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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About Djh0901kc

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Loss Type
    My wife
  • Angel Date
    June 17, 2017

Recent Profile Visitors

348 profile views
  1. Don't know what to say

    It definitely already feels hard to remember how it was before. I watch videos of Kayla over and over and it feels impossible this was real just a few months ago. I don’t know how to bear it. I feel like I can’t.
  2. I Just Can't Do This Without Him

    I just found this a minute ago. It’s as true as anything
  3. I Just Can't Do This Without Him

    It’s not melodramatic at all. My beautiful wife died five months ago and I still think I can’t do this on a daily basis. I cry every day. I text her all day to tell her I can’t do this without her. What you’re feeling is normal. We’re trapped her just like you said. There’s no escape
  4. Don't know what to say

    I’m so bored all the time now. I know that sounds trivial but I try to find things to do and nothing seems to take up enough of the day. Half days at work used to be these awesome things that meant we could be together sooner. Now they’re a nightmare that means Ill be stuck with nothing to do for even longer. I wish so much that we had had a baby all those times we talked about it and decided not to. At least I would have a part of her still to take care of.
  5. Want to share my experience.

    That was quite beautiful. Reading it actually moved me to tears. Not a rare occurrence these days I’ll admit, but it was beautiful just the same. So strange to think that so many of us will be experiencing our first Thanksgiving and Christmas without our loved ones. What a terrible thing to share. And I will confess that I AM afraid. Afraid BECAUSE this a journey without an end. I’m afraid I can’t do this. Not alone. Not without her. Not year after year. It’s been five months and I already feel I’ve gone as far as I can. I wish I shared the optimism you seem to have. I’ve always known that life didn’t care but my way of dealing with that knowledge was my wife. The one person that made living in an uncaring world worth it. Without her, I have no guiding star. Nothing to keep me moving forward and in the right direction. We didn’t have children or grandchildren. No family really to speak of. I constantly ask myself, “What’s the point?” I wish she could tell me what I should do. I’m just so lost without her.
  6. Want to share my experience.

    After 5 months I still do this. I text my wife all day. And ask the same questions. And while this forum is nice of course, it doesn’t lessen the hurt at all. Just wanted to say thank you for posting something in which I can see something of myself.
  7. Lost and Alone

    Who is Andy?
  8. Don't know what to say

    It’s been 5 months and I am still waiting. Waiting for her to come back? Waiting for something to make sense? I don’t know. All I know is that I feel it constantly. I know I still cry every day. I still text Kayla all day every day. I talk to her all the time. I pray every night to ask God to take care of her if he exists. Every day is nothing more than one more day off the calendar. The thought of Christmas without her is more than I can bare.
  9. Don't know what to say

    I’m so lonely without her.
  10. Don't know what to say

    I keep feeling like I’m waiting for something. I don’t know what it is but it’s constant.
  11. Don't know what to say

    I miss my Yogi so much. No one wants to hear that anymore but it’s as true now as it was the day after she died. I need her
  12. Don't know what to say

    I literally stopped in my tracks. It was nice to imagine her with me again in some way
  13. Don't know what to say

    I was just heading into Five Guys to grab some lunch. Right as I was walking in Poprocks and Coke by Green Day started playing. It was our very first “our song.” It’s a popular song but it’s almost 20 years old at this point. Certainly not something you would generally hear on the radio these days. We loved Five Guys and it really made me feel like Kayla was letting me know she was watching. Just thought I would share a nice moment
  14. Don't know what to say

    I know everyone is having a hard time. I’m getting better at hiding my sadness from people but I feel like inside I may actually be MORE depressed. I love seeing her so much. But like I said, it’s so hard to accept that she’s gone when I see her in the videos. Thanks for caring KMB. I hope you’re doing as well as possible.
  15. Don't know what to say

    Is it healthy to watch videos of my wife? On one hand seeing her and hearing her voice gives me an insane amount of joy. On the other hand, it also makes it harder for me to accept that the person I’m watching in the video is gone. I’m having a rough time today.