Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Mooma

  • Rank

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    NY - New York
  • Interests
    I don't feel I have them anymore.
  • Loss Type
    Loss of 20 year old daughter to overdose
  • Angel Date
    April 29, 2017


  • Last Name
  • First Name
  • Zip
  1. loss of my only child

    Barbara, I also lost my daughter to heroin. It's been five months, and I want to scream every day. She wasn't my only, but my first born. She was 20. It's an indescribable pain. We're not equipped for this, this wasn't supposed to happen.
  2. Can a forum help me? It's unbearable.

    Should i go there and quote my original post?
  3. Can a forum help me? It's unbearable.

    Thank you for your advice. How do i go about joining you in the adult loss page?
  4. Can a forum help me? It's unbearable.

    Tommy's mom, thank you. It's all surreal. Time almost doesn't exist to me anymore. It's all I think about. I want to function, but it seems as if people think I'm able to just pull myself out of it. As if our brains can even comprehend losing a child. We're not wired for this, so our minds go haywire or shut off not knowing how to handle day to day life anymore with all this hurt. I'm hoping I can learn to deal with this in a way better than I am now, which is essentially deteriorating. I hope I find the strength that many of you have found.
  5. Can a forum help me? It's unbearable.

    Dear Mom8 Thank you for sharing your story with me. I appreciate it. I too feel very much alone. I tend to snap at my family because they don't know MY pain. I made her. You always feel that way about your children, you created them. Everywhere you went for 9 months, they were there. The time you can protect your child the most. Since her death, I feel like that child I made, I gave her life, but it was taken from me. It does feel like your heart is ripped out. It feels like there's black and emptiness inside, like I cry hot lava and breathe hot air. I know everyone says to stay strong for your other kids, and your deceased child would hate to see you suffer. I know all this. I wish it could stop, how crippled I've become, but I can't. I don't see how the days of my life will now be with my 2 children, not 3. As you are, with your 8, now 7. I've lived the past 20 years with her..everything I see sparks something in my head to shut down, or bawl. I cry and say her name. I don't know how to do this, to never laugh with her again, or hear her voice. And as of yet, of have still not received an autopsy/toxicology report..and have written them requesting it.
  6. I lost my 20 year old daughter to a drug overdose 4 months ago. I received the call from the detective that plays over and over in my mind that she passed away. Almost everything inside me died the moment my brain comprehended the words that came out of his mouth. She was bipolar, and became very manic.. but was one of the most outstanding individuals I can ever know. Such a wonderful person, but she couldn't stand to face the world without drugs. She was seeing a psychiatrist for years, and nothing worked. I have tried to protect her for 20 years, and I couldn't. Her sisters lost having this amazing soul in their lives, and I am unable to face the day. My body hurts, I weep constantly, I can't believe this is it. I gave her life, and it was taken from me. I don't know how to speak anymore. I can't smile. I can barely put on a brave face for my surviving daughters, which I believe is the only reason I'm still here. I want to know how I can breathe again. How I can feel the sunshine and not feel guilty that I'm able to feel it and not my daughter. Or to deal with the pain facing the fact that she will never feel it again. I can't exercise, it hurts to move. I have no one to talk to that can possibly understand me. I'm lucky I have anyone. I have a very small number of friends, and I snap at them or can only tell them I'm in an enormous amount of pain.