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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

bloom

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About bloom

  • Rank
    Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    IL
  • Loss Type
    Mother

Converted

  • Occupation
    Jazz Musician
  • Last Name
    Minchin
  • First Name
    Robert
  • Zip
    60546
  1. Dear friends, yes I know that feeling too. Everywhere I go in my area reminds me of my mother who passed March 2017. I don't know how to deal with it. I think the strong physical emotions such as crying, sobbing, screaming, shaking is the body's way of releasing the grief. I have no family left, my mom was it, except for an estranged sister who didn't care my mom way dying. I prefer to think of it as passing on, as I believe we move on to another "world" of some sort. But, the only thing that helps when I'm reminded of my mom, which is daily, hour by hour, is to try and remember her as happy, though she didn't have too many of those moments as she suffered from depression. And I also remember my goals that I want to accomplish, and just trying to stay in the moment. Other than that, it's not easy. So when the holidays come, I will be alone, no family. So that hurts. Grief will pass, we won't forget our loved ones and friends who have moved on. And life will once again be normal. I hope sooner, rather than later.
  2. Dear Mariesgril, I am so sorry for your loss of you Mam. And you have my deepest sympathies and condolences. I too lost a mother 6 months ago, so I know what it feels like. You have a need to grieve and need to allow yourself time to grieve. Don't listen to your husband and Dad. It takes times to heal. You need to talk to a counselor or therapist so they can help you heal. You will feel better eventually. I am starting to feel better and have hope for the future, so I know it is possible to heal. Please, Please, Please, find a therapist in your town. Maybe the town has free help. I went to a therapist and she helped me so very much. And also talk to your doctor, maybe your doctor can also help. The loss of a mother is so very hard and deeply emotional. Please know that everyone here cares for you and is concerned about you. Allow yourself time to grieve and find help. Love!
  3. Truly, I am sorry for everyones loss. We've all lost someone we love so much. A parent. Its been 6 months since my mother passed. And I am beginning to feel good and and start to look forward to the future more and more. And also reflect on everything that happened and try to understand it all. So I know as we all know, that the pain of loss is deep, hurts like you know what, and the sadness and anger, all those things associated with grief are all normal and part of the healing process. And we do start to feel better eventually. Thats for certain. But if I might suggest, that if we are having trouble dealing with the grief it is always a good idea to seek help. I have no more family left, my mom was the last one, except for a sister who doesnt care. So I went through my moms death alone. It was so traumatic for me that I had to get a therapist to help me. I could not have done it alone. So if we need help coping please seek out help. It just makes life easier and helps us heal.
  4. Hi Dani, my condolences and deepest sypathies on your loss. My mother passed 6 months ago. So I know the feelings you describe. I also wasnt there when my mother passed on. And I spent everyday with her during the last year of her life. I knew she wasnt long for this world. It is a shock to lose a mother. There's nothing quite like it. And it hurts deeply. Raises lots of questions, survivors guilt, and host of other issues. The grieving process takes is ongoing but you will feel better. It helps to talk to someone, I talked to a therapist for several months and that's the only way I could have gotten through it. I highly recommend it. I found myself sobbing uncontrollably at times, screaming and shouting, trying to scream and no sound would come out of my mouth, crying so hard my body shook. And that's all good, it's letting the grief express itself through the body. We can't surpress the grief, it has to be let out. I couldnt sleep for months. I would wish that my mom would visit me in a dream. She hasnt yet, that I can recall. But I do get other "signs" that have meaning only for me, and make sense. Dani, I hope that you can begin to eventually feel better, I know you will. It takes some time. We are here for you on this forum. We all understand what it feels like. Write often as this helps the healing process. And maybe check out a therapist to help you during this difficult time.
  5. Losing a parent, and I think, expecially a mom is so so so difficult. I am 65 and lost my mother 6 months ago. I took care of her for 12 years. There are no words to describe the loss. And even though all people experience it eventually, some don't like to talk about it because it's a painful subject and they don't want to be reminded of the pain. I am feeling much better these days. I had a therapist help me, and online forums. But if one can get a therapist to talk to in person, it really really helps. Most towns offer that service on a sliding scale depending on your income. I highly recommend it. We also need to be kind and patient and gentle to ourselves. Take it day by day, little by little. It does get better. As for friends who show little or no understanding, there's really nothing we can do about it. We need to focus our energy on healing ourselves and dealing with grief. I want you to know that we are here for you and understand the pain you are experiencing. It will lessen and you will eventually feel much better. Take it day by day and be good to yourself. to
  6. Thanks for the reply. We've had similar experiences. Like you, I don't think I could have watched her die. I also wasnt there the die she passed, but the day before. And I grieved for months before she even got sick. Becuase I knew what was coming. So we share that. Your words are very true. Every day it's hard, less so as time goes by, but it's the knowledge that she really is gone and never coming back, the finality of it is hard to comprehend. Thanks.
  7. Today I feel sad, very much miss my mother. I am feeling very alone, no family. Friends, yes, but its not the same. My mother passed when I wasnt there. Which I've come to learn is quite common. My big regrets are that I wasn't there when she passed and I didnt spend more time with her during my life. I so wish she could have had last words, but she was out of it, dementia, kidney failure. No last words, she didn't know who I was. Most often, she thought I was her father and her mother was still alive. And as for me, her son, she thought I was about 5 years old. So sad. I learned that when the body is deathly sick, there is nothing can be done to save it. No amount of prayers, or anything can stop the inevitable.
  8. Hi Sadandlost, good to hear from you. I feel your pain, believe me. Yes, I was just looking at my mothers picture and wishing she were here. Strangely, yesterday morning, I could feel her presence for about an hour. That just confirms my belief in the life after death. I prefer to think of it as Passing On. As far as your sister goes, I don't know the details, but I am sure its very difficult for you. Once the estate details and any other details are taken care of, I have a feeling you'll rest a little easier. My sister is and has been kind of a cold hearted person. But the funny thing is, I'd like to see her again, even for only a moment. Even though she had some incaredibly mean things to say to me, and about my mother, I can't but help think that she must feel some pain, loss and regret. Yes, missing my mother, I cry at the oddest times. I think the deep emotions we feel get expressed through our bodies. So we cry, scream, whatever it takes. Perhaps, you might get some comfort from these words as I do. I'm for sure not religious, but I like these words: "As to the question whether the souls will recognize each other in the spiritual world: This (fact) is certain; for the Kingdom is the world of vision (i. e., things are visible in it), where all concealed realities will become disclosed … Likewise will they find all the friends of God, both those of the former and recent times, present in the heavenly assemblage … Likewise, a love that one may have entertained for any one will not be forgotten in the world of the Kingdom. Likewise, thou wilt not forget (there) the life that thou hast had in the material world."
  9. Thank you so much for your reply Sadandlost. Yes, losing a loved one, and a mother especially, is so very difficult. I found myself driving in the car then suddenly screaming and shouting, crying, sobbing. Or watching TV and suddenly crying. Grief is no fun, but what choice do we have. Sorry about your mom, that experience sounds much more difficult than what I went through. It does get better eventually, day by day, little by little. I had a therapist help me for many months and I couldnt have gotten through it all with out her help. My sister, well, what can I say, there are no words to describe what she said and did to me. But I'm over that for the most part. After 6 months of grieving and several months of anticipatory grief before my mother died, I am beginning to feel better and hopeful for the future. Yesterday, I was thinking how tired I am of feeling sad and prefer to feel good and normal again. Today I woke up missing my mom, sad, but that disappeared and I feel fine as I write this. I also have a belief in a continual existence after this life ,so that gives me hope too. But yes, I wish I could see and talk to her once more. I am sure you know what I mean. I am here for you also. It does get better, little by little.
  10. I just joined this forum. And happy to find it on the web. I lost my mom about 6 months ago. She lived to almost 95. And was independent up to about 3 months before she passed. She was starting to get dementia, had 3rd stage kidney failure and stenosis of the back, terrible arthritis. In December 2016 she was pushing a grocery cart and shopping. She moved to assisted living at the end of that year. A month later she gets pneumonia. Enters the hospital, she also had a urinary tract infection which is brutal for elderly folks. And from that point on I watched her slip away and die for 2 months every day. THe wonderful doctor released her from the hospital, she goes into a nursing home, a few hours after she enters the nursing home, they send her to the hospital again. Apparently, the doctor released her but she still had a urinary tract infection. During this whole time, she is out of it, doesn't know who I am, etc. She goes back into a nursing home a few days later, the next day they tell me she has to go into hospice. Not long after she died. Its been about 6 months, and every day for more watching her slip away was the most horrendous, brutal, devastating time of my life. I sobbed, wept, screamed, just emotionally devastating. I have an estranged sister I had been trying to contact, I finally found her phone number and she returned my call. I needed her support, as I have no other family members alive. I am it. She cruelly told me she didn't care if our mother died if anybody I loved died, and she wanted us out of her life. I was in the car at the time she called me. And I parked the car and was feeling like I got run over by a tank! My poor mother wanted to live so much. She would climb out of the hospital bed and try to escape. But she eventually passed. No one came to the funeral as there is no family but me. Every day was just like being in a front line of a war for me. But somehow I made it, feeling better now, still miss my mom so much, but looking forward to the future. Today, I swear I could feel her presence, everything about her. So I am just sharing my thoughts this morning. Great website! Glad I found it.
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