Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

divalite5

Members
  • Content count

    17
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About divalite5

  • Rank
    Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Littleton CO
  • Loss Type
    Husband passed waiting for a heart transplant
  • Angel Date
    August 4, 2017

Converted

  • First Name
    Ingrid

Recent Profile Visitors

60 profile views
  1. How to get through the day...

    KayC, Thank you so much for the wealth of information and books..... I do have a friend who taught me EFT and has also been helping me via Skype. She is a therapist who specialized in grief counseling (she is retired now and moved to Hawaii) I am thankful for her because I am on Medicare and they do not cover therapy unless it is through Hospice. I have read a few of the books that you have listed. I am going to print out that list and take it with me to the library and eventually read as many that call to me... I am also watching youtube on the subject of grieving.... I have to say, though, that belonging to this forum family has been the most help for me.... Thanks again for taking the time to send me the links and list of books.
  2. Seeing a medium?

    KMB, thank you for your honesty and stark, raw description of your experience. It is extremely more comforting to me to hear the realness of it than to listen to someone that tells me that "it's going to be ok, you're going to be just fine, give it time" kind of talk. It is refreshing to be on this forum and everyone on here has been amazing! I am so fortunate to have found this forum....
  3. How to get through the day...

    KMB, thank you for the encouraging words.... and also the suggestion of the other book by the same author. I agree that it would be a good idea to have a place on this forum for a list of reading material... I fully intend to read as many books on grieving as I can... This forum is also very helpful with so many thoughts, opinions and suggestions from people that really know how it feels... Thanks again! Hugs to you....
  4. Seeing a medium?

    I can't believe that there are other people feeling/ thinking these kinds of things.... I think about this all of the time and then I feel like I am just going insane. How strange is it to feel comfort in the fact that others feel the same?! I just don't want innocent people to suffer and die. Just me.
  5. How to get through the day...

    Thank you for the kind words Debo. I will look up the book you recommended. It sounds like what I need right now... I do have trouble focusing or concentrating so it might take me a while to read it. One day at a time or sometimes one moment at a time.....
  6. How to get through the day...

    Thank you LoveD! Hugs back to you!
  7. How to get through the day...

    I am so sorry for your loss, Debo. My husband passed August 4th, 2017 on "Coast Guard Day" He was retired from the Coast Guard. The last 3 weeks of his life was hell and torture for him while he was waiting for a heart transplant after going through the grueling procedures and testing to become eligible. The ironic sad fact is that he finally was approved to get on the Waiting List but they said he wasn't "sick enough" to be put at the top of the list. Two days after the doctor told him that, he had to be air ambulance to the Transplant Center and he had to have a temp. heart pump put in to keep him alive. On day 3 they said that they have to put a LVAD into his heart because a heart did not become available in time... The danger of that is blood clotting so they put hm on blood thinners and then he had a stroke. Then they took him off the thinners and he developed all kinds of infections but he was still hanging in there. The worst part of all of this is that they kept giving me hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That the LVAD was working and when a heart became available, he would receive it. However, he had to be put back on the blood thinners and then he had a massive stroke. They then removed half of his skull to relieve the pressure. He made it through that surgery as well but he never regained consciousness. I had to make the horrific decision to take him off life support. He had 3 major surgeries in 3 weeks and he died anyway.... I keep thinking that there must have been some other thing that I didn't do that might have kept him alive. I didn't want to give the go ahead to take him off of the life support. I was praying that he would just open his eyes and smile at me like the last time. I keep thinking it was too soon to take him off of the the support but the doctors were telling me that his brain function was gone. I know that I am rambling here but I am having a really hard day today. He and I had just purchased a townhouse and were planning on getting a dog. We never got that far and I still haven't been able to unpack things. My daughters are both single moms working full time and I don't have any close friends that live close by. My best friend moved to Hawaii last year but thank goodness there is Skype. This forum has really been helpful! No one can give advice to make me feel better other than people that have actually experienced this horror first hand. Every day that goes by, I cry.... I have developed PTSD from all of the trauma visions from the ICU i.e. Big black staples holding his skull together and so many tubes and wounds and blood from him "bleeding out" I'm sorry, I shouldn't be so graphic but I just needed to get it out of my head. Thank you for whoever is listening/reading this.... Blessings to all of you!
  8. How to get through the day...

    Thanks for sharing your story and reminding me of things that I have forgotten.... " We can't change what ISN'T anymore, but we can live what IS now. It's a practice, a way of life, indeed, an art. Living in the present. Being present. This is the way back to life" I have read "The Power of Now" many years ago and had forgotten the concept during my intense grieving... Thank you for the reminder! Blessings~
  9. How to get through the day...

    Yes..... Hope is what I try to focus on. Without it, I would surely be lost.....
  10. How to get through the day...

    I can't tell you how inspirational your words are to me.... "we can either let it destroy us and become bitter and never let it go of can let it make us stronger and grow us" Those words really spoke to me! There was a type of "spark" that flickered for a moment..... Maybe a spark of hope that there could be life beyond this unbearable grief and sadness... I agree that faith in God is what will help me get through this and He sent your words to me...
  11. How to get through the day...

    Thank you, Francine, for your response.... It is scary to realize (from others years after the loss) that is doesn't get "easier" I am finding out exactly what you so eloquently described, as a reality for me now. It has been about 3 months now and I still wake up in the morning "forgetting" that Ron is no longer by my side and then when the reality hits me, the whole nightmare begins again for another long long day. I am really grateful for this support group because, in my opinion, no one can know/feel what I am going through unless one has been through it themselves. How to respond to "it will get easier" or "it will pass" or "you have to get on with your life" I have secluded myself so I am not subjected to these "well meaning" friends giving me advice. I thank you again for giving me the raw honesty..... It makes me feel more real. Blessings~ Ingrid
  12. How to get through the day...

    Thank you sharing your experiences.... It really helps when I feel guilty for just not being motivated to do anything (including taking a shower) I would like to write more, however, I am having a very bad day today and I just feel so numb.... Words just won't come out.... I will write when my mind is working a little better.... Hugs to you all..... I am so grateful for finding this forum. I feel like it is a sort of special "family" to me....
  13. How to get through the day...

    Dear Francine, Thank you for your words of comfort.... I so appreciate hearing from all of you on this forum. It feels wonderful to finally hear my own thoughts coming from other people that have gone or are going through what I am going through. I have felt so alone with my grief and pain, feeling that none of my family or friends had any idea how it feels. How could they? They haven't had the experience. It's true that every morning that I wake up I feel torn apart all over again.... Once the realization hits me that Ron is really gone and I will never hear his jokes or singing again. I do believe that I will see him again after my life ends here and I move on to the next. That does give me comfort... But living each day without him is unbearable at this time. I am so hoping that I will be able to overcome the feelings of overwhelming grief and be able to function a bit better as time moves on. It's true that I have to live just one moment at a time. It's hard to do but it does help when I can do it. I also try not to think of the memories yet.... It's too soon. Thank you again for taking the time to write such a heartfelt message to me.... It really meant a lot to me and helped tremendously. It is a good feeling to feel connected to these wonderful people on this forum. I am so grateful that I was guided here.... Hugs to you!
  14. How to get through the day...

    Hello Kay, First of all let me say sorry for your loss.... Thank you for the extremely helpful advice. It is hard to realize that I will miss him every day for the rest of my life.... It is also hard to imagine that the intensity will lessen eventually... I did take down his photos and then put them back up. I also didn't want to move anything that belonged to him anywhere in the house like the bathroom, kitchen, garage... I thought, at first, that if I moved his things out of sight that it wouldn't be so painful to always have to look at them, however, then I realized it was more painful to remove them like he didn't exist at all.... It's only been a month for me and I just can't imagine living in this kind of hell every day... I do make myself get out little bits of time and also have a great friend who happens to be a therapist (but sadly moved to Hawaii last year) but there is still FaceTime so that helps. Also, I was contemplating getting a little dog to keep me company..... I really appreciate you taking the time to write to me with your wisdom and experience. I can't express in words how much that helps me! Big Hug!
  15. How to get through the day...

    Hello M88 and Judy! Thank you so much for the replies..... It is very comforting to hear from someone that actually understands the overwhelming grief and pain that I feel right now..... I have found in my very brief time since my husband/best friend passed away, that most people feel really uncomfortable around me and try to make small talk with me to cheer me up. I don't know how to let them know that I really don't feel it necessary to say anything at all..... In fact, it is just comforting to have someone just give a heartfelt hug and leave it at that.... I appreciate their effort, however I feel like I just want to be alone and talk to my husband (Ronald) My daughters think that I should make the effort to get out and do "normal" things like shopping. But like I had mentioned, I tried that and I had to leave the store due to having such an emotional melt down going down a certain aisle causing me to have a major trigger memory... I am just so happy to have found this forum. I feel less lonely.... Hugs to you..... Also, I am also so very sorry for your loss.....
×