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Phillip1985

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About Phillip1985

  • Rank
    Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Loss Type
    Lost Mother
  • Angel Date
    June 14th, 2017
  1. Dear Reader, Keeping you in my prayers. My mom died 7 weeks ago. Amazing how my brain automatically keeps track of these milestones. A day hasn't gone by without me wishing that she is still alive. But I'm also now able to think about my mom without crying. We shared so many wonderful memories. I'm now able to recall those memories without shedding tears. There are still times, when my eyes well up and I just let the tears flow. I don't ever expect these moments to completely go away. But I do expect the smiles to outnumber the tears in the coming months. Thinking about everyone as well.
  2. Nervous to visit my mother's grave?

    Dear Sweetheart246, Reader is right, there is no wrong or right way to visit your mom's grave site. I visit my mom's grave site at least twice a week. Just like your mom's site, my mom's marker hasn't arrived yet. So we planted some flowers in her grave site. I water those flowers every time I visit. We also installed a couple of those solar powered crosses. I actually visited her site after dark once, just to see those crosses lit up. They look absolutely wonderful after dark. Also bought a Jacob's hook, planted it into the ground and hung a flower pot on the hook. We also put in one of those plastic bird whose wings rotate as a gust of wind hits them. I talk to my mom every time I visit. I use the same tone of voice I used when she was still alive. I tell her about my day. Occasionally mid-sentence the wind will hit the bird wings and they'll rotate fast and make a humming sound. I take that as a sign that my mom is agreeing with what I'm telling her. So I'll say, "you think so too huh mom". Sometimes I'll say something and those wings won't move a millimeter. So I'll say, "why not mom?" And always before I leave, I say, "see you later mom, enjoy the rest of your day." And I won't leave until I see those wings move. One time I had to wait more than 10 minutes before the wings moved. Prior to that, I said, "C'mon mom I gotta go, please say goodnight. I promise I'll be back Sunday". That happened on a Thursday. I haven't done it yet, but I promised my mom to bring her, her favorite soup. Grounds keeper told me that they mow the grass every week. I told them that if they see a tiny bowl of soup on my mom's site, just toss it away. I told them I'll remember their kind gesture by sending them occasional gifts. I plan to send the ground keepers a gift card every three months or so. Some people may think that I've gone nuts, but I know I'm perfectly sane. Just my way of creating more memories with my mom. Thank you for reading.
  3. My father has died

    @Olgaflor I know what you mean. The idea that I'll never talk to my mom in this lifetime is the hardest thing for me to overcome. When my mom was still alive, three days was the longest period when I didn't hear her voice. I saw her at least once a week unless I'm out of town. I live about 10 miles away from my parents' house. I too will attend a support group next month. I'll include you in my prayers.
  4. Dealing with mother's loss

    My deepest condolences to both of you. I lost my mom four weeks ago. I'm not sure if this is only true of me, but my brain hasn't fully accepted the fact that my mom has died. In that small time slot between being fully asleep and fully awake, my brain thinks that my mom is still alive. This happens for a couple of seconds then I'm fully asleep. This may sound odd, but I look forward every night for those two precious seconds. May sound like ramblings, but it does happen to me. May our pains be covered by wonderful memories in due time.
  5. New world without mom

    I'm sorry for your loss. Like you, I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that my mom is gone. It pains me just to write that sentence. I can't offer much that will lessen your grief other than you're not alone. I've read most of the posts here and it does give me a sense of community. Knowing that what I'm going through is normal. Night time is hardest for me, when I'm alone with my thoughts. Do take care of yourself.
  6. mother died recently

    I know I'll always miss my mom. I believe that I'll see her someday in heaven. Until that time, I'll have to turn my grief into something productive.
  7. mother died recently

    It is comforting to know that other people experience the same peace I feel when I talk out load to my mom and visit her grave. I use the same tone in my voice as if she is still alive. The way I relate my day to her and tell her I love her. Thanks for posting.
  8. Visited my mom's grave today. I cried on my way there, but was at peace once I reached her grave. Told her how my day went. This may only be true of me, but talking out loud to my mom gave me comfort. I'll visit again tomorrow to put a flag on her grave site. And yes, tell her again how my day is going so far. May all of those grieving find peace in due time.
  9. mother died recently

    Visited my mom's grave today. I cried on my way there, but was at peace once I reached her grave. Told her how my day went. This may only be true of me, but talking out loud to my mom gave me comfort. I'll visit again tomorrow to put a flag on her grave site. And yes, tell her again how my day is going so far.
  10. Something that helps me

    Thank you.
  11. Sorry for you loss. I can relate, my mom passed away two weeks ago. I'm still in shock. Nights are difficult. I wake up in the middle of the night not knowing what to do. I don't think my brain has fully comprehend the fact that my mom is gone. I'm lost. I know I'll always miss my mom, I just hope that someday, I can look back and enjoy all the wonderful memories we shared. I Love You Mom!!!
  12. I don't know if I can do this

    Thank you for the all encouraging words and prayers.
  13. I don't know if I can do this

    I'm sorry for your loss. I don't have much to offer other than I know what you are going through. I lost my mom two weeks ago. Writing that sentence even hurts. Nights are tough. I wake up in the middle of the night not knowing what to do, other than not go back to sleep.
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