of passing. I'm sorry for your loss.
  6. I can't go on

    Hi Joshua, I am so sorry for your loss. In addition to what reader has written, seeking counselling, Have you thought of what your dad would have wanted for you? He would have wanted you to have a full and rich life, happiness. He wouldn't want to see you all upset and depressed. So how about coming out again and playing with the world. Be happy so your dad can be happy seeing you happy. Make your father proud. How about it, eh
  7. 9 months later

    Hi sadandlost. Per what Reader said. She could be the friend that's been sent by the universe to help you along. Or she may be contacting you because she herself is seeking help. We don't know. But it is an opportunity to chat to someone instead of those thoughts going round 'n round in our heads.
  8. Hi Sazza, I'm so sorry for your lost. I lost my mother 3 months ago and I still miss her badly. I too have that last image of my mother in my head. I saw her the moment she died. I also have the last image of my father. He died 4 years ago. The image will subside. I still see it but it is getting less and less often as time goes by and as I keep remembering the good times.
  9. One day....I hope

    Dementia isn't kind With the meaningless, my head space at the moment is - I've given up on life having a meaning. I'm just working on filling in the hours in the day to avoid the loneliness. I'm deliberately taking extra long to do things just to fill in time. I've also been on youtube listening to buddhist talks. So I have learned that the buddhist way is towards nothing. So I am working on 'nothing', removing wants, expectations etc and trying to become nothing. Of course I haven't had any success. I don't know how to be nothing and achieve nothing. But at least it gives me something to think about and keep those awful thoughts out of my head. I have thought about pet dogs/cats. How do they lie there everyday and be happy doing nothing. If I could do that, then there would be no feelings of loneliness, no purpose, emptiness. I dunno anymore.
  10. Do you have something like Lifeline where you are? Lifeline maybe able to refer you to someone to help you.
  11. Sick and tired of this

    Hi sweetheart. I understand your frustration/anger. I yelled at a friend the other day on this topic. It's a difficult topic. People don't know what to say. Some try to fix it like talking about God but it cannot be fixed. Our mothers are gone. No God is going to bring her back. She's gone forever. There is nothing that can be said or done except to give us a hug and let us cry and vent. Having said that, your mother's friend sounds like a kind soul. She sounds like she's concerned about you and so is keeping in contact every weekend. She's a kind person, she means well, she just doesn't know what to say or do. In such a situation, I would smile sweetly and pretend to agree whenever God steps into the picture. I'd pretend to agree while I remind myself that she means well.
  12. Thank-you for sharing. I have been wondering if it all stops when we die. Your story tells me that something still goes on. There is life after death in whatever form it is.Thanks
  13. One day....I hope

    Hi sadandlost, are you OK today? I'm hanging in there. The emptiness is the issue I'm working on now. I've worked through losing mum. I talked to my sister and we both agree that mum went at the right time. If she had stayed, the suffering would have started. She got out just in time. But the loneliness/emptiness is haunting. I need to find more things to do to fill in time. But I have no motivation. Like you wrote - one day .............. we'll re-adjust and be OK.
  14. Hi Jordan, it sounds like you have boxed in your emotions and that is the reason why you feel the way you do. You need to open up and let it out, or it will go round 'n round in your head and drive you mad. I lost my mother 2.5 months ago. I've found talking to my sister about our mother has helped. You say you shouldn't have to ask your mother. But how does she know you want to know? She can't read your mind. There is no shame. As I said before, Prince William and Prince Harry had mental health issues over the death of their mother. And Prince William is the future King of England. If a Prince and a future King can have mental health issues, then we can too Prince Harry has admitted to seeing a psychologist. There is no shame, it's normal to grieve the loss of a parent. I was talking to a 50 year old woman on the weekend. She lost her mother when she was 4yrs old. Obviously, she has no recollection of her mother. She still misses her mother nearly 50 years later. All she has is photos. She was only 4. Her younger sister was only 2 yrs old when their mother passed. Have you looked for mental health organizations in your area? They offer telephone support. Do a google and find someone to talk to. You will be OK, just seek help.
  15. Hi Jordan, as sadandlost has said - if you don't ask, your mother may not know you want to know so she hasn't told you. Your mother may not know that you want to know or may not think you are ready to hear. She may be waiting until you're 21 before she tells you. Or she may not be telling you because she thinks it might bring up hurt in you. We don't know why she hasn't told you because you haven't asked her. You're expecting her to tell you something she does not know you want to know. As sadandlost said - what is the worst thing that can happen if you ask her?
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