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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About Djh0901kc

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Loss Type
    My wife
  • Angel Date
    June 17, 2017

Recent Profile Visitors

310 profile views
  1. Don't know what to say

    I just found one of my wife’s long brown hairs on my pillow. This is impossible. Its been almost five months since she passed and as I’ve said in this post, all of our stuff was removed from the house by scandalous cleaners. This isn’t our bed or pillows or sheets. Even the pajamas I’m wearing have been washed at my sisters house. I haven’t seen a stray hair of hers in over three months. I even said something about missing it being all over here on the forum. It couldn’t have just randomly shown up. I know it’s just a hair but there’s no where it could have come from
  2. I Cannot Take It Anymore

    I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. You’ve come to a place where you can say what you need with no judgements. Keep posting. Stay strong.
  3. Don't know what to say

    The worst dreams are the ones that seem like they were alternate outcomes. Like the paramedics saved her or got her to the hospital in time. I’ve been having them over and over lately. They hurt the most. They’re what is dragging me down I think.
  4. Don't know what to say

    I can’t do this
  5. Don't know what to say

    I just want a hug so bad. I want to her hold me and tell me she loves me and that I’ll be ok
  6. Jedi Mind Trick

    I don’t mean any offense to anyone. I know pretty much everyone knows I don’t believe the earth school, pre-life plan stuff but I still have a legitimate question about it. Isn’t it kind of sad to think that when we die we have to keep doing it again and again? Wouldn’t it be better to just die and go to heaven and be with our loved ones forever and finally be at peace?
  7. Don't know what to say

    I did read the article by the way. I just feel like I’m beyond help at this point. All I want is to have her back and no one can give me that. That’s what I told the counselor too when I cancelled.
  8. Don't know what to say

    Why does it still not seem real that’s she’s gone? It’s been 18 weeks tomorrow and when I think about her I still think that it’s impossible that she’s gone. We’re Kayla and Dan. I can’t just be Dan. You can’t have one without the other so she can’t be gone. It’s like my brain just can’t accept such a nightmare can be real
  9. Don't know what to say

    I could block them and not see the comments myself but they would still be there to anyone else. I hate knowing that anyone who doesn’t know what’s going on will just see the things they’re saying and think the worst. And I have blocked several of her family members who we barely had any contact with. But I’ve been friends with her brother since high school. We were pretty close back then before he got into drugs. I know he hates me but some part of me still loves him as my friend and brother in law. Blocking him would hurt me almost as much as seeing the things he says. I know that’s dumb. I just can’t bring myself to do it
  10. Don't know what to say

    The thing is that no one is in control of it. One of her family members had it “memorialized” three months ago. That means that no one can ever log in again or change anything. Before that, I could have logged in because we both knew each other’s log in info for everything. One of the more frustrating things her family keeps saying is that I’m “controlling” her by blocking them from looking at her profile and deleting their posts. And her brother said that I should change her relationship status to single because she died to get away from me. None of them can wrap their minds around the fact that after THEY had the account memorialized I can’t change anything even if I wanted to. It’s incredibly frustrating because they’re blaming me for something I am literally unable to do and even if I tried to explain that to them they wouldn’t believe me. I even asked Facebook to contact them and explain what it means to memorialize an account but they will not do that.
  11. Social Isolation

    I go to work, where I am alone all day, come home and watch tv. Go to bed. Wake up. Repeat.
  12. Social Isolation

    Yeah this is pretty much my life minus the actual meeting up with a friend twice a week. Like I said somewhere else, I was replaced in a fantasy football league I had been in for a decade because the other guys didn’t know how to be around me. I joined a random league but it’s not the same. A small thing I know but it still sucks to not even have that distraction. I don’t hear from friends I’ve had since kindergarten. I have one buddy that lives in Colorado that texts a couple times a week but that’s it. My wife was my best friend and without her there’s pretty much no one. Everyone has disappeared.
  13. Don't know what to say

    By the way, I did report the things my wife’s family were saying on FB but they told me it doesn’t specifically violate the guidelines of the terms of service so. Anytime I want to look at my wife’s page I have to scroll through a number of posts saying the worst things imaginable. I just don’t get on anymore but it still bothers me knowing that it’s there.
  14. Don't know what to say

    I haven’t had another session. I’ve cancelled the two I had scheduled. I’ve been so down and can’t seem to climb out.
  15. Don't know what to say

    I still have a hard time believing that Kayla is gone. It’s been 18 weeks. The counselor I talked to said she thinks I’m stuck in complicated grief. Am I ever going to take a single step forward? It doesn’t feel like I have at all.