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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

Mayra

Members
  • Content count

    3
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Mayra

  • Rank
    Newbie
  • Birthday June 12

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Colorado/ Nevada
  • Loss Type
    Boyfriend Suicide Loss
  • Angel Date
    7/19/2017

Converted

  • Occupation
    Range Aid
  1. My Bed is My Favorite Place

    Sleep is currently the only way I see my love, I have so much guilt that every dream for the last 3 weeks I save him. Then I wake up and lay there and cry. I would love to have eternal sleep right now. To be with him again. Suicide loss of my boyfriend has torn me apart, I want the pain to go away.
  2. My boyfriend Roberto took his life on 7/19, he was the most wonderful, beautiful soul I had ever met. We only dated for 9 intense months, after day 4 he was taking care of me while I was depressed and alone. He quickly moved into my apt. and we were a couple. I met his family and everything seemed like he came from a good functioning family. He loved his mother very much and treated everyone with respect. Roberto and I would have arguments still getting to know each other and learning each other. We were together every moment of every day. Any free time was with him. We love to hike, bike to ice cream and go to parks. It was magical being with him. He was the best guy I had ever met. I quickly fell in love and so did he. There were times where i was unsure of the relationship because it was going to fast but, his romance and his eyes would make me swim back to him. This June I started a new job in Nevada, we both met in Colorado where we both reside. He was very proud I was pursuing my dream job and he supported me all the way. He was sad I was leaving, and that he would miss me a lot. We talked about communication and trust and we were both sure we could stay strong in the distance. The week before he took his life he was very sad he could not see me, I was on assignment for three days with no reception and low battery on my phone. I finally was able to stay in a hotel in Elko, Nevada. He asked me if I was cheating on him and I would never do that to him. He was very on edge and I was also physically and mentally tired. He had broken up with me through a text at the beginning of the week and I told him I needed space but that I still loved him and I was still his. He quickly asked me if I still loved him and I couldn't reply with a yes or no answer. I was frustrated with him for being so doubtful in our relationship, and he would freak out on the phone when we would talk, which I would hang up and tell him to call me back when he had his mind clear. Last conversation we had he had called my hotel room, which he didn't know which one I was in. Some how he had found out, told me to talk to him and I had already been in bed. I told him he was a creepy for knowing where I was and that I would talk to him in Denver and to leave me alone. That is the last thing I told him, out of anger and tiredness. He took his life that night I believe, his mom didn't find him until the next day when I kept calling him non stop. This is truly a nightmare, my guilt takes over me and tears me apart. I don't trust his family I have anxiety when they call me or text me. My family is worried about me but I want to be alone for all the pain I caused him in his last moments. I now know how he felt because I feel it. I cry at the moon, I tell him to show himself to me and he never does. He was so good to me and I was a horrible person. Can anyone relate is there anyone out there that can help me?
  3. I also lost my boyfriend and he left me a letter the investigators just released to me. As i write to you back I can't believe there is someone out there with as much pain as me. I also had many arguments with my boy friend, small things and in the end he was really upset at the distance we had because of my job. He was sad but, showed no signs of wanting to end his life. I didn't know he was so sensitive, the last words I said to him were negative and mean, as I was trying to sleep. I hate myself the guilt is tearing me apart and I'm angry that he left me. We had so many things planned for when I would come back after my seasonal job was over in the Fall. I want you to know your not alone.
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