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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

AJWCat

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    62
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About AJWCat

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    FL
  • Loss Type
    Cat
  • Angel Date
    August 12 2017

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    32746
  1. Sick with grief and guilt

    It is weird. Maybe I will reach out to the vet again as he had an appt. in November. I will let my cat sitter know soon. I know it will be a tough email to write and I will likely cry over it so it needs to be a moment where I am alone and ready for that. Another odd feeling, my friend has been out visiting us and she just left. It is very strange I actually feel a sense of loss. Like this weird sense that something is off. It's strange how losing our cat has made me very unsettled in general.
  2. horrible guilt and shame

    Maria, I totally agree with you. I miss my cat so much and yet I am starting to forget the little things, details. I hate it. It's like I am losing him again! But KayC is right of course, he will always be in my heart. I know I will never forget - I could never forget. And yet it's sad (and oddly scary) how memory fades. Also, I am glad though that nothing happened to me leaving our cat without me/us. He was so attached to me. He would talk at me (yell at me I used to day) when I was gone or when we came back from a trip.
  3. horrible guilt and shame

    So well said. I "like" it!
  4. Saw you just posted recently and thinking of you especially today. "Anniversaries" we not a big deal to me until I lost our sweet cat and now it seems I notice every landmark. :( I wanted to acknowledge Rex, I am sure he was loved so much!!

  5. Sick with grief and guilt

    I have been on a bit of a vacation, a little distraction for a few days which has been nice. That said, every now and then I have a wave of grief... of a wave of heartache overwhelm me to remember, our sweet kitty isn't waiting for us somewhere. He's not being boarded for a few days, he's not at home... and it makes me so sad. I also emailed our vet a day or two after we lost him and they never wrote back! Which seems so odd. I haven't been able to email our last cat sitter who watched him quite often over 2 years - as we travel a fair amount. She absolutely adored him. She would take a photo every day that she visited and send to me and we'd gush over how cute he was. That said, she knew we were moving so maybe I don't need to email her at all? Thoughts? Am I just sharing pain needlessly?
  6. horrible guilt and shame

    I am grateful to everyone as well. And I am trying to pay it forward to be here for others. I think people might feel awkward sharing how much pain they are in over their pets but I know what it is like. And if I can help I am so glad to. Losing pets is so tough.
  7. My heart is gone

    I am so so sorry for your loss. I literally have felt everything you are feeling exactly. And many people here from what I read do as well. Hard to say how long it will last. I am approaching 6 weeks after losing my sweet guy after having him 10 years and I am doing okay. But I will have a wave of grief that feels almost as bad as Day 1 all over. But I am not crying everyday. You just have to take it one moment at a time, one day at a time. Let yourself grieve and cry, it's all you can do. Just shows the depth of your love. It is so very hard when they are gone. It is an emotional and physical loss. Also, I will say that Simba had a peaceful passing at home with you all loving him. Please know you are very lucky for that. It does not make the pain easier but at least you had that.
  8. horrible guilt and shame

    My heart breaks for you, I understand the guilt. You are not a bad person. You didn't want anything bad for your kitty, it was the opposite. You don't need to think of anything else beyond that. I know it doesn't change what happened. I know how sad you are. Let yourself be sad for the loss, not for the situation, which was not your fault. I actually could have prevented losing my cat and I have managed to start to forgive myself.
  9. Guilt over loss of cat

    Yes, read the article. It does hurt, and this is a really difficult time for you. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I find if I need to express my feelings, coming here and writing helps. We all understand.
  10. Watching my baby die from lymphoma

    Oh my I am so sorry to read this! The crying and anxiety is normal. I had two cats that both died of lymphoma. It was a slow process but it was so hard. I am glad the vet will come to your house when it is time. You will know when the time is right. I know, I did. I remember the day for each of my cats. I could tell. Life wasn't any joy, it was only pain and I had to do the right thing for them. Please do come back, talk out your feelings as you move through this. Both dogs are so lucky to have such a wonderful person who has taken such good care of them and given so much love. My heart breaks for you!!
  11. Suicidal

    NickyV, I have been dark and despondent too. I know your story and it was awful. But, please DO NOT harm yourself. The posts of everyone here are correct. You should get help please. Also, you may not be ready, but many sweet animals could use someone just like you to rescue them. So many animals suffer without love when there are people that could help. I know it does not change what happened, but please consider that. I am so sorry this happened. Per the post above, make a call and talk to someone.
  12. horrible guilt and shame

    Yeah I cry at the gym a lot!
  13. Sick with grief and guilt

    I appreciate it, thank you!
  14. horrible guilt and shame

    Being only a week w/o my cat seems like forever ago. You are so new to this reality. I was still in shock too, even after a week. So I am not surprised sorry that you are still so sad. I am just over 5 weeks and still have waves of sadness between periods of being "normal." Looking around at all the places is awful. I am so sorry your heart is still breaking. Just shows how much you loved her. Let yourself cry over her, get it out if you have to. I did. Sometimes I have to just let myself sob. And nothing changes but I feel like I can function.
  15. Guilt over loss of cat

    Oh no I am so so sorry to read this! I too feel a tremendous amount of guilt for the part I played in my cat's death (which was sudden and painful.) It is really unfortunate about your dog as well, but you are right. You will need to decide what to do going forward. All I can say is that we are not superhuman and sometimes things do happen. There are so so many stories of animals here that were killed. It's never out of bad intention - in fact it's the opposite. People who adored their pets just like you. But something very small goes wrong, a simple mistake maybe or oversight... or just bad timing + life... like a cat not coming home after going out in the backyard. I wish you as much peace as possible during this time. Of course your kitty knows you loved her and at least you were there in the very end.
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