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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

Ema

Members
  • Content count

    33
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  • Last visited

About Ema

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Loss Type
    Dog
  • Angel Date
    9/26/17
  1. Did my dog visit me?

    Thanks Jen. I will accept what happened as loving contact . Im just so torn up right now. Like she just died and I miss her so much. I had her 18 years. A connection like no other. My llittle best friend from 8 weeks old to 18. The pain and sadness of this is unbearable . I know that you and everyone on this forum understands. Its comforting to write in here.
  2. Did my dog visit me?

    Last night, after midnight sometime, I felt a weight on my legs and had a sense it coukd be my dog , Yaffi. In a second she was licking my face and all full of her regular energy. I was kissing her and hugging her and felt her hair and her body as always. It was an intense experience and then it was gone. I specifically told myself that Im awake and not dreaming. I thought of calling someone to tell them what happened but it was the middle of the night and I wasnt sure this really happened. Did this really happen? Has anyone else experienced this? Im so grateful if it was real yet the pain of losing her is all fresh again and I cannot stop crying. Its 31/2 month since she died and I miss her terribly. Im just so sad . I want her back and Im just so sad.
  3. You won't believe me but.....

    Hi mike. I am so very sorry about whats happened to your family. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I hope you reach out and find support. When the world appears to be cold and uncaring, please know that there are more people than not, who would wrap their arms around you and show their support. Its in these forums that we know we are not alone. Peace to you.
  4. Older brother took his own life

    Hi corey. Im so sorry. Im 57 and feel the way you described feeling, with 2 daughters of my own after the death of my brother. Diabetic coma. I think these are universal feelings regardless of age..how. when..why...Im going to try to find some grief support so that I can get all of these feelings under control and live my life. I truly hope that you seek out a counselor through school, hospital, religeous center, wherever you can. Your whole life is ahead of you with so much for you to do, to become, to experience. You"ll be ok, but process all of this now. Dont allow it to become unresolved baggage . Your life is precious.
  5. Shock of Losing My Sister

    Hi stacey. I get what you mean. My older 59yr old brother died 3 weeks ago. The pain is huge but different than when my father died. He was a piece of my childhood. We played together,fought together, knew the same music of our years. I feel propelled into decades of the future. Im 57 but feel like 87 and although I am blessed to have 2 daughters..my mom and younger brother, cousins...this loss has taken taken a different toll on me. I understand. Im scared and dont want anyone to see it. I want to feel like myself, like all the pieces of my family are together but theyre not. I dont know what to do with all of this which is why Im writing on these forums. To let it out. My 18yr old dog died 3 months ago. I write in about that also. Its like im trying to continue life wearing a mask of myself when underneath im different, changed. Peace to you and your family.
  6. I'm all done now

    Robbi. Im sorry to see youre in so much pain. Losing our pet friends can only be understood by those who know the intense bond we share with them. Its way too soon for you to come to any conclusions about what life has in store for you. This all just happened. You just came through the holidays on the heels of your loss and its just the 2nd day of the new year. Take time to reflect upon how you can make choices that will be calming for you and healthy for you. Maybe a smaller apt without the baggage of a roomate. Allow people to earn your trust. Focus on bringing things into your orbit that bring you comfort and peace and fate will do the rest. Its January 2nd. Youre far from done. Youre just beginning and we cannot possibly know what waits for us around the corner. Sounds like you have a big heart that will warm people and maybe even a furry friend out there , when youre ready. Your story is still unfolding.
  7. I'm all done now

    I just want you all to know that whether you realize it or not, coming to this forum has been a great source of support for me and it seems, others. Just reading everyones sharing makes me know that Im not alone. Its 3 months since my dog baby died and 2 weeks since my brother died. I feel like Im just drifting through the days while grasping onto the inventory of blessings and grappling with fear. This is a safe place to come and just be how I am. Scared, sad on so many levels, guilty at times for my anger and on and on. Keep sharing. Peace in the new year to us all.
  8. Grief

    I searched out this site 3 months ago because of the grief I was going through in losing my 18yr old dog was overwhelming . And 2 weeks ago my 59 year old brother died. I feel nausiated with an underlying sadness all the time. I feel like he was witness to that part of my childhood and now thats gone. I thank God for my younger brother, my mother, aunts, uncle, cousins. But my older brother had a link to memories the younger doesnt. The music, the toys we played with. The time we shared a room in Brooklyn. Crimson and Clover, venus, in the year 2525, major matt mason...what do I do now? Im no longer a younger sister. He and I had our times of conflict through the years. But he was my big brother. How do we cope with all of this? Im 56 . I feel like Ive been pushed into some alternate zone where Im now an old woman waiting to die and I so dont want to feel like this. My sense of my life is shaken up . Thank the lord for mt precious daughters who give me joy . I know more than ever to count my blessings and there are many. Am I allowed to feel this sad?
  9. My brother dief

    My 59 year old older brother died 10 days ago. Its such a long story and Im too drained to explain right now. I just can not believe it. I feel so sad, like a part if me is missing, like my childhood is broken. How can this be real? My 18yr old dog died in September. Im afraid to move forward, like something else bad will happen. I dont know what my life is.
  10. Please help

    Hi sammy. I am so sorry for your loss. I dont think there is any right way to deal with this. Its so sad and impossible to grasp how you could suddenly be without a beloved companion and move on with your life. Its shocking, like being dropped into the ocean in the dark, reaching and grasping to stay afloat. You did everything possible to help Samantha including helping her to pass with dignity and love. Hold on to that. Cry, be sad, allow yourselves to be with whatever youre feeling right now and be there for one another for a hug, to listen or just be quiet together. Just be. This is a painful process. One day, one moment at a time. Write in to this gorum. The people here know what youre going through.
  11. I'm all done now

    Its just almost 3 months since I said good bye to my 18yr old dog baby Yaff and, 9 days since my 59 year old brother died after 3 months in a coma. You know the saying that things could always be worse?.. well, its true. I was devastated when Yaffi died and now that my brother died, I know that things could always be worse. Im in a total fog, pieces of the puzzle that make up me are missing. I wont allow myself to lose sight of the blessings I still have in my family and friends and our good health. We will find acceptance in all of this in time and manage our new realities. I want to enjoy the air, the sun, a great pastrami sandwhich, a walk around the block because my brother and my dog cannot. But I still can and will with them in mind because things could be worse.
  12. Sick with grief and guilt

    Hi AJW. I can understand what happened. It's probably true that it's too soon. We want to fill the void but under the best of circumstances it takes time to bond with a new pet and develop a rhythm of life together. I've been browsing online the pet shelters to look at the dogs. The thought of having that dog friend tempts me , but it won't be my Yaffi and its way too soon for me to go there. It is therapeutic in some way to see what's out there . To hope for a "one day" to be ready for a new dog love. But we have to be ready with room to love a new relationship . Take the time you need. There will be a cat thats just right for you and your husband when you're ready. Be easy on yourself.
  13. Sick with grief and guilt

    Hi ajwcat. It must have been awful at the rescue . You're just not ready and that's ok. It's in your heart to have a relationship with a cat and you will when you are ready. I understand about being scared after what we've been through. Loving another pet with the thought of having to lose them one day makes it frightening to consider. If I were to take in a new dog right now I would be crying all the time at the thought of losing her rather than enjoying her. Im definitely not ready. On the other hand, we really don't know what life has in store for us and not having that love again would be even worse so take your time. If its in our hearts to have a bond with a dog or cat or any Pet, then we will again when we are ready for a new love and relationship.
  14. 2 Months Later

    It's just about 2 months since I said good bye to my dog soulmate of 18 years, an Italian greyhound, Yaffi. I've been doing a little better but still have my episodes of painful grief and loss of her. I've been pulling up some video of her I took this past year and just feel like she should still be here, she's part of me deeply. I told someone at Thanksgiving yesterday about her passing and they asked me why don't I just get another dog!..To that I firmly said that I Im not ready and that the loss of my furry baby soulmate could never be replaced but that maybe one day I could be open to a new relationship. I think this person didn't expect that but, what are people thinking when they say such thoughtless things?..and this woman had brought her own little dog with her!. Everyone has their own ways I suppose. I still have her food bowls and harness and leash where they've always been. Im just not wanting to put those away. They keep her with me. There's so much going on in the world, I have so much to be grateful for and yet this relationship loss overwhelms me. I am grateful for all the time I had with her but still Im just so sad. I just havent accepted that shes gone .Im grateful for this site to be able to put out My thoughts and feelings to you all who get it .
  15. Feeling guilt

    Hi Rebecca. Tomorrow is week 7 since my dog died. I did everything for her, she was my fur baby soulmate. I think that guilt is a part of all of this. We keep thinking of the variables and possible alternate outcomes . You did your best to care for your baby. I've written on this forum many times about my own guilt. In syringe feeding my Yaffi the days before she died I knocked out a tooth and Im so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt her. IM trying to forgive myself every day. We aren't perfect. We do the best we can and if it all comes from love then we have to let go of guilt. This is a heart wrenching sadness and pain. We all know it. Write whenever you need to. The support on this forum is amazing. Peace to you.
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