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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

Karl

Members
  • Content count

    7
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About Karl

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    England, UK
  • Loss Type
    Wife
  • Angel Date
    16/01/15
  1. Songs with your loved ones

    That is a great song, I already love the movie, we went to see the musical in London's West End, one of best shows I've seen.
  2. New here

    I suppose we each deal on our own way, I'm fortunate that when I've had a drink I don't get depressed. As to living, I see that at times we only exist, we don't live. Early on I was like everyone else numb, but we each have to go through the pain, otherwise we lock it in and end up suffering even worse. Whether you do it alone or with someone else is up to you, but it does need to come out! I still break down regularly, but it's now not everyday, small improvements will come, but it's different with each individual, and there will be massive ups and down, for instance I had a good few days week before last, but over the weekend my daughter was away and I was in the house all alone, I didn't have a good weekend. So prepare for these things to come along!
  3. It comes in waves

    Guilt is a part of the grieving process, they say it is one of the first parts, but I still have guilt over my relationship with my wife. Did I tell her that I loved her enough? or did I show how important she was to me? etc.... The loneliness you feel is the realisation of the missing part of you, like losing a limb. My loneliness is the hardest part to still cope with, I don't want to be around people often, I'm quite happy on my own. But the loneliness we feel is different than being by yourself, if you know what I mean, it's not sharing something in a movie or some gossip, not waking up to your love, not sharing experiences together etc... Don't push yourself, take time to do things your own way, and don't let others rush you or make choices for you, you may regret very quickly.
  4. New here

    Thank you for your lovely replies and comments. Even though I have suffered loss with my father, I never expected to suffer so much, even though I knew it was coming. That's not to say that I didn't think I would be bad, but not the level at which it hit me. I'm not saying drinking is ok, but I grew up with a father and mother who both worked in the beer and bar industry, so I saw alcohol used frequently and it was seen as normal, plus he was Scottish and knew how to drink, so it became something normal to do even from an early age. I had a wife to keep an eye on me which she did very well, but not now! I've been controlling it a lot better now, because as someone pointed out earlier, drinking doesn't take the problems away, sometimes it brings more. Oh and it costs a bloody fortune, I dare not think of how much I've spent over the past two years or so.
  5. Songs with your loved ones

    This was our song, I sang it to her early on in our relationship, I still cry when I hear it now. Bad English - When I See You Smile If you want a song that depicts my feelings now.
  6. first birthday

    As someone who actually doesn't celebrate birthdays, but when my anniversary comes along, I go away and do something different, my first anniversary without her I couldn't go away but last year me and my daughter climbed Ben Nevis on the day that would have been our 25th, this year I did a 1400 mile camping trip to the north of Scotland. I'm already planning next year, I also go away on the anniversary of her death, so I would say that is what works for me. In any case, do something that you want to do, to honor or mark someone that was special to you, whether its alone or with someone else, you make the choice.
  7. New here

    I thought I would introduce myself, I'm Karl and I lost my wife (Helen aged 47) of 23 years in Jan 2015, so its a little over two and a half years since my world changed forever! She was everything to me, she was my best friend and confidante and a fantastic mother to our two children (now 24 and 20). In 2012, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had all the therapies, which she didn't react well to, but was given the all clear, however in May 2014, found a lump in her neck, diagnosed with secondary breast cancer, then fairly quickly told it was terminal. She decided that she didn't want to live her remaining time, back and forth to hospital, getting treatment that would not help or would even make her feel worse, she wanted to go out on her terms with dignity. That is exactly what she did, she carried on doing what she always did, being there for others, not wanting to let her illness define her. We had our last holiday together in the November (Fort William in Scotland) before it was too difficult to go out, she stayed at home right up till a week before she died. I'm glad that she did as I know what it is like to watch someone fade away, I watched my father suffer with 6 months of the therapies and still die, which is just coming up to 15 years ago, wow that crept up without me realizing. It might be over two years but the pain is still so raw, as I've read with so many that it never goes away, it's just gets easier to control the emotions! I've also read with interest what others have said about how others are with you, I've had discussions with friends and I've told them that their lives go back to normal within a short time, but my life will never be normal again. We in a sense have to find a new normal, but don't expect in to come easily or quickly. I took redundancy and able to be at home with her before she died, and didn't rush to get back to work which I think was right for me, but that also meant I had a lot of time with my grief. The kids were great and handled it well, but I also know that they didn't want to talk about it with me because they knew it would upset me, so they supported each other, it was only recently that I have had a talk with my daughter, this was due to the funeral of my grandmother, which meant she broke down as we walked into same chapel as her mum. Additionally she had not been able to talk to her older brother as he moved out of town a few months earlier. So the reason I am now here is to be able to talk with like minded ones, who know what its like to be in the pit. I've not gone for counseling etc, though have thought about it a little recently, but I will admit I have drank more than is healthy, which I am dealing with. Sorry if went on a bit, but this is what its all about isn't it, being able to talk.
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