Izegrim

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About Izegrim

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    Netherlands
  • Loss Type
    My cat
  • Angel Date
    24th May 2017
  1. Just a song about losing someone ....
  2. Dear Munchkin's mommy, I'm sorry for your loss. From what I read it seems that we're in the same position: both grieving about our loss. But I also recognise the function your little munchkin had for you: an outlet to get rid of all the negative things that happen during the day. Munchkin was indeed your therapy ... and if I'm right you're not 'just' mourning about the loss of your pet, but also about what she meant to you: your little furry 'therapist'. My mum was against getting a new pet, but you don't have that barrier. My advice: get a new 'therapist'. Maybe not right away ... give yourself some room to mourn about the loss. But knowing that there can be someone to help you in the same way (not exactly, but still ...), can be a comforting thought. And don't feel guilty towards Munchkin: you're not betraying her ... your heart is big enough to let an other one in! Cheers, Izzy
  3. Thank you very much for persevering to send me a message to comfort me ... I just found an 'intimate' pic of me and my cat I want to share.
  4. What I liked about his physic is the symmetry ... I don't know if I could stand a pet that didn't have that. Asperger anyone?
  5. Hello Nickyv, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. And I'm even more sorry to read that you feel so guilty about what happened. I think you did it with the best intention, but nature can be cruel. I can imagine what shock it must've been for you and how guilty you feel now. But let me be brutally frank: stop punishing yourself! You did nothing wrong. The other dog got triggered and attacked ... it happens. I have the scars on my face from when I got bitten by a dog when I was about 4 years old: I wanted to pick up a toy and the dog attacked ... I still feel sorry about the fact that the owners put the dog down. Of course I was just a toddler, but I did unknowingly cross some boundary and the animal did what was in its nature. I know it hurts like hell to loose a pet this way. Especially if you did give them a bone before and everything went just fine. But you're not Cesar f-ing Millan! So stop to try and kill yourself: IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT! It was an unfortunate circumstance. Just because you gave the dogs a bone, doesn't make you guilty! I can give you several reasons why the dog attacked, but that doesn't diminish the pain you're suffering now. But please stop hurting yourself ... I can only imagine the sheer panic and how emotional, even traumatizing, it must've been. But I hope you can get through it all ... and like I said here on this forum before: if you can blame yourself, you also have the power to forgive yourself! A big virtual hug from me: (((((Nickyv))))) Just a pic of me with the scars on my upper lip ... I'm not kidding. It seems I wasn't happy that day (Easter) and I can only hope you can dry your eyes too ... some day
  6. Just another two pics ... it's ten weeks today. The project is still going, but I don't seem to get anywhere myself ...
  7. I feel so dead inside ... only if I drink I can bare to listening to music. But music has always been my saviour during my life. Now every sound seems to bother me ... Even when I listen to some online radio station, where I made some friends, I break down when tuning in ... I went to a friend two weeks ago (an Asperger too) and he showed me how lonely I am ... In his mind he's very rational. And I understand him very well. I'm not denying that he's right. But what bothers me is that he fillets the emotional side out of things. He analyses the things almost like I do, but he leaves the emotional part completely out of it. Sometimes I admire that part, but on the other hand: I feel the pain and it makes me feel alive! But somehow I can't deal with it ... that's the empty gap between Autism and sensitivity for me. I miss you so much ... my little friend
  8. Just posting a pic ... My little friend in his grave ... resting as if nothing happened. I still miss you ....
  9. Dear PeggysMom 11, I read your message on Friday, but I wasn't able to answer. I didn't know what to say and I didn't want to confront myself again with the hurt I felt weeks ago when I went through the same ordeal. But I feel like I should've said something to comfort you and let you know that you're not alone in all this. But what would the alternative be? I know you want to hold on, but that would also mean that your little darling would be suffering. Don't feel guilty about letting her go, you're only human. You did what you could and the limit has been reached. This is the point where her pain stops and your pain starts. But I know you can get over it ... that's why this forum exists. Share your grief and read about others how they deal with their loss: in this you're not alone!
  10. I've calmed down a bit ... and feel a bit embarassed by my previous posts. But I won't ask to delete them ... it's all part of my mourning. Sorry if I offended anybody .... I just want to express my anger. Not to offend, but to show how it can be part of the process we all go through here. Don't get me wrong: this isn't a show! Every word is sincere ... the bad ones and the good ones! I'm only ventilating my anger and frustration in the process. It may be offensive to some, but I want to share this as well. Lashing out to people near you is part of it ... and I write it down here. Not my finest moment, but I'm not going to hide it ... neither going to make a habit of it. Positive: I saw my mum strolling to the neighbour's house to ask them. They weren't at home, but it gives me hope in my relation towards her. She also gave me some old pictures she found, so I can go on with my hobby ... genealogy.
  11. I'm so upset and pissed off ... chickens disturbed the grave again. I told my mom this week to talk to the neighbours to let them deal with this .... but nooooooooooo, the lazy cunt doesn't move her ass to get anything done!!!! I told her to her face that I will commit suicide when she's gone. What my friend told me (and he was right): when she dies, I won't inherit anything! I can't even refuse it ... the government will take it anyway. But they still expect me to take care of her ... and even demand of me to volunteer because I'm on the dole! WTF is wrong with this world?????
  12. Despite being 'on the right track' it seems like I keep losing my compass ... what is right and wrong? I know I have my rituals to try and cope with my loss. But somehow I feel like I'm losing ... I was visiting a friend (an Asperger also) and when I broke down while telling about my cat, he held my hand and his wife put her hands on my shoulders ... that's about the most spontaneous reaction I got. But the lack of empathy of my mother is killing me .... My friend also told me something that keeps bothering me: maybe will talk about that some other time ....
  13. I'm sorry about your loss ... These three sentence are the core of your grief I think. You did everything you could and that means you reached a limit. We're only human and can only do so much to help our pets. That doesn't mean you failed ... People told me to go back to my hobbies too. And I know how you feel ... my heart just wasn't in it. But it does keep you from getting overwhelmed by all the sadness. Of course you break down and cry, but then you soldier on ... it's all part of the process. I see that you have made a grave and visit that. I started to put some marble stones on the grave of my cat. Every day when I wake up, I go to the grave and put one stone on it and take a picture of it. Maybe make an animated GIF of it someday ... who knows. But it's a little ritual to let go of my sadness ... one stone per day. Maybe you can do something similar ... Day one, day seven and today: If you look closely you can see how the little tree is growing (look at the light green on the branches) ... a circle of life: old life giving new life a chance ...
  14. I'm going to ignore it ... it is not my problem that they send the bill to the wrong person and I'm not going to make it mine ...
  15. I'M FURIOUS!!!! Just got a bill from some Belgian lab: they want me to pay for their research, but I already paid the vet. They never told me I had to pay the costs for that lab separately and I thought it was included in the price. If they told me, I would've never agreed. And I wasn't even the official owner of the cat ... This is so painful and infuriating!