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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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  • Loss Type
    Small 15 year-old shi-tsu poodle called Mr Potter
  • Angel Date
    12 August


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  1. my sons dog Nash

    Hello, GaryJ. I am so sorry to her about your der Nash. But AJWCat is right: the panic pain does slowly subside. I, too, hate Saturdays--it was three weeks ago tomorrow early in the morning that I had to make the decision about my dear little Potter. I also really understand about not being able to get images out of your head. They just haunt and haunt. The only way to deal with these images, I have found, is to let them come and to cry. It is the only way. I also found AJWCat's link helpful, especially the advice to make positive and negative lists. Thank you. Please, GaryJ, allow yourself to cry. And know that, although the images will always be there, the grieving will allow you to process what has happened, and this will lessen the pain. Who was it who said 'as soon as we love, we give the Universe a massive weapon against us'? So true--but the very fact that you care so much means that you were a wonderful carer for Nash, and what happened was a tragic accident. if you had known it was going to happen you'd have acted differently. But you didn't know. And hindsight is the most exact of all sciences known to man..............
  2. Can't do this much longer

    Kay C's advice is so good. Nicky, AJWCat and all others suffering this terrible nightmare: please try to gain strength from all of the good things you did for your dear ones, and all the times you made them happy. Every death brings self-recrimination or guilt as well as agonising pangs of sadness. But if you can hear them talk to you, you will know that there is only love in their hearts for you. God bless you all.
  3. Can't do this much longer

    Dear Nicky, Please know that there are people out here who understand. Yes, everyone's experience is different, of course, but in every case the grief comes in waves of desperate and inconsolable pain. I understand; I do understand; I really do. I felt the same as I drove home from the vet's. Tomorrow I have to go and pick up my little bear's ashes. It will be hard, but it will keep him close to me, at least physically. But, quite by accident, I have found a way to talk to him: every night, just before I go to bed, I have taken to lighting a small scented candle on the windowsill, the idea being to light his way to bed for him. And then, suddenly, I knew he was there. Now I speak to him at that time. He always replies, and I know it is him. And I have taken to going on our favourite walk every day--well, all of it, that is. For the last eighteen months it was as much as he could do to get round just a quarter of it, very, very slowly, but still enjoying all its sights and smells....... In one particular place on this walk I speak to him and he comes to me. He is there, trotting along by my side, fit, well, healthy and full of life. I know that his spirit lives strongly on. I do believe that animals have spirits. Your little girl does. She is trying to communicate to you but you cannot hear her because of your grief. But one day soon you will hear her, and the clouds will clear; your heart will fill with calm for just a moment. And those moments of calm will slowly increase as you become more and more used to the new way of communicating with her. Meanwhile, her spirit is flying; she knows new life and no pain, except her loss of you. But she is watching you there. And one day, believe me it will happen. Without warning, Perhaps when you are least expecting it, she will speak to you clearly, and will tell you that you must go on. And she will show you ways in which she can help you to go on. Meanwhile, please know, as I said earlier, that there are people out here who deeply understand and share your grief, and who love you. Please, please, do not despair. You are not alone. We are here with you. We share every step of your way and you must turn to us when you need us. Do not give up.......Your little angel is there, waiting for you just to light the candle for her so that she can speak to you. Please find some solace in the sunshine knowing that she is standing just behind it, and in the knowledge that we are here with you........... .
  4. Can't do this much longer

    Hi, Nicky, I'm so sorry to read your story. What you are feeling hurts so much, and I know that you are feeling desperate.........trapped.........don't know where to go or what to do. I could repeat all of the usual stuff about ......... working through it..........not blaming yourself..........slow healing..........but it won't help. So what I would say to you is this: you blame yourself, and the memory haunts you. But you did not allow it to happen intentionally. It is unbearable, I know. But it was not your fault. You did not know it was going to happen. It happened in an instant, before you realised. You would have done anything to stop it. If you had known then what you know now it would never have taken place. But none of us can tell what is about to happen. It's part of being human. We ARE human, You would have done anything to prevent it but it was not your fault. Your darling knows that and will not blame you. How does she feel if she sees you so distraught? She is watching you and sending you the message that she knows you could have done nothing. She is saying to you that she loves you, always has done, and knows you will always love her. She doesn't want you to move on from your sadness because that is right--but she does want you to stop torturing yourself. You cannot help her by doing that. If you make yourself ill, it will cause her grief. The other thing is that, after we lose a friend like this, there is always something to blame ourselves for. With me, the trauma of the attack was not there, and my little man had nearly 16 years with me. I blame myself for not checking the new painkiller prescribed by the vet that I believe caused his stroke; I blame myself for not realising that his little head was going to drop as the sedative took effect. BUT I hand-fed him for three years, took him for incredibly slow walks every day to keep his little lungs clear of the developing problem, always pout him first, put my life on hold for him because I loved him so much..............took him for walks every day of his life.............found the best food............always showed my love for him........... Please, Nicky, try to think of all of the things in her life that you did RIGHT, and how much she loves you for that. Those are the things that you must hold onto. Cry, of course, and I will cry with you. But know that you did not let her down.............