Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

southafrica89

Members
  • Content count

    9
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About southafrica89

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    South Africa
  1. I am struggling to be strong even though I KNOW this is not about me and my feelings. I am utterly heart broken. I know he has lost his father, but I honestly do not want to lose him. I am trying to be string for him and here if and when he needs me. I will never leave him as long as he gives me some kind of reassurance that he wants me around. The last thing I want to do is overwhelm him while his world is broken. My question is this: if he wanted to rather be single, and not include me in this, would he still text me and say things like ''i hope you are okay, I am doing this today etc'' or ''I hope you are warm. I am feeling cold inside. getting into bed etc'' would he say these things if he didn't still see me as apart of his life? I am asking because I am getting mixed signals which I would NEVER confront him about. That is the reason I am here. I do not want to put any emotional weight on him right now. I will send him a message and say something like ''morning my love, you're on my heart'' and he will maybe respond something like ''hey I slept okay I hope you slept good'' like he won't call me lovey names, which is fine, but he doesn't ask me to stop. Do you think he would ask me to stop if it bothered him? I am just feeling lost. I cry most of the day. Of course I would never tell him that. I know he is broken, but I feel like I am starting to fall apart. I love this man and don't want to lose him through this hard time. PS I do not initiate conversation with him. I allow him to make that move because I want it to be on his terms rather than him feeling pressured to respond to me. Is that a good sign that he is still making that tiny step no matter how emotionally ''off'' he seems?
  2. What do I do in this situation

    Thank you, Francine.
  3. Relationship Vs Grief

    Thank you, The Girl. I am so very sorry for your loss. Your message has honestly been helpful, because most of what you have said, my boyfriend has expressed. Especially when he said he feels nothing for anyone except his father and all he can think of is memories and death. We had a conversation on the phone where he broke down in tears and said that he is sick of people saying they know how he feels because no one does and he is alone and has lost himself. I told him I don't know how he feels and I couldn't imagine the pain and how broken he is, and that I didn't expect him to be all about me right now, that I didn't expect anything ''relationshippy'', I just asked that he mustn't push me away. I asked him if he wanted me to leave him alone and not contact him I would do that (if thinking of a girlfriend on top of everything is too overwhelming for him) he kept saying it's unfair to me because he feels nothing. I told him he didn't need to feel anything right now. I do not want him to feel emotionally burdened by me. But, as selfish as it sounds, I am very scared of losing him, so this is hard for me too. Like I said, I have never been through this experience so I cannot even begin to grasp the deep ache of losing a parent. I guess all I can do is be patient and let him know I am here for him. I don't know if I should invite him in a couple weeks to take his dog for a walk on the beach? I don't want to be insensitive and have him think I am disregarding his emotions and trying to just do activities, but I also am afraid of him being in his house 24 7 alone with his emotions. He has had mild depression since I have known him and never really socialises much. (He lived in another city before his dad passed and I don't think he is going back to his old job)
  4. What do I do in this situation

    Thank you so much. I will read these articles. And yes, I wasn't really sure where to post as I have been feeling quite desperate for advice. I am trying my best to avoid any lovey dovey type talking because he is not talking that way to me. I still use the normal pet names we always used like baby and love etc, he has not asked me to stop and I feel like if it annoyed him he would ask me not to call him those names?
  5. What do I do in this situation

    Thank you. Yes I am avoiding the cliche's because I know it would upset him more. I have been keeping my distance and letting him decide the terms on which we communicate as to not overwhelm him. He has messaged me quite a few times today. Nothing in particular, but letting me know what he was doing. Which was huge in my opinion and I felt relived to even slightly be included in what was going on. He has said numerous times that he feels utterly lost and doesn't know where to go from here so I am trying hard to be patient. I know this loss is something he will carry for a lifetime, but my heart is breaking seeing him like this. I think he has quit his job as well (he lived in another city up until his dads passing)
  6. Relationship Vs Grief

    Thank you, Reader. I do not want to be selfish in this time, but it does hurt. Logically, I know this is the hardest thing he has ever had to face, but without having been through itm I guess I can't fully grasp the gravity of the loss he is experiencing. I have not made any contact with him, because I do not want to overwhelm him. But, this morning he texted to say good morning and then he sent me about 4 more texts throughout the day letting me know what he was up to and he said he was not feeling too good. I feel like he was slightly more open with me today. I guess I just really have to be patient with him now as I have offered to leave him if that is what he wanted, but he is still keeping contact which seems then, that he still wants to know I am around.
  7. Okay so I really just wanted some advice because I am feeling totally lost. I personally have not had someone close to me pass away and I do not know the grief of losing a parent. My boyfriend lost his father a week ago. His dad was sick for a few years, but his death has still been a complete shock to my boyfriend. He is a very emotionally giving man and usually always very lovey dovey with me. The moment his dad ended up in hospital, my boyfriend shut me out totally. He kept me updated slightly and let me know when his dad had passed, but that was it. He did not let me know when the funeral was, but told me afterwards as I asked if he was doing okay and he let me know he had just buried his father. I know this time is about him, and his grieving and now is not the time for me to be selfish, but I can't help but feel like I am losing him. The night before last he said he felt nothing for anyone and didn't know if he still wanted a relationship with me. I told him clearly that I would be here for him no matter how long'/hard this journey would be but if he wanted me to leave then I would do that for him. He said he does not know what he wants and can't tell me he has feelings for me anymore because he is emotionally empty, but he did not want me to go. I decided to give him space and not message him, but he has messaged me a few times yesterday throughout the day to tell me to have a nice day and he let me know that he had done some things around the house. I replied and let him know I was thinking of him and was proud of him etc. He messaged me again this morning to say I must have a nice day. When I call him babe, baby etc he does not ask me to stop but won't say it back. Am I losing him or does he still want me around? His words make me feel like he wants me gone, but the fact that he still messaged me makes me think some part of him still wants me around? Do I just be patient and let him grieve? Does he want me to leave him alone? I feel so lost with this situation. It's hitting me so hard and I can't stop crying
  8. What do I do in this situation

    Okay so I really just wanted some advice because I am feeling totally lost. I personally have not had someone close to me pass away and I do not know the grief of losing a parent. My boyfriend lost his father a week ago. His dad was sick for a few years, but his death has still been a complete shock to my boyfriend. He is a very emotionally giving man and usually always very lovey dovey with me. The moment his dad ended up in hospital, my boyfriend shut me out totally. He kept me updated slightly and let me know when his dad had passed, but that was it. He did not let me know when the funeral was, but told me afterwards as I asked if he was doing okay and he let me know he had just buried his father. I know this time is about him, and his grieving and now is not the time for me to be selfish, but I can't help but feel like I am losing him. Last night he said he felt nothing for anyone and didn't know if he still wanted a relationship with me. I told him clearly that I would be here for him no matter how long'/hard this journey would be but if he wanted me to leave then I would do that for him. He said he does not know what he wants and can't tell me he has feelings for me anymore because he is emotionally empty, but he did not want me to go. I decided to give him space and not message him, but he has messaged me a few times today throughout the day to tell me to have a nice day and he let me know that he had done some things around the house. I replied and let him know I was thinking of him and was proud of him etc. Am I losing him or does he still want me around? His words make me feel like he wants me gone, but the fact that he still messaged me makes me think some part of him still wants me around? Do I just be patient and let him grieve? Does he want me to leave him alone? I feel so lost with this situation. It's hitting me so hard and I can't stop crying.
  9. Okay so I really just wanted some advice because I am feeling totally lost. I personally have not had someone close to me pass away and I do not know the grief of losing a parent. My boyfriend lost his father a week ago. His dad was sick for a few years, but his death has still been a complete shock to my boyfriend. He is a very emotionally giving man and usually always very lovey dovey with me. The moment his dad ended up in hospital, my boyfriend shut me out totally. He kept me updated slightly and let me know when his dad had passed, but that was it. He did not let me know when the funeral was, but told me afterwards as I asked if he was doing okay and he let me know he had just buried his father. I know this time is about him, and his grieving and now is not the time for me to be selfish, but I can't help but feel like I am losing him. Last night he said he felt nothing for anyone and didn't know if he still wanted a relationship with me. I told him clearly that I would be here for him no matter how long'/hard this journey would be but if he wanted me to leave then I would do that for him. He said he does not know what he wants and can't tell me he has feelings for me anymore because he is emotionally empty, but he did not want me to go. I decided to give him space and not message him, but he has messaged me a few times today throughout the day to tell me to have a nice day and he let me know that he had done some things around the house. I replied and let him know I was thinking of him and was proud of him etc. Am I losing him or does he still want me around? His words make me feel like he wants me gone, but the fact that he still messaged me makes me think some part of him still wants me around? Do I just be patient and let him grieve? Does he want me to leave him alone? I feel so lost with this situation
×