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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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Confused23

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About Confused23

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Loss Type
    Grandfather who is like my father passed away.
  1. All over the place

    These days, I try to deal with grief by distracting myself such as working out, playing the guitar, hanging out with friends, walking at the beach, staring at the beauty of nature, cooking my favorite food, eating that chocolate bar, or focusing on myself and asking myself what makes me happy. I guess what I am trying to say is, it is okay to focus on fixing yourself first before you try to help other people. Please if you need anyone to talk to, don't be afraid to reach out to me or to the people that are surrounding you.
  2. All over the place

    Hey, I know what you are feeling. I loss my grandpa 12/16/16. It was a sudden loss and we all lived in the same house. My grandpa, grandma, mom, my aunt, and me. My grandpa was a father figure to me. My grandma doesn't have the will to live anymore and it hurts me when she says she doesnt want to live anymore and that she will never be happy. It's like we don't matter to her. But I understand what she's feeling. As im also BROKEN. I just finished my masters this may and now i'm struggling to find my passion and is now job hunting. But im also broken personally hecause of what happened. I DONT KNOW HOW TO HELP MY GRANDMA ANYMORE. i dont know how to save someone who cannot be saved? Most importantly, I don't know how I can save myself? I am writing to you today because I am the same age as you. i'm 22! So i want you to know that, as cliche as it sounds, you are not alone! Although sometimes it feels like it, you are not. Everyone is facing and battling his or her own demons and I want you to know that it is okay. That the only thing you could really do is to keep moving forward. To try, even though it's really hard, to see the beauty in life. Maybe through your friends, or nature, or strangers. Life sucks my friend, we both know that, but what we can only do is to keep moving forward.
  3. Hello, I am writing today because every time when I think that my grandmother had been better and will try to move forward after the loss of my grandfather, I always seem to be wrong. I loss my grandpa on December 16. Days before Christmas and before his birthday which was the 28th. It was a sudden loss as he was scheduled a bypass surgery but the doctors have ensured that it will be an easy and successful operation. We were supposed to have the surgery done on January but my grandpa wanted to move it before Christmas so that he will be at home to celebrate with us. My last day with him was just a normal day. I remember dropping him off at the hospital and my last conversation with him was about helping him talk to the nurse while he's laying on the hospital bed about the medications he had been taking. That was it. I didn't even get a chance to hug him because I had to go out and fetch my grandpa's brother to see him. I hated hospitals so I don't like staying there for long. And because we thought that it was a minor operation since he had survived worst operations. We weren't as worried. I never had a chance to say a proper goodbye and hugged him. Or even say I love you. I went to work that day and got home late at around 10 pm. My co worker and I were even talking about that surgery and I was telling my co worker it's a minor surgery and that he will be alright. But for some reason, there's still that unknown feeling I was feeling at that time. When I got home, my grandma received a call saying he got out of surgery but he isn't recovering well. We drove and rushed to the hospital and that was the worst night of my life. He died in the morning of 12/16. And i remember driving my family back home, and I was throwing up while I was driving because everything felt unreal. How a person's life could change within seconds or minutes or hours. Now months have passed, and I have been better. I learned how to hide that memory within me and to distract myself. However, my grandma couldn't. Even with the help of pills, which she refused to take every day, couldnt help her. This morning she said my grandpa was with her last night as she smelled his scent and she was telling him "that she loves him and that she will never be happy anymore." And that he should just take her with him. She doesnt have the will to live. Even if she has two daughters and a grandchild still here. It hurts when she says that because I feel like we don't matter to her. We don't even know how to help her. We are here for her. But we are also battling our own demons. I recently graduated from my Masters and I'm stressed about finding my passion and finding a job but at the same time I am personally broken. I am good at hiding it but I feel broken. So I don't know how I could help her if I don't know how and if I have to help myself too. How can i help someone who doesn't want to be helped? My grandpa, grandma, mom, my aunt, and I all lived in the same house. My dad left us for another family and my grandpa had been my father. My mom and I moved here in the US 9 years ago and that was the only time I had with my grandpa. Those 9 years. But he acted as a father figure to me. Now there are only 4 of us in the house. I don't know how to help my grandma. I don't know how to save someone who doesn't want to be saved?
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