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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

Judy S.

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Everything posted by Judy S.

  1. How do I carry on now my soulmate is gone

    Donna, I'm so terribly sorry you lost your husband. And it's not even a week for you, everything will still be so raw and shocking now. Even for me, after six months, I have moments that I feel shocked. Anyway, your husband will know you love him, no doubt about that.and your love lasts forever. And for your son, remembering how I was at 10 years, kids are strong but so vulnerable too, assure him that you and him will be okay together. Talk with him whenever you can and when you are able, maybe do a few little things together. And take care of yourself, it's so important right now. I really feel for your pain, and send love.
  2. 7th month

    I'm going into the 7th month myself, and I've hit kind of a wall myself, a bad one. I'm much more angry too, it's like I don't know where it's coming from, but it's there, and I"m not normally much of an angry person. I can hardly stand myself! I"m also more depressed, and I'm annoyed with myself because I feel I could have done a better job at "doing" Christmas, I have two sons in their early-mid twenties, and we did have a Christmas, but it was quiet and I guess okay, what the heck am I trying to say? it just wasn't up to snuff. Just wanted to let you know I kind of do know what you are talking about, I still have a great will to live though, I know I have a lot of things to process that will take a lot of time. But right now, everything stinks!
  3. Christmas is coming.......

    You too, and everyone else on here. I hope everyone will be okay, maybe a little better than okay. In any case, this too shall pass. And I know our loved ones are with us.
  4. Christmas is coming.......

    Kay, my husband was cremated as well, and since he passed, in June, his ashes are still in the bedroom, I have a warm blanket over the box, he always liked being warm. He certainly wouldn't like the weather we've having here today, snowy, cold and windy. Anyway, hard days, these days of Christmas. My sons and I will have a little Charlie Brown Christmas, and watch It's a Wonderful Life, my husband loved that movie, and I feel he will be here watching with us. It's been six months now, this is still so hard it's almost unbelievable. I know it will be okay, but like I said, it's so, so hard. I do wish everyone here days of Peace and love and a Merry Christmas.
  5. My sister, TooDevastated

    I am so terribly sorry. I read many of her comments and felt so bad for her. Please don't blame yourself. I just don't know what else to say, just love the memory of your sister and we sure are here for you too. Sending lots of love.
  6. Broken

    Oh my goodness I know how you feel. Even now, after about 4 months since losing my husband, sleep is awfully hard to come by. The first two, three weeks, a month or so after my husband died I'd get up after sleeping a couple of hours and sit at the table and shake. Fortunately, even though my sleep is awful, I am pretty much over the shakes. I still have nights when I hold the last shirt he wore while he was still at home. It just breaks my heart.
  7. My Heart is so Sad

    I'm so very sorry you lost your husband. I lost mine in June, and like you, I find often find it hard to post here. But I read the posts nearly every day. I have two sons and they are wonderful, but how I miss my dear husband. I've written here before that my husband at times could be a difficult man to love, yet I loved him so much and I feel I've lost my anchor in life. And today has for some reason been especially bad, and I think the grief kind of comes in waves. Anyway, you are not alone, so many wonderful people posting here with encouragement. And we're all in the same sad boat, so everyone understands.
  8. Struggling

    Patti, I can sympathize. Oh, boy how I can. It's been almost four months for me but I've been running on adrenaline almost all that time and it's catching up with me. I'm going back in to see my DR. on Friday, have to get my blood pressure checked and all that good stuff. I know for a fact that my husband would want me to take care of myself, and I have not been doing a very good job of it. Although, have to admit not quite sure what I should be doing. When you can't sleep and never really relax it really take a toll on the body, and the mind too. So, one way or another I have to get a handle on this. I really hope you can too, it's not been long for you, and my heart is broken for you. But please if you can, be easy on yourself whenever you are able to.
  9. Lost

    As Kay said about the photo you posted your fiancee looks wonderful and kind. And, what a lovely couple you were, and yes, still are. I can only say how terribly sorry I am. It's so soon for you and I really don't have any wise words except that once again, as Kay mentioned, coming here can be a great source of comfort. Even when you are still in shock. I know I came here right after my husband died and just read, it helped.
  10. How to get through the day...

    Ingrid, I'm just so terribly sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. My husband died in June right after a carotid artery surgery that his Dr's thought would be successful and he would be home in a day or two after. My husband and I were both confident that he would come home and be feeling better, instead I got a terrible phone call. So, in so many ways I understand how you feel. I realize a heart transplant is much different, but it's still the feeling of as you say - getting your hopes up. It's unbelievable and shocking to hear that they have passed. I still feel that way, and it will soon be coming up three months. It seems like yesterday and it's still very raw. Anyway, I know that the first while after my husband died I really had no idea what I was doing. Good grief! I still don't, my brain isn't quite on deck yet. Might take awhile I think.In fact it will mostly likely take a very long while. I came here to this forum just to read, because everyone here understands. My family, friends have been wonderful but like you say, they don't hang around forever. I"m also finding that if I really want to talk about my husband I often have to talk to myself And I do want to talk about him, a lot! I know what you mean about seeing your husband's things and going places like the grocery store. Now, when I go to the grocery store and I go down the aisle with toothpaste and aspirin, etc., I always see the antacids - my husband ( Allen ) had antacids on his permanent list of things for me to pick up. ( he wasn't able to get around well to shop on his own ) So, I feel like crying when I see the antacids! I'm not sure how we get through this, but somehow we just do. I have a lot of faith, and honestly I don't know how I would have survived without it. But I do know everyone has their own ways. I hope you will post here again, it's a good place to be.
  11. Don't know where to turn

    Go ahead and cry. It's a good thing to get it out. I lost my husband in June as well, and I don't think crying is a weakness at all. As it happens, an uncle of mine lost his wife in January of this year and he's been calling me since my husband died, he's a great comfort. He said he can hardly believe how much he's cried ( over the death of my aunt ). Everything in the house, well - just everything reminds him of her. And I totally understand. If I'm not mistaken, they were married close to 50 years when she died. So many years, so many blessings, but also, so much to mourn. I've not been very good at regular posting here, but I do know that this place is so good to come to because we all understand.
  12. Lost my husband in June

    I've been reading the forum here off and on since my husband passed away suddenly after surgery on June 21. I was so stunned at the time I scarcely knew what I was doing, but I did come online a couple of days after he died looking for something, anything to take my mind off what had happened, as though that were possible. I had plenty of people to talk to but that wasn't really what I needed just then. Especially in the evenings. To be honest I'm sure I still don't know what I'm doing, and probably won't for a good while. Even though it's now been over a month since my husband died, it's impossible to believe he's gone. But - when it hits me, the floor falls away on me, and it takes my breath away. As so many have said on here about their husbands and wives, he was my best friend. He still is, always will be! I feel blessed that I have my faith to hold me up, but it's still the hardest thing I can imagine to go through. I still wake up at 2:00 or 3:00 AM many mornings and just start to shake. I can almost hear my husband telling me to "smarten up" or I'm going to make myself sick. And, he would be right. I was wondering whether or not to post here, but there is another new person here a couple of days ago who posted that she felt her husband had been somewhat hard to love. Well, I guess in some ways you could say that about my husband too. He was an alcoholic and had his problems, but in the last few years he had mellowed quite a lot, and wasn't able to drink as much. He could be a "grumpy old man", and he admitted as much, the last few months we'd joke about it. Many years ago it really irritated me how cranky he would get once in awhile. It wasn't very funny then, although he never was abusive, it's never easy being with someone who has so many grumpy moments. Still, all in all, I miss my grumpy old man so much. Oh, I miss him. I think what happens over the years is you learn so much about your husband ( or wife ) and come to accept who they are. And that's what I did. And I loved him, warts and all. And he loved me the same way ( warts and all ! ) I'm sure I'll come up with more to say on here, I find it hard right now to say very much, it's really hard to keep from crying, which isn't a bad thing, I know. Anyway, good to meet you all, and I'll sign off for now.
  13. Kay, I know what you mean. I do have my two "twenty-something" sons at home right now, and they are going to be helping paint and do floors, but it won't be done quickly - my one son is going back to work ( a good thing of course ) and my other son will be moving to the city this later this fall. They will both be home on a regular basis to help with all of this stuff, but in general, I'll be on my own - unless something changes with their plans, I guess. So I'm thinking I might have to hire a friend of my husband's - who does do some carpentry and painting. But! I would only be able to afford to have him do the work as I get the $. None of this is easy, that's for sure. I'm quite sure I have to lower my expectations about when anything in the house gets done! My expectations were already kind of low, now they're way down there
  14. Lost my husband in June

    Thank you - and yes I'm seeing my Dr. next Thursday and will definitely be bringing up how I've been feeling. My doc has been away for a month and I'm really glad he's going to be back. He's a good guy, he knew my husband too, so that kind of helps. You are so right about not having our husbands or wives there to be the sounding board. Now there's just me. Well, my sons are here and the've been wonderful, but it's not the same, as we all know. And they're hurting too. But yes, I'm blessed to have my sons around.
  15. Well, add another ciggy soul sister! I had cut back to just a very few, after Al died all that changed, it's almost full speed ahead. It has to stop and asap, I know. I don't have a sweet tooth but lately I love all kinds of crummy gas station type food if you can believe it. e.g. what I call gas station chicken, etc. Good grief! I never used to touch the stuff. And the swearing - that too. Although I say it mostly to myself, it's still there. And at some points in the evenings I finally become so tired I can just feel my patience is down to a very, very thin line. I don't take it out on anyone though, I can just feel that I've hit the last straw for the day! At that point I start to pray, because I know I'm not doing myself any good at all.
  16. Lost my husband in June

    Hi, just kind of an update here. It's now been just over 2 months since my husband passed. I have to say, I don't think I'm doing all that well. And yes, I do know that's not unusual, it hasn't been that long. In the first month or so there were just so many things that had to be done with the paperwork, changing over things to just my name, all that stuff. I'm still working on some of it, but there isn't as much left to do now. Anyway, I managed to get in a bit of a panic about a lot of the paperwork, at any other time I would have been the one who would have handled that kind of thing with no problem at all. Not now! not with paperwork for my husband now that he's gone. Anyway, now there are many household repair and maintenance things that have to be done since Al and I had kind of put them on hold because he had a lot of neuro pain in his back and now of course, it all has to be done. It's all kind of overwhelming. Mind you, my sons are going to help and probably do most of the painting, flooring that needs to be done. Al and I were going to do it, or hire a friend of his, but as many of you know, hope springs eternal - Al kind of always thought he'd start to feel better and be able to do more. ** The neuro thing isn't why Al died, it was something he would have had to live with for the rest of his life, and it was pretty bad. Also, now I find that I've been hit with a back/sciatic flare which is really putting a hold on things. I kind of wonder if the last two months and all the stress has brought it on, I suppose I'll never know! Whoops, see I'm rambling a bit here. One thing I can say its, I don't post often here, but I stop by and read on a very regular basis. On the days when I honestly think I might be losing a few marbles because of the grief I can come here and see I'm probably not the only one feeling that way. It's a great comfort.
  17. Third month

    Time is not the same since our loved one is gone, I know that. On the 21st of August, it was two months since Al died. In many ways it seems like just a few days. I just don't know. I too feel worse in many ways. Like almost all of us here, I'm sure, I've had to spend a lot of time dealing with paperwork, household/vehicle problems, whatevers and I often feel I haven't had enough time to just grieve. But it sure comes back and hits me, and when it does, it hits so hard. Today I turned the TV to check on the hurricane and I realized the TV hadn't been on since Allen died, so it was on the baseball/sports station from when he had last watched. Of course I cried about that too! but still I thought about how much he enjoyed baseball and in that sad kind of way it made me smile a little to myself. I'm thinking of you and praying you can find a little peace. And I'm sure you will. I hope your friends come to realize how much they mean to you, and how important it is for you to talk about Mario. I know how that goes, a lot of people I know also don't seem to realize that 2-3 months is NOT long at all after someone passes away. For most people it takes a very long time to really get back to some kind of life, I can see that all too clearly now. I'm betting Mario would like to see you smile when you think of him, yes? I say that even though I know how you must be feeling - not many smiles from me these days either. Sending prayers your way, and a little smile too.
  18. Continuing Bonds - Maybe comforting for some

    Just wanted to add, that I think what you wrote is wonderful. It's a keeper. Very comforting.
  19. Lost my husband in June

    Once again, I thank you all for your lovely responses. Just had to pop in and say that it's only been 6 weeks since my husband passed away and already I'm hearing from a few people - you seem to be doing well. Or - you aren't doing so well, so how do they think I should be doing? I'm not doing very well at all, I'm managing, that's about how I'd put it. Managing because that's basically the only option, also I know my husband would like me to manage, somehow, someway. Doesn't mean I'm doing a good job at it! - if God wasn't helping me along, I wouldn't be managing at all. I didn't say in my first post, but my husband died after having carotid artery surgery, he made it out of that okay, but then had a stroke and then an aneurysm, and he was brain dead, how I hate to say those words. Anyway I had to decide whether or not to take him off life support, which is what happened, he only survived a very short time after life support was removed. I was about two hours away from the hospital and when the surgeon called with the news, I pretty much lost it, there was no way I could have drove the two hours to the hospital. A big, big part of me wishes I had been there and I have the usual guilt that I wasn't there. ( and huge pain ) The other part of me knows that my husband never, ever wanted to be laying there kept barely alive by machines. We had talked about that over the years. He was adamant over never simply being kept alive for the sake of being called alive. And of course, he was brain dead. ( again, I hate, hate to say those words ) In any case this all happened very rapidly and it what happened was not expected at all - breaks my heart all over again to think of the food I had bought for him for when he was going to be home, a few days after the surgery. Soft foods, and stuff because he would have a sore throat. We were both so hopeful about the surgery. And he wasn't scared of it. If anything he was almost looking forward to having it done. So, for those reasons, I didn't stay up in the city with him close to the hospital, we had decided I would drive back home with our sons and wait to go pick him up in a couple of days after the surgery. I"m still so stunned I cannot hardly believe it. My husband also had other health issues, not related to the surgery he had done. He has neuro problems in his back and had been in a lot of pain for several years. I was just looking tonight at his notes that he always wrote to himself about how many pain meds he took, - so he wouldn't take more than what he was allowed for the day. But, he had been hopeful after the surgery he might get a little stronger and might be able to cut down on the pain meds. It's all just so heartbreaking. I talk to my husband every day, and yes, he knows that, of that I'm sure. Anyway, I'm a bag of tears right now, I'll write again soon.
  20. Lost my husband in June

    Hi all, Francine, I thank you for your reply. Yes, it does take some work to keep a relationship together - my husband and I did manage, and I'm so glad we did. Even though his drinking, he was the most honest, and I would have to say the most innocent person I ever knew. Innocent in that he never meant harm. Not that it wasn't difficult, but I know he never meant harm to myself or our kids. And by harm, I mean the cranky business when he drank. I'm not making him into a saint, I wasn't one either! But he was a good man, all in all and I loved him so much, and I know I'll miss him forever. (And as you say,) faith in God is keeping me going. KMB, thank you! Yes, I'm in a fog. Some days are not quite as bad, but it seems at least every other day I feel like crashing. The one thing I'm able to do again is eat, I was really bad at not eating for a couple of weeks. Now if I can somehow get a little more sleep. And it is SO hard to believe he won't be walking though the door. The dogs will start barking and I hear a vehicle, and my first though is, " Allen must be home". But no. I know he's here with me, but he doesn't have to drive to be home anymore. Azipod, you were a grumpy young man for your wife? Makes me smile, in a way. I can still see my husband and myself sitting here at the table, each of us with our laptops discussing the news. He never, ever read the same news sites that I did. And we disagreed on so many things in the news, but we still enjoyed talking about our disagreements in politics, etc. The last few months he wasn't feeling all that well, so we mostly did quiet things, and doing the laptop news together was one of them. I can still see him sitting here, how I miss those times. Grumpy or not, I loved him to bits. Kay, I've been appreciating your posts on here since I found this site. And yes, none of us are perfect, my husband, and certainly not me. But it's true, he was ripped away and my heart is breaking. I am so glad this is a comforting place to come. Eagle, thank you. I am so sorry for your loss. Sudden death is just a horror for the survivors, I always knew that, but now, being a survivor myself, I can understand what it takes out of a person. Here I was expecting Allen to be home in a couple of days after his surgery, and instead, he's gone. Extremely hard to believe. As I mentioned in my first post I have so much more I feel I could say, and I will! my mind comes up with all kinds of things to write but when I start posting, I don't know what happens, I seem to clam up. Not like me at all. But then again, I'm not myself in general right now, so I guess that's how it is for right now. ** I should have written individual posts to all of you - I really wanted to thank you all for your good thoughts, they mean a lot, they really do. This forum is a good place for me right now.