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    • ModKonnie

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nicoleashley94

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About nicoleashley94

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

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  • Website URL
    https://notestoheavenblog.wordpress.com/

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Pennsylvania
  • Loss Type
    Boyfriend
  • Angel Date
    5/9/17

Converted

  • Occupation
    Student
  • Last Name
    Dubiac
  • First Name
    Nicole
  • Zip
    18505
  1. Boyfriend Died of Cardiac Arrest After Making Love

    Thank you. Glad to hear you are part of a group now. Thinking of you
  2. Boyfriend Died of Cardiac Arrest After Making Love

    “Pet loss”?! Losing a pet is on the same par as losing the person you love? Because you aren’t married? Wow!! I’m confused!
  3. Almost 2 years..

    I can relate - sometimes relationships with counselors fizzle out eventually. Sometimes it is helpful to find a new one sometimes it isn’t, it all depends on your needs. It is great that you have a big family/support system as not everyone is lucky enough to have that, so I hope they have been helpful in your journey through grief. As far as moving away, I too often wonder how I myself would feel if I moved. I’m truly not sure and I don’t lean a certain way. That is a tricky one. But again- how can we ever know what the “right” decision is? We will always have regrets or wondering because life is full of choices that’s need to be made. I’m glad to hear Dave has been supportive to you and you are able to be open with him, that’s important. It is scary to think about the future and serious commitments. I find myself talking abut getting engaged to my current partner and despite having known him for almost eight years, it still manages to freak me out at times. But this has something I have always been afraid of (deep down)- commitment. It also just hurts and probably always will to know that it’s not who you envisioned you would be doing these things with. I think it is okay and perfectly healthy to live in the moment and not really be one for making plans. I feel that way. Plans rarely work out the exact way you envision them in your head, and life is very fragile , people are fragile. Life is scary! It is nice talking to you and I am appreciative of your replies as well
  4. Almost 2 years..

    Thank you. Have you been seeing a counselor to discuss/process your feelings? I know that has been helpful for me, but it has to be with the right person. It is hard to live out the daily tasks of life and process through grief.. I know for me In the first few months I felt like I had no time to really let myself get emotional or process things through, which is definitely not good because I still get very emotional when talking about Jake, and I carry a lot of unresolved/not talked about pain with me and can definitely break down at the drop of a hat depending on the circumstances and how fragile I am feeling. Unprocessed emotions can/will definitely hinder you in the long run and I suggest pushing yourself to really sit with your grief even though it is painful. It makes sense why you sometimes wonder if this new person is the “right one” because you lost someone you considered to be the right one but had that taken away from you. But here is the thing- how can we ever truly be certain anyone is the “right one”? There is no way to ever define that and there is no specific criteria to follow. It is very ambiguous. You just have to do what you feel is right in the moment and what makes you happy in the moment. I think 2 years is a fair amount of time and doesn’t seem you are rushing things with this other person in your life. I do know that for me, having known my partner I am with currently for seven years has definitely helped me not compare him to Jake, because I already know how they are each unique/different. I think you could open up to your current partner and share with him you feel you are pushing him away and see what’s his perception/understanding is. Maybe he doesn’t even think you are pushing him away. And I’m sure you are not purposely pushing him away. Traumatic loss has a way of making us act in ways we feel we have no control over - out of fear
  5. What do I do??

    I completely understand that too, I don’t have many people to talk about it with either. Beside on here, which makes everything feel a bit better.
  6. Boyfriend Died of Cardiac Arrest After Making Love

    First let me begin by stating how sorry I am for the loss of your love. I truly cannot believe a mental health professional would say something like that to you, about you not being together long enough. That must have been very upsetting to you. I can say from my own experience that I know what you feel in the sense that I was only with my boyfriend a few short months as well. Time does not matter. Love does not have a timeline. You know the relationship you had with your loved one better than any other person ever could. Even his family members or friends could never truly know what you two shared with each other. People on the outside looking in don’t have the capacity to put themselves in your shoes because most often they have never had to experience losing a loved one, especially so soon into a relationship. It is a very hard and isolating thing to go through. I am sorry you are having difficulty finding a group to “fit in with” but do know this forum is very helpful, healing, and nonjudgmental.
  7. What do I do??

    I agree, time will help (I hope). I also replay moments exactly as they occurred in my head and it’s been over eight months. I can’t get images out of my head and I hate it, but I cannot change it. I guess I do have to be a bit more kind/forgiving to myself.
  8. What do I do??

    You are right - we do make decisions based upon what we know in that moment. Sometimes I forget that we don’t/can’t possibly know everything at all times. We are all simply human
  9. What do I do??

    Azipod, Thank you that is helpful advice and I never quite looked at it from that perspective. It is still very hard, I actually also blame myself because I went on vacation for a week by myself..and that was when Jake seemed to fall apart and without my knowledge began using again. It’s just all so hard :,(
  10. What do I do??

    It is quite crazy how similar our situations are and I find comfort in that and feel a bit less alone. I appreciate your openness and sharing with us, and with me. I also thought my boyfriend was sick- he said he was so I believed him and I attributed that to his off behavior. Little did I know. There are just so much guilt and “what ifs” I carry within me and I’m not sure much could ever change that.
  11. What do I do??

    Thank you. I’m sorry for your loss and your pain as well. There are many days where I feel sad for me and what is now missing from my life too, don’t get me wrong. You are right. It is all terrible.
  12. Almost 2 years..

    Deekay, im sorry for the loss of your fiancé and for everything you and your family has been struggling through. It sounds like you have experienced many unfortunate events and circumstances throughout your life thus far. Your fiancé was your rock and you said he was the only good thing in your life. Losing your partner traumatically is something no one should have to experience. I’m glad you came here and felt comfortable enough to open up, it takes strength and courage to put your heart out there. I think you will find great support and advice on here. I don’t think you should feel bad or guilty or think your fiancé would be mad at you for seeing someone new. But it is normal to feel that way. Opening up to another person is very scary. After all, each of us opened up and loved our partner so very dearly only to have them taken away from us. This is scary and can make us anxious about the possibility of the loss of another person we get close to and who we love. I hope you can feel comfortable discussing your feelings with this new person in your life. A few months after my boyfriend Jake died, I actually got back together with my long-term ex boyfriend and he knows about Jake and is very understanding and helpful to me. Though I am not completely open with my current boyfriend, I am allowing myself to love and to feel loved. I know Jake would not want me stuck on him and only him for the rest of my life- I am so young. There is not one day that passes where I don’t need think of him. By being with another person it does not lessen or remove the love you had for your fiancé who has passed.
  13. What do I do??

    Thank you. Yes I had not heard from him for two days - I stupidly thought he was mad at me (which is not like him at all). I actually had a dream he was being ripped apart from laying with me by some entity, and I woke up in a panic. I checked my phone and saw he had texted me an hour prior and after that he never texted me again. I am 100% certain that I felt him leave this earth during my dream, especially with when the coroner deciphered was his time of death. I know how hard it can be waiting around to rule out certain things about the death, for in my case we did not know with certainty what drug he had overdosed on and it turned out he was sold pure fentanyl. He was just 22 years old, and it pains me that he will never live out his dreams -big or small, or have children. I don’t even make it about me and how sad I am that he isn’t here with me (although that is devastating enough) I just feel heartbroken his life was robbed. It is just so unfair. I loved him so.
  14. My sister, Donna

    Kay, you have been through so much I can’t even imagine. Your strength is inspiring. I hope you are doing as good as one can be in this situation.
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