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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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Little Sis

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About Little Sis

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Loss Type
    Sister
  1. Lost My Big Sis and Best Friend

    Thank you so much for your kind words and your suggestions. It is good for me to recognize that this is a process and there is help out there in addition to my normal support network. Did you read any books that you would recommend?
  2. Just lost my sister

    I am so sorry for your loss. My sister died in similar circumstances in March. I find myself still struggling to reconcile the stranger I saw in intensive care with my beautiful, funny, vibrant sister. It is jarring to incorporate this new reality into our expectations that we have always held for our futures. She was my best friend and we talked often of what it would be like to be old ladies together. I still struggle with the understanding that now all of those things will never happen. All I can say to you is be kind to yourself. Do whatever you need to do and don't apologize for it. Some days may feel like you are just surviving but I try to be hopeful that while things will always be different, I may some day feel some sense of normalcy again. I hope for the same for you.
  3. In March I lost my 44 year old sister to a drug overdose. She had a long hard life. In the end she got cancer and the meds they gave her to help her pain are the thing that killed her. She became addicted to them. My last exchange with her was via text and I said a lot of tough love things to try to get her into rehab. The night she overdosed she was staying with our uncle because his house was closer to the rehab where she had an appointment THE NEXT MORNING. He broke down the door to the bathroom and found her overdosed. They were able to revive her and take her to the hospital where they tried to shock her with hypothermia to "reboot" her body. It didn't work. She was substantially brain damaged. I currently live in another state and flew in as quickly as I could get there. I sat at the hospital and watched them flash lights into her sightless beautiful blue eyes trying to find a reaction. Ultimately we made the decision to take her off of life support but even then she lingered. She was so young and her heart was strong so she continued to breathe on her own. Hospice started talking to us about her living for a long time in a nursing facility in a vegetative state...my vibrant beautiful sister. My Dad and I were the only ones with her when she took her last breath. For awhile I felt numb from the shock and completely disconnected from my life. I went into planning mode and took care of everything and everyone else: she left behind three daughters. My husband was amazing and my two kids kept me going. But after a month my husband started telling me I needed to "get back to my life". I tried. And some days I have been able to keep myself busy enough that I think of her less and I'm exhausted enough that I sleep. Then I started to be angry at everyone and everything. I know this is a normal part of the process but I can't seem to get past it. When I am not angry, I can't sleep and I am crying my eyes out in secret while my husband snores away. I have all these questions that I know will never be answered and so many regrets about how tough I was on her at the end. I feel like I can't function anymore and every area of my life is being affected. I walk around most days feeling like there is a hole in my chest and I can't breathe. None of my friends know what to say to me. They have tried really hard to support me too but I feel like everyone is expecting me to "move on" and I just can't seem to do it. Does anyone have any advice about getting past some of this?
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