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About Izegrim

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Location
  • Loss Type
    My cat
  • Angel Date
    24th May 2017
  1. Lost my beloved cat to tumor

    Because reality caught up ... she's not there anymore ...... That is the harsh reality ... and that hurts. I lost my cat to a tumor too .... You've been a great 'parent/owner' to Ainy, but now it's time to let go. Mourn as much as you have to ... time is your friend
  2. My little furry hero is gone ...

    I'm a few weeks further and on average it does help: the daily ritual did confront me with my loss, but now I let go of it ... it seems to become less 'urgent'. Daily life takes over .... But now that I've come to encounter some deeply disturbing things going on in my life (not related, but still having a real impact), I've come to a new thought: would taking a stone away each day be an option? I'm asking myself if the initial thought was about burying things ... my feelings ... slowly covering them up ... Now I'm thinking about removing them: one stone a day ... not ultimately removing the tree, but giving it more space to really bloom and exposing the thing I fear in this case (the grief or even my own vulnerability)? Challenging myself to let go and give space to the seed that caught fertile ground, even if it is 'feasting' on the remains of something that is so dear to me?
  3. My little furry hero is gone ...

    That's a good analysis ... Maybe we call it 'moving on' or 'continueing' ... but it's a next stage. And in a linear time frame it's 'moving on'. Not leaving things behind, but extending into a different stage. A stage in which we can REALLY take some emotional distance from our grief. I don't think it's less emotional, but more like a helicopter view of our feelings: there may be more things that touch us, but the intensity of that particular place of which we let go is still the same. We just get more aware of other things ... and maybe joy can be the most painful of all those senses .... but we have to live our lives!
  4. My little furry hero is gone ...

    145 days .... still crying my eyes out .... but there seems to be some change, but I can't put my finger on it. I do know that have trouble coping with the grief itself ... afraid to let go. Feeling like I'm betraying my little mate if I let go ... is this the guilt kicking in? I don't know ... *sigh*
  5. My little furry hero is gone ...

    Drunk or sober, I'm still crying my eyes out. It's like I'm walking backwards in all of this. As if the little things that I missed in the beginning and forgot, all come back to haunt me ... 4 months on and not one step of progression ... still trying to let go of my grief, one stone a day, but not succeeding ... I miss him soo much *crying*
  6. My little furry hero is gone ...

    Project Rock is still running ...
  7. My little furry hero is gone ...

    Just a song about losing someone ....
  8. My Cat Munchkin

    Dear Munchkin's mommy, I'm sorry for your loss. From what I read it seems that we're in the same position: both grieving about our loss. But I also recognise the function your little munchkin had for you: an outlet to get rid of all the negative things that happen during the day. Munchkin was indeed your therapy ... and if I'm right you're not 'just' mourning about the loss of your pet, but also about what she meant to you: your little furry 'therapist'. My mum was against getting a new pet, but you don't have that barrier. My advice: get a new 'therapist'. Maybe not right away ... give yourself some room to mourn about the loss. But knowing that there can be someone to help you in the same way (not exactly, but still ...), can be a comforting thought. And don't feel guilty towards Munchkin: you're not betraying her ... your heart is big enough to let an other one in! Cheers, Izzy
  9. My little furry hero is gone ...

    Thank you very much for persevering to send me a message to comfort me ... I just found an 'intimate' pic of me and my cat I want to share.
  10. My little furry hero is gone ...

    What I liked about his physic is the symmetry ... I don't know if I could stand a pet that didn't have that. Asperger anyone?
  11. My whole world is gone

    Hello Nickyv, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. And I'm even more sorry to read that you feel so guilty about what happened. I think you did it with the best intention, but nature can be cruel. I can imagine what shock it must've been for you and how guilty you feel now. But let me be brutally frank: stop punishing yourself! You did nothing wrong. The other dog got triggered and attacked ... it happens. I have the scars on my face from when I got bitten by a dog when I was about 4 years old: I wanted to pick up a toy and the dog attacked ... I still feel sorry about the fact that the owners put the dog down. Of course I was just a toddler, but I did unknowingly cross some boundary and the animal did what was in its nature. I know it hurts like hell to loose a pet this way. Especially if you did give them a bone before and everything went just fine. But you're not Cesar f-ing Millan! So stop to try and kill yourself: IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT! It was an unfortunate circumstance. Just because you gave the dogs a bone, doesn't make you guilty! I can give you several reasons why the dog attacked, but that doesn't diminish the pain you're suffering now. But please stop hurting yourself ... I can only imagine the sheer panic and how emotional, even traumatizing, it must've been. But I hope you can get through it all ... and like I said here on this forum before: if you can blame yourself, you also have the power to forgive yourself! A big virtual hug from me: (((((Nickyv))))) Just a pic of me with the scars on my upper lip ... I'm not kidding. It seems I wasn't happy that day (Easter) and I can only hope you can dry your eyes too ... some day
  12. My little furry hero is gone ...

    Just another two pics ... it's ten weeks today. The project is still going, but I don't seem to get anywhere myself ...
  13. My little furry hero is gone ...

    I feel so dead inside ... only if I drink I can bare to listening to music. But music has always been my saviour during my life. Now every sound seems to bother me ... Even when I listen to some online radio station, where I made some friends, I break down when tuning in ... I went to a friend two weeks ago (an Asperger too) and he showed me how lonely I am ... In his mind he's very rational. And I understand him very well. I'm not denying that he's right. But what bothers me is that he fillets the emotional side out of things. He analyses the things almost like I do, but he leaves the emotional part completely out of it. Sometimes I admire that part, but on the other hand: I feel the pain and it makes me feel alive! But somehow I can't deal with it ... that's the empty gap between Autism and sensitivity for me. I miss you so much ... my little friend
  14. My little furry hero is gone ...

    Just posting a pic ... My little friend in his grave ... resting as if nothing happened. I still miss you ....
  15. Tomorrow is the day.. Losing my Sweet Girl

    Dear PeggysMom 11, I read your message on Friday, but I wasn't able to answer. I didn't know what to say and I didn't want to confront myself again with the hurt I felt weeks ago when I went through the same ordeal. But I feel like I should've said something to comfort you and let you know that you're not alone in all this. But what would the alternative be? I know you want to hold on, but that would also mean that your little darling would be suffering. Don't feel guilty about letting her go, you're only human. You did what you could and the limit has been reached. This is the point where her pain stops and your pain starts. But I know you can get over it ... that's why this forum exists. Share your grief and read about others how they deal with their loss: in this you're not alone!