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      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About Djh0901kc

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Loss Type
    My wife
  • Angel Date
    June 17, 2017

Recent Profile Visitors

512 profile views
  1. Don't know what to say

    I went to the grocery store today and saw all the guys buying last minute flowers and chocolates. For a second it made me mad. You still have this person that loves you and this is the best you can do? But they don’t know any better. Like you, we loved Vday. It was never some cheesy thing to us. More like an excuse to go to a fancy dinner. Thinking of all of you today. I hope you make it through ok. I hope your George can hear you KayC
  2. Don't know what to say

    First Valentine’s Day alone in 16 years
  3. Don't know what to say

    I’ve been on antidepressants for over a month now. Not quite sure what to make of it. I’m definitely not happy. More like numb. It’s like there was a hole in the wall and instead of fixing it, someone put tape over the hole and painted the wall. It looks a little better but something is still wrong inside. I know it’s not ideal but when I started taking them I was thinking about killing myself every day. I don’t so often anymore. That’s something I guess. I don’t miss Kayla any less or think about her any less. I want her back every day.
  4. Don't know what to say

    I said so many of these same exact things. I still wonder what the point of going on is if we know that’s it’s never going to get any better. You can message me if you ever need to talk.
  5. Don't know what to say

    Unfortunately, you’ll find that if you feel this way it’s best to just keep it to yourself. People want to believe and they don’t want to hear anything to the contrary. Most people don’t even want to consider the possibility that there’s nothing else. And you can’t make yourself believe if you don’t no matter how badly you want it. It sucks plain and simple
  6. Don't know what to say

    I have been thinking about starting to take antidepressants. I know a lot of people say not to while grieving so I was just curious if anyone had any opinions.
  7. Grieving my future

    That would be my advice. Also, try to make sure and save that vmail somewhere besides your phone. Get it onto a flash drive or your cpu or something.
  8. Grieving my future

    Like seemingly many here, my in laws are pretty dysfunctional people. Since my wife died they have said many hurtful things including that my wife wanted to leave me and that she didn’t love me. This used to get me pretty upset. But eventually, I cut them out of my life and realized that I was the one with Kayla every day. I was the one who heard her say I love you. I was the one she held until I fell asleep every night. I read through texts and Facebook messages and time after time I was reminded how much she loved me and always make sure I knew it. It hurts to not have her here anymore to say it out loud but I know it was real. I’m lucky enough to have a video on my phone of her saying I love you. I play it constantly. Just remember how much you loved each other and don’t let it go. It was real for you too.
  9. Don't know what to say

    How do you go on, knowing that?
  10. Don't know what to say

    I thought if I got through the holidays somehow life would magically get easier. Now they’re gone but nothing is better at all. I wish I could be like some of you that seem so positive and can find happiness in small things. I feel like I’m falling deeper into this hole. More tired. More sad. More lonely.
  11. This hurts so much - my ex in-laws

    It sounds so much like my wife’s family. Unfortunately with them it’s pretty much everyone and not just her parents. I just cut off contact with them. No point. Hang in there
  12. Christmas is coming.......

    I still have Kayla’s ashes in the box. I keep them in the backseat of my car next to her purse. Sometimes when I get an oil change or something I feel like a psycho but I just want her to be with me wherever I go
  13. Don't know what to say

    I don’t want to let any part of her go. If there’s something only she and I knew and I forget it then it’s gone forever and so is another part of her. I think I might be losing my mind but I’m so afraid to forget anything.
  14. Don't know what to say

    We liked the hustle and bustle. I miss her so much. Lately I’ve been consumed with the fear that I’ll start forgetting things. Our little inside jokes or songs or just anything. I’ve been keeping a file open on my phone and writing down everything that comes into my mind. As someone who has been doing this for so long does that happen? Do you forget things?
  15. Don't know what to say

    I can’t believe it’s Christmas. The 17th was six months since Kayla died and it still doesn’t feel quite real. Despite my utter terror of what it would do to me, I’ve gone to shopping malls a couple times in the last week. I thought if I could throw myself into the deep end as it were maybe it would help. All the people, the music, the Christmas energy. I’ve never felt so much like an alien. All these people going about their lives and looking forward to something I’ll never enjoy again. I hope everyone has the best holiday possible.