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Cutie Pie

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About Cutie Pie

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  • Birthday 03/21/1990

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  • Angel Date
    27 Aug 2017


  • First Name
  1. Lost of my husband best friend

    Dear Lonely spouse, I am really sorry for your loss. I hope you find a way to forgive yourself. I understand how it's like to go through different scenarios day and night trying to see what else you could have done to prevent this from happening. I do the same and I blame myself for not able to save my Panda as well. We sort of do this to ourselves to stay connected to our passed loved ones. I don't know how to comfort you. I wish we didn't have to go through this.
  2. Dear Sunflowerlove. Thank for your reply. I'm deeply sorry for your loss. I know by saying that really doesn't help. But these days I have ran out of ideas of what to do can actually help. I had another breakdown just now on the way to work. I cried crazy on the metro. I felt the pain of losing him all over again. Every Morning is torture. I have to think for a long time to convince myself that he has passed. I have trouble believing that he could actually die. It's so painful. I don't know how long I can take it anymore. I'm sorry that I am not being helpful and providing any conform for you. I hope you can get through this but still keep your baby at a very special place in your heart.
  3. Seeing a medium?

    It's brilliant. You have inspired me a lot. Tattoo his handwriting to the ringfinger is just so beautiful. I am gonna consider doing it myself as well. Thank you for this great idea.
  4. Oh. I am so sorry LoveGoli. Sorry for the mistake.
  5. Hi Patty. Forgive me if I am asking you a stupid question and I am not sure if you are a Christian. If you are, could you please tell me if it's true that people who commit suicide will not be reunited with their loved ones? and Why? I am not yet a true believer, but my panda baby is.
  6. Hi Patty. Glad to hear from you. You guys have been so kind helping me and comforting me. I totally get what you mean by take it one moment at a time. I thought I can do this. I thought I was getting better, but today it hit me again. I was on the way to work and talking to my panda as I've been doing since he died. Suddenly, I realized again that he will never love me back anymore. And there will on long be any new memories for us anymore. Whatever I do, it's gonna be just me. He is no long with me. I can't hear back from him anymore. Will never get a call or message from him anymore. I lost him forever. I wish I can say how much I miss him. I have ran out of words.
  7. Hi KMB, Thank you for your reply. My heart hurts every time when I see you guys call me cutie pie. He was the only person that calls me that, in fact, he called me sweet cutie pie. I thought by putting it as my display name would help me. But maybe now. It makes me miss him even more. I thought I was better. I thought at a point that I could manage, but I am down at the bottom again. I agree with you. Those who turned their backs on him will be punished. I will live to see that happen. I will protect my panda from them.
  8. I wish I could, but the person who told me is his niece. They will hurt her if I tell them what she told me. I'm stuck. It hurts me to know that his family knows the facts but they are not doing anything.
  9. Hi FirstWas, I'm sorry to hear that we have similar experience in this tragedy. I think that we can find comfort in each other and cheer each other up. You are right about the age gap that I have with my panda. it's 22 years. But I didn't feel it at all as he was just a vibrant man. He was so curious about life just as I do. We have so much to talk about everyday and we enjoy the same movies, food, travelling spots, etc. He was my one and only. I don't think that I will ever find someone like him ever again. I am gonna be alone and think about every second that we had together. Memories do fade and I am so scared that one day my memories of him will disappear. I don't want to leave him behind. It hurts me to see other people moving on with their lives as my panda just died. Why did this happen to him? I am dying for a answer. He was such a kind person, never hurt anybody. Why does he have to die? Why am I left behind? I ask myself everyday and I dont know the answer to anything anymore. I thought his wife was kind enough to lend a hand, even just a little bit of financial support. But I was wrong. His second wife (not married technically, but have two kids), received 31000 pounds from him just 6 days before he got sick. That money was for the kids tuition, but only 9000 needed for this term. So she had 22000 pounds in hand when my baby got sick and she didn't even mention it. She told me then that she didn't receive any money from my panda for the school fee and she is struggling to make the ends meet. That was a huge lie and I just found out about the truth. My world is upside down because I can not believe that she would leave the father of her children to die and hide the money for herself. I can't believe that my panda had children with such a cruel woman. He died, partially because she killed him. even not with her own hands, but too some degree she did. I completed understand what you mean by "It's just horrible having to experience the loss of the person you love the most AND have to deal with jealousy, competition, doubt and alienation." This is so true. I can't believe that some people put themselves behind my panda's life. Some people are just born evil.
  10. Hi Eagle-96, Thanks for your comforting words. I really needed it. It hurts to know that his close family held back my panda's money, even that money could have saved his life. I am amazed by what comes to people's mind when they see my baby lying in bed, defenseless and desperate for help. I agree that greed is a powerful thing and I believe that that greed they have will finally consume themselves. I hope that I will find peace. Once my panda is buried, I will start to heal I think. Thank you for replying to me. It really helps me to know that you guys understand my pain and struggle.
  11. Hi KayC, Thank you for sharing the article with me. It is beautiful and healing. I, for now, still cannot forgive myself for not being there. But with time, I will. I will try at least. I'm sorry that you were thrown out the room when he died. It's so painful to hear that and I have the image in my head of you thrown out of the room and crying your heart out. I know that you'd hope to be there for him. Hold him in your arms, or at least hold his hands and pat him and say that everything is gonna be alright. I love you. I dream to have that chance everyday. I think that I could have done that for him, could have held him, gave him a kiss, touched his cheek, held his hand. and told him that this is cutie pie, I love you with all my heart and I know exactly what you want to say even if you can't speak. I know you love me deeply. I will always remember how sweet your love is. I will love you forever and I will take care of myself for you and I will make sure your kids are ok. I wish he knew that I will do what's the best for his kids. I wish he knew that I really really really love him. Maybe he knew. maybe he didn't want me there when he died. Maybe he didn't want me to experience his death like that so he chose to die after I left. Lots of maybes. I heard that when people die they immediately get enlighten with the facts and wisdom. So he would know that I really love him and I've done everything I can to save me. He will feel my love and my sorrows. I hope he does. Thank you for cheering me up. I will try to stay strong and do everything I can to get my panda home. Nothing his family do or say would push me away.
  12. Hi M88 Thank you for your reply. Seems like there is always more truth to the story. I hate to say but I just found out that Panda's ex-wife had an joint account with Panda and before he was admitted to the hospital, several days before, Panda transferred 31000 pounds to the account for the kids tuition (they go to private schools). She had only needed 10000 to pay for this terms for the two kids and she had 21000 pounds available but she didn't say anything. After Panda got sick, she told me that she was even struggling to find money to pay for the tuition, but the fact was she had more than she needed all along. I can't put it into words anymore as I don't understand why did she give Panda up. Why did she kept quite about the money that Panda sent which could have been used to save his life. She was selfish. She decided that she wasn't gonna tell anybody about the money. On top of that, his half brother knew about the transfer as well when he found the transaction history on his laptop. I don't know when and I am afraid that I might discover later that both of them knew about the money and they came to an agreement to not tell anybody and not save Panda. My brain is burnt. My heart can't stop bleeding. I'm filled rage and I want to kill them myself. I don't know what to do. I am just hurt all over again. I don't know if I should travel to England with my Panda. I don't know. I would love to take him home, but I just don't have the courage to do so. We always travel to England together, this time, I might have to fly back all alone. How does that work? I don't know what to do. Thank you for your advise. I have talked to my Mom and she now understand how I really feel. That comforts me a lot.
  13. Lost and Confused

    Hi dharpster, I'm sorry for your loss. It hurts to see how your husband's family is treating you. Why do they have to make it even worse? I guess they are grieving as well, but in a rather strange and unbelievable way. I am so sad that you have to go through that. Sounds like you need real help from professionals, like a lawyer. I'm sorry that I don't know much about the Law in the states, but I think the marriage certificate you have is legally binding. Sincerely hope you can feel better, tho me myself don't know how to do that.
  14. first birthday

    This is a hard question for me. My panda's birthday is 27th March and mine is 21st March. So only 6 days apart. We've spent all of our birthdays together since we've been together. Usually, he likes to book a fancy hotel and take me shopping and for dinner. We would watch a movie together. I miss him. Everything about him. I don't know what I would do next year for our birthdays. I don't even know if I can visit his grave as he hasn't been buried and I'm not sure where his family would bury him. I miss him every second and wish he can give me another chance.
  15. first birthday

    Hi M88, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It's unbelievable that such an irresponsible person took his life and lives. I believe that you will get him justice. I'm here with you!