To start with sorry about my spelling and grammar I have dislecsya and struggled through school but I'll use spell check the best I can
I'm not normally the type of person to reach out for help I have a thing for feeling like I can tell myself what's best for my self and think I'm right most of the time. I'm normally the one to help friends and family through hard times and give them advice but I've finally gotten to a point where I realise I need a hand before I let my life slip away from me
I'll try keep this as short as I can and not try make the story all one sided I don't want people to feel sorry for me I just want some advice
So here goes
I'm a male mid 20s I have a beautiful girl friend who is 20 and a daughter that's 3 who means the world to me
My father passed away mid 50s almost 2 years ago now after a long struggle with cancer it went on a few years but he never gave up and never let it show no matter how much pain he was going through
He passed away just after my daughter's birthday he never gave up fighting till the end for me and my family he still got up and went to work everyday till a week before he passed
As for me my life from the out side would seem great excelling in my work life making plenty of money nice car nice home boat bike beautiful family.
But behind everything my life is taking a downward spiral
I'm drinking to much to cope with everything going on but still holding my life together after some research turns out it become a functioning alcoholic
Now in saying that I have done a lot of research into it and how to fix the problem but I'm scared if I do this I will loose my partner then struggle with seeing my daughter. I wanna fix thing and not have to lose my family .
Problem I'm facing is my girlfriend dose not understand what I'm going through and I have not been aloud to grief since my father's passing to the point where she broke up with me the day of my father's funeral because she couldn't deal with it. In saying that I got drunk with my friends and family at the wake and didn't want to go home when she was ready to witch coursed a bit of a argument .
The next few weeks where spent trying to get my family back together rather then greifing the lose of my dad and being there for my mother and sister I feel selfish for this but I was kicked out of home felt like I lost my father girl friend and daughter all in a week and I was clinging on to try pull some of it back
After everything with my girlfriend was sorted out I still could not grief till this day I get up set she gets angry I get angry because she's angry about something she dosnt understand and yes I've tried to explain my side in calm words and I've told her I understand she dosnt know what I'm going through and some times I just wanna cry and feel sad but I can't
I've had to hide everything down inside
There's a few times its taken its toll and I've lost my mind (these are not when iv been drinking but instead sober ) I feel selfish when I think about it know but from say I was going to kill my self as maybe a despret cry for help to a time I actually failed an attempt at it witch I am glad now I didn't die I hate knowing I got to a point that I was about to put all my loved ones through something like that I hate myself for it
There is a lot of time things have happened where I see it as unfair on my side that I could go on about what I have told is just a start but like I said I'm not after people feeling sorry for me just some advise of where to go from here
At the moment I feel like I'm trapped I wanna stop drinking I wanna be happy after researching a lot it seems my drinking is a way of getting around my emotional response and to keep it all together and if I stop it would be come a time I have to front my problems not saying I don't want to do that I've tried to get my girlfriend to come see a councilor with me I've tried to explain my side to her she don't want a bar of it so I shut myself out again
And to be happy I need to either get rid of the problem or fix it
I've tried every way I could find from talking to her family about it telling her I need help and her to come trying to make her feel comfortable about the situation and to the point where I nilly lost my life
I want my happiness back and to keep my family that I love like I said there's a lot more to it and a lot that has happened to me since then that if I told my side it would seem pretty bad on her behalf but I feel these are relationship issues not just grief ones although it would of come in to play .
So where to go from here can anyone help I'll answer any questions u need to know to help me find an answer