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sadandlost

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About sadandlost

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    Advanced Member

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    Mother

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  1. Dear Gabriel8, I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief is very lonely and you’re right not sharing it with the closest people in our lives makes it harder and more internalized. I too am not close to family members so I understand. Grief is cold and harsh. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and words. I hope the film will be helpful. Write back and tell us.
  2. My dad passed away with alzheimers

    Dear Trisha, I too longed for my mom to go, so she wouldn't suffer anymore. She was such a dignified, proud woman who was so strong and independent. She had a hard life but remained so dignified. If she hadn't died in hospital due to an infection, she would have gone into a home, the thing she absolutely didn't want. She could have afforded private care but the family wouldn't allow it and they were in charge. It was a painful, painful time everything that led up to her death. Now she's gone everything feels meaningless and empty. It gets worse over time because after the shock, reality sets in months later. I say this to you because things may get harder for you. I too wish I had had more time with her when she was herself. I long to have a conversation with her, even just the banal stuff like whats on tv etc.. You have to try to remember all the good times with your dad and that you had a good and close relationship with him. Not everyone has that. Thank you for your kind words. Write whenever you want, I'll be reading your words. Wishing you easier times.
  3. Loss of my precious mother

    Dear Whit B, I'm sorry for your loss of your mom. I understand every word you said because I feel the same. Its 10 months for me. Its real and yet it doesn't feel real. It takes such a long time to process and the layers of emotions unfold constantly. Yes its overwhelming. Its a more painful day for you today the one year anniversary. I hope you can honour your mom in a beautiful way today and do whatever you need to do for yourself to be ok.
  4. Dear Carljo, I’m so sorry. I know how painful and hard it is. We all know. I know how hard it is when everything feels meaningless and you feel you can’t go on, the pain is overwhelming. Take it one day at a time, hour by hour. You can survive this. Grief is crippling but I do believe in time it will be less crippling. I’m not saying we’re all going to be happy again, loss changes everything. I do believe that eventually we can learn to rebuild ourselves though. I hope so. We are here and listening to you.
  5. My dad passed away with alzheimers

    Dear Trishafisher, I'm so sorry for your loss. I too know the pain of watching your parent suffer with dementia. My mother died 10 months ago. We were also extremely close and spoke every day. She also struggled for about 4 yrs, the last year being the most difficult. I grieved every day while she was alive for the loss. What people don't realise is you loose them gradually, slowly and painfully and the grieving begins while they're still alive. In a sense its like 2 losses because you grieve again when they die because they're gone forever then. There is no doing things differently, going back, changing anything. Its very painful. 10 months on I still cry every day when I look at her picture and us sitting next to each other. I understand what you're going through. What your dad said to you, he said when he was ill. He was not himself then, the illness had taken over. You must know that. I know its still painful but remember dementia is a cruel disease that robs a person of who they were. No one can understand this unless you witness your loved one changing as a person. I'm sorry for your pain. I too am alone without family apart from the ones I am estranged from so its the same thing. One feels completely lost.
  6. Lost my Dad during childhood

    Dear Panda7856, I'm sorry for your loss and how hard you are finding it now. I have not been through what you've been through but I think delayed grief is normal when you lose a parent as a child because you aren't able to process it. I've seen quite a few posts here over the months from young people like yourself who are struggling several years later. Look through some of the older posts in loss of a parent. Very sorry for your loss.
  7. My daddy passed away

    Dear Stephiphi, I'm so sorry for your loss. yes life is brutally unfair. I know how you feel as I live in another country from my mother and travelled after I got the call she died. All the things you said, I felt. Life is forever changed for me. 10 months later it is not easier. Going to her house and her not being there. Packing up her house, the funeral its all traumatic. So sorry for your loss.
  8. My dad killing himself

    Dear Taro, I am so sorry for your loss. Its really heartbreaking to read. We all have sad and heartbreaking stories, some worse than others. I feel for you and really hope you will find some strength to get some help. Support group or counselling, therapy to be able to have a support system. It is a lot to process and you need help. we are here and we are reading your words but I feel you need more help. Most of us here feel alone and overwhelmed by grief, its hard for all of us. So sorry for your pain.
  9. Missing my dad

    Dear Victoria, That's shocking you were not even told about your fathers death! I can't believe that. What kind of woman would not tell his daughter? I realise you had a complicated relationship with him but its still shocking. I'm sorry for you because there must be very complicated emotions now. I would pick up the ashes and decide later what to do when things properly sink in and you have time to process it. I'm sorry for your loss.
  10. a dark cloud that never leaves me

    Dear Janey & PatriciaEileen, So sorry for your losses. The early stages are so shocking and raw it can be like you want to climb out of your body and run away. I wish I could tell you things get better but as you will have read my post, sadly I haven't reached that place 10 months later where things are better. It changes from moment to moment. Depression, disbelief, sadness, feel lost and paralysed, unable to make decisions. Grief is overwhelming at times. I don't think its something that improves in the first year. Very sorry for both your losses. We are reading your words.
  11. No Tears

    Dear Kitt, I don't think you should be concerned about being ok or upset. Whatever you felt in that moment there are going to be many many more moments, months and years to be upset. It will hit you and come from no where. There will be plenty more tears to come. Sorry for your loss.
  12. Loss of my precious mother

    Dear dakotawb34 & TinaM, I'm so sorry for your losses. I'm much further down the line then both of you, almost 10 months now. I know how you both feel as I too was extremely close to my mom. She was my everything. I too spoke to her daily even though I didn't live in the same country. I know the emptiness and the hole you both feel. I wish I could say that it has improved over the months but it hasn't. Like Tina I also talk to my mom daily, I also light a candle for her next to her picture. I act like she can hear me. Its very hard. I don't have any advice because it is hard. It just is and will be for a long time. Losing a mother is like losing part of yourself and it takes time to rebuild yourself and your life. I remind myself that I come from my mom. You come from your moms. She is part of us and we carry them around in our blood and genes. Sorry for your pain and loss.
  13. Dear Sehiza, I'm so sorry for your loss and pain. I know how hard it is because I'm struggling too. I've come to realise that the pain of loss grows over time. After a few months after the shock that what we feared the most has actually happened, it takes a long time to absorb it. So its not a surprise that things got worse for you after some time had passed. it did for me too. I too have developed coping mechanisms with food and anything that takes me away for a little while. Endless tv series! Let me get lost in other stories other than my own. Give me distraction from the pain of constant thinking of my mom. You said you'd be betraying your mom by letting go so easily and fast. Firstly even if you wanted to forget her it would not be possible. You will always carry her with you. She made you. You are part of her. Moving forward doesn't necessarily have to mean letting go. You can takes steps in healing, doesn't mean you are letting go of her. Its life changing loosing a mother. It really is. I feel changed forever and unable to navigate the future. In time I hope I will be able to. I hope there will be another chapter that I'll begin. You can honour your mom every day by doing the best you can to be your best self. Try not to think things like "get a grip". It takes a long long time for us to be ready to take steps into the world without our moms. Its hard. Do the best you can. Sounds like you do a lot! I too have lost friends so I know what its like to be alone and feel lost at the worst time of your life. I think you are doing the best you can. Try to give yourself a break from the harsh inner voice. I know its hard. I know my harsh inner voice intimately. He is unfriendly and cruel at a time when we all need more tenderness and love. Wish you an easier time Sehiza.
  14. a dark cloud that never leaves me

    Dear Sehiza, Thanks for reading. I'm sorry for your loss. It helps I think reading other peoples words and makes us feel less alone in the brutality of loss.
  15. Dear A_Person, Iam so sorry for your loss. I read your whole post. Loss does get worse over time. At first it doesn't seem that real even though it is so the first few weeks and months you haven't completely absorbed the loss. You don't realise it at the time because you think you have. For me at 6 months I thought I turned a corner with grief. Then at 8 months things got a lot worse as the reality of never ever speaking to my mom again really sunk in. Reliving the past 2 yrs over and over in my head on a daily basis. Flash backs. My mothers illness. How she changed. People don't say the right things. People around you don't do the right things. its very hard. yes people expect you to move on quickly but what they don't realise its not the first month that is hard its the many many months that follow that get worse. Unless someone has been through it they have no idea. Also it depends on the relationship they had with their parent. I knew someone who was changed by her loss. I am too. I feel changed forever. Yet another friend her world improved in every way. Loss can be different for everyone. Some of us are devastated and depressed. Some suppress their pain for years. Others are ok. Those of us who are here on a regular basis are looking to understand grief more. To share and learn from each others experiences. Sorry for your loss.
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