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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

bloom

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About bloom

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    Member

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    IL
  • Loss Type
    Mother

Converted

  • Occupation
    Jazz Musician
  • Last Name
    Minchin
  • First Name
    Robert
  • Zip
    60546
  1. Dear Dgiirl, The things you mention in your post I have thought and felt the exact same things. One more conversation, if only I could see my mother one more time, etc, etc... The deep longing to see my mother again is with me everyday to some extent. I think it is just the normal part of grief. I have no more family, all gone. My mom was the only one left. No I am the last man standing, so to speak. But I do believe in a continual existence and many strange things have happened to me since my mothers passing. Quite blatant signs. Here is a quote you might find gives some hope: “To consider that after the death of the body the spirit perishes is like imagining that a bird in a cage will be destroyed if the cage is broken, though the bird has nothing to fear from the destruction of the cage. Our body is like the cage, and the spirit is like the bird…if the cage becomes broken, the bird will continue and exist. Its feelings will be even more powerful, its perceptions greater, and its happiness increased…”1 After its association with the body draws to a close, the soul will continue to progress in an eternal journey towards perfection. It will manifest the signs of God and His attributes, and will reveal His loving kindness and bounty.” An illumined soul continues to have an influence on progress in this world and the advancement of its peoples. It acts as “the leaven that leaveneth the world of being, and furnisheth the power through which the arts and wonders of the world are made manifest." -- Well, I do hope you feel better soon. Keep posting.
  2. I agree with everything you’ve said. It is surreal to lose a loved one. I don’t understand it at all. It’s sad beyond description. Everybody on the planet experiences the loss eventually but few want to talk about it. Too painful I guess. It does get better with time though. So it’s important to find someone to talk about it with. I wish I had the last conversation with my mother you describe. But it was not to be for me. I’m surprised I healed quite a bit and feel fairly good for the most part. Going through my moms death was like getting run over by a truck, getting hit by a baseball bat, shot, and then run over again! That’s how I describe the emotional pain I felt. Like going through a war. And I had no family so I went through it alone. At the funeral I was there alone. I was traumatized. But got through it all with the help of a therapist. And feeling better after 9 months. Still wish my mom was here but I accept that she isn’t. You’ll feel better one day. Talk to someone and be good to yourself. Hoping you’ll feel better soon. And keep posting here as we all want you to feel good again. We all learn from each other.
  3. That’s great news. You’re doing the right thing. Take care of yourself. Talk to the therapist and friends and you’ll begin to recover and feel better with time. I’m happy that you’re doing these things. And keep posting here as we all benefit from each other’s journey.
  4. Dear PatriciaEileen, so sorry for your loss and pain. We all share that together. It is so hard to go through especially at work. Though our loved ones have left this world, they have simply moved to the world of the soul, is my belief. I try to stay and focus on the moment or the task at hand. And allow myself time on my breaks or lunchtime to let it out. And try to remember happy times. If possible. Grief is not controllable and expresses itself whenever it wants to. I’m sure our loved ones would want us to be happy and enjoy our life. But, yes it is hard and we need to let ourselves grieve, and to also be kind to ourselves. It does get better in time, day by day, little by little. It’s important to stay connected and talk to friends who understand, or a therapist. I had a therapist who helped a lot. Let us know how you are doing. ((((Hugs)))))
  5. My condolences for your loss. My mom passed on in March 2017. I tried my best to prevent it. She died from kidney failure. I watched her die for two months. It was hard beyond description for me. I blamed myself for not being able to keep her alive. If only I had done something different it might have helped I told myself. But as the months passed I realized there was nothing one could have done to prevent it. Her body was failing and when that happens nobody can stop it, not doctors not God. A baby aspirin would not have prevented your Dads passing. Our deceased loved ones would not want us to suffer either in our grief. It takes time to heal from the death of our parents but you’ll notice that little by little you start to feel better. Keep posting here and expressing your feelings to family and friends who listen. In time you will heal. There are some good videos on grief on YouTube that might help as they have helped me and talking to a grief counselor or therapist is a good thing too.
  6. Dear Genna, I am so sorry for your loss of your mom. My heart goes out to you and my deepest condolences to you. I know it hurts. There are no words that will lessen the pain. My mom passed 7 months ago. I am 65 years old, she was 94. And yes, a part of me has left too. I miss her everyday, but also I am feeling better each and every day. It takes time. Day by day, little by little. We are all here for you. We all know how it feels. And hope for the best for you. Keep posting here.
  7. Dear friends, yes I know that feeling too. Everywhere I go in my area reminds me of my mother who passed March 2017. I don't know how to deal with it. I think the strong physical emotions such as crying, sobbing, screaming, shaking is the body's way of releasing the grief. I have no family left, my mom was it, except for an estranged sister who didn't care my mom way dying. I prefer to think of it as passing on, as I believe we move on to another "world" of some sort. But, the only thing that helps when I'm reminded of my mom, which is daily, hour by hour, is to try and remember her as happy, though she didn't have too many of those moments as she suffered from depression. And I also remember my goals that I want to accomplish, and just trying to stay in the moment. Other than that, it's not easy. So when the holidays come, I will be alone, no family. So that hurts. Grief will pass, we won't forget our loved ones and friends who have moved on. And life will once again be normal. I hope sooner, rather than later.
  8. Dear Mariesgril, I am so sorry for your loss of you Mam. And you have my deepest sympathies and condolences. I too lost a mother 6 months ago, so I know what it feels like. You have a need to grieve and need to allow yourself time to grieve. Don't listen to your husband and Dad. It takes times to heal. You need to talk to a counselor or therapist so they can help you heal. You will feel better eventually. I am starting to feel better and have hope for the future, so I know it is possible to heal. Please, Please, Please, find a therapist in your town. Maybe the town has free help. I went to a therapist and she helped me so very much. And also talk to your doctor, maybe your doctor can also help. The loss of a mother is so very hard and deeply emotional. Please know that everyone here cares for you and is concerned about you. Allow yourself time to grieve and find help. Love!
  9. Truly, I am sorry for everyones loss. We've all lost someone we love so much. A parent. Its been 6 months since my mother passed. And I am beginning to feel good and and start to look forward to the future more and more. And also reflect on everything that happened and try to understand it all. So I know as we all know, that the pain of loss is deep, hurts like you know what, and the sadness and anger, all those things associated with grief are all normal and part of the healing process. And we do start to feel better eventually. Thats for certain. But if I might suggest, that if we are having trouble dealing with the grief it is always a good idea to seek help. I have no more family left, my mom was the last one, except for a sister who doesnt care. So I went through my moms death alone. It was so traumatic for me that I had to get a therapist to help me. I could not have done it alone. So if we need help coping please seek out help. It just makes life easier and helps us heal.
  10. Hi Dani, my condolences and deepest sypathies on your loss. My mother passed 6 months ago. So I know the feelings you describe. I also wasnt there when my mother passed on. And I spent everyday with her during the last year of her life. I knew she wasnt long for this world. It is a shock to lose a mother. There's nothing quite like it. And it hurts deeply. Raises lots of questions, survivors guilt, and host of other issues. The grieving process takes is ongoing but you will feel better. It helps to talk to someone, I talked to a therapist for several months and that's the only way I could have gotten through it. I highly recommend it. I found myself sobbing uncontrollably at times, screaming and shouting, trying to scream and no sound would come out of my mouth, crying so hard my body shook. And that's all good, it's letting the grief express itself through the body. We can't surpress the grief, it has to be let out. I couldnt sleep for months. I would wish that my mom would visit me in a dream. She hasnt yet, that I can recall. But I do get other "signs" that have meaning only for me, and make sense. Dani, I hope that you can begin to eventually feel better, I know you will. It takes some time. We are here for you on this forum. We all understand what it feels like. Write often as this helps the healing process. And maybe check out a therapist to help you during this difficult time.
  11. Losing a parent, and I think, expecially a mom is so so so difficult. I am 65 and lost my mother 6 months ago. I took care of her for 12 years. There are no words to describe the loss. And even though all people experience it eventually, some don't like to talk about it because it's a painful subject and they don't want to be reminded of the pain. I am feeling much better these days. I had a therapist help me, and online forums. But if one can get a therapist to talk to in person, it really really helps. Most towns offer that service on a sliding scale depending on your income. I highly recommend it. We also need to be kind and patient and gentle to ourselves. Take it day by day, little by little. It does get better. As for friends who show little or no understanding, there's really nothing we can do about it. We need to focus our energy on healing ourselves and dealing with grief. I want you to know that we are here for you and understand the pain you are experiencing. It will lessen and you will eventually feel much better. Take it day by day and be good to yourself. to
  12. Thanks for the reply. We've had similar experiences. Like you, I don't think I could have watched her die. I also wasnt there the die she passed, but the day before. And I grieved for months before she even got sick. Becuase I knew what was coming. So we share that. Your words are very true. Every day it's hard, less so as time goes by, but it's the knowledge that she really is gone and never coming back, the finality of it is hard to comprehend. Thanks.
  13. Today I feel sad, very much miss my mother. I am feeling very alone, no family. Friends, yes, but its not the same. My mother passed when I wasnt there. Which I've come to learn is quite common. My big regrets are that I wasn't there when she passed and I didnt spend more time with her during my life. I so wish she could have had last words, but she was out of it, dementia, kidney failure. No last words, she didn't know who I was. Most often, she thought I was her father and her mother was still alive. And as for me, her son, she thought I was about 5 years old. So sad. I learned that when the body is deathly sick, there is nothing can be done to save it. No amount of prayers, or anything can stop the inevitable.
  14. Hi Sadandlost, good to hear from you. I feel your pain, believe me. Yes, I was just looking at my mothers picture and wishing she were here. Strangely, yesterday morning, I could feel her presence for about an hour. That just confirms my belief in the life after death. I prefer to think of it as Passing On. As far as your sister goes, I don't know the details, but I am sure its very difficult for you. Once the estate details and any other details are taken care of, I have a feeling you'll rest a little easier. My sister is and has been kind of a cold hearted person. But the funny thing is, I'd like to see her again, even for only a moment. Even though she had some incaredibly mean things to say to me, and about my mother, I can't but help think that she must feel some pain, loss and regret. Yes, missing my mother, I cry at the oddest times. I think the deep emotions we feel get expressed through our bodies. So we cry, scream, whatever it takes. Perhaps, you might get some comfort from these words as I do. I'm for sure not religious, but I like these words: "As to the question whether the souls will recognize each other in the spiritual world: This (fact) is certain; for the Kingdom is the world of vision (i. e., things are visible in it), where all concealed realities will become disclosed … Likewise will they find all the friends of God, both those of the former and recent times, present in the heavenly assemblage … Likewise, a love that one may have entertained for any one will not be forgotten in the world of the Kingdom. Likewise, thou wilt not forget (there) the life that thou hast had in the material world."
  15. Thank you so much for your reply Sadandlost. Yes, losing a loved one, and a mother especially, is so very difficult. I found myself driving in the car then suddenly screaming and shouting, crying, sobbing. Or watching TV and suddenly crying. Grief is no fun, but what choice do we have. Sorry about your mom, that experience sounds much more difficult than what I went through. It does get better eventually, day by day, little by little. I had a therapist help me for many months and I couldnt have gotten through it all with out her help. My sister, well, what can I say, there are no words to describe what she said and did to me. But I'm over that for the most part. After 6 months of grieving and several months of anticipatory grief before my mother died, I am beginning to feel better and hopeful for the future. Yesterday, I was thinking how tired I am of feeling sad and prefer to feel good and normal again. Today I woke up missing my mom, sad, but that disappeared and I feel fine as I write this. I also have a belief in a continual existence after this life ,so that gives me hope too. But yes, I wish I could see and talk to her once more. I am sure you know what I mean. I am here for you also. It does get better, little by little.
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