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About SashaS

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

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  • Gender
  • Loss Type
    Husband; Mother
  • Angel Date
    December 2016

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  1. That WHY is so hard to give an answer and then accepting the fact that we will not see them in this life is unlogic to me. I turned back from some days of vacation with my children. Just to change a bit situation for them and for me too. But nothing happened. I miss him even more. I was surprised with myself how am I doing this vacation without him?! Other people around me are indifferent of the fact of my pain. In other words they say: Is quite 7 months now. You have passed it! Maybe in their eyes I look like that, I'm not bagging any help. But my inside is like the first day this nightmare started. I love him and I miss him and I dont know how my future days will be without him. Being here is this forum I have understood that I'm not an alien in my feelings. It is a long journey! We have to be patient and try to find ways of standing. I dont see any light to find that why. We have to try to stand for them. We dont want see them suffer. Because of love we are spiritually bonded.
  2. That's exactly what I feel like! The life seems so different and so meaningless. I miss my other part!
  3. Lulu What a beautiful spirit!
  4. Those kind of people mostly only talk and give strange ideas but they usually dont do anything. They are for nothing! I had too some of this kind. He (my husband) was also a forgiving soul. But we dont have to add more pain. We have enough! I believe Lily is with you! Until the day you will look for her, she always will be with you!
  5. I do believe too that he is always with me. The death sapareted us from the physical but our spirits are still united. I think Lulu that our love for them keeps us united. We are together. And sometimes I think if my spirit is sad does his spirit is like mine? I hope not but anyway I try to remember good times of ours and to forget the last months. I dont want him to be sad! Tomorrow with my kids we will spend some vacations in the beach. We promissed to our children to go after his sickness in better times. These are the first vacations without him. Is hard but we will try and I know he will be with us.
  6. Thank you KayC! There is no other way! Give it time!
  7. For me its more than 6 months and I havent accepted yet and that is hardier part. I know he is not coming but I still wait for him. Than I think and I dont find an answer why he had to go. That makes me sad. And thoughts are so painful. I know, this is a long journey for us but we dont have other way but standing.
  8. Lulu! The weekends are hard for me too. I'm trying to determine some goals for the weekends. I have downloaded an app that counts the steps and i go out for a long walk. I like walking and my aim is to do 5000-10000 steps during the day. I feel better after that. No bad thoughts. I also try to prepare some new recipes. You can try whatever else you liked before. As for the therapist if you think to do and that will help you, do it. Dont think about that, just leave an appointment and go.
  9. I understand your pain Lulu! I wish my prayers bring you comfort and ease your pain. Hugs!
  10. I undestand your loss Bradley. But I think that we cant predict how our beloved ones will be instead of us. The only thing I can predict for sure if my husband would be in my place is that he will be in suffer too. We loved each other and for about 20 years together we never been apart. Measuring the pain and how he could it be here and I there or the contrary its only supposing. In physical and in the spirit we were united and I miss my other part. I only hope he is there in peace with his father which was a good friend for him!
  11. I think she would had suffered too from the pain of loosing her soulmate. That its not a small one. I have to raise two kids and I have to work hardier. But in front of that pain in my soul that one is insignificant.
  12. Even us, we didnt expect death or at least so quickly. His sickness has been so fast from a healthy person going for a couple of months. He was that kind of person which was prepared for the worst and hoped for the best. Sometimes in the hospital he tried to talk with me for the worst. But I denied that. I hoped so much that God will helped us. One day in the hospital we were reading a magazine about some news on science and we saw something on head transplant. We were joking with each other. How they are going to call this person?! The mind will be of another body and body will be of another mind. And there the subject of death is opened. I said to him that I strongly believe that life doesnt finish here in the physical. That I have seen my dad and my mom in their last moments and I'm a believer! He said to me Ok! I accept that! But what about my consciousness. Will I be there the same I'm here? I didnt know how to answer. The discussion ended there. But started again when I met him in that vivid dream. As we saw each other I told to him: - you see life continues. And he accepted saying: - yes it continues. Lulu! As much as I think, we have our doubts for every situation. I would prefer to have gone firstly, instead of him. But here in my place is also so much suffering. I hope there is more peace than here. That makes me feel better!
  13. Its true KMB! Im trying to relieve some pain. I always been a strong and discrete person. But in front of this pain I feel so weak. That is not my way to be. At least I need to be strong for my kids. Writing here helps me to control my weakness and to talk somebody I dont have with. Hugs too
  14. I don't have anyone I can really talk to about my grief and loneliness. My friends have their families and they dont understand. My brother lives far from where I live and he also has his family. The family of my husband they mostly didnt liked me as his wife and now more than ever stays far away from me and my kids. I have to take care of my kids and mostly I feel I'm not able to take care for anybody. But they are teens now and they are starting the life now. They dont like and dont understand my sadness. I have to hold tears in front of them. I have a job and a cat and some flowers to take care. I have this grieving forum also to write my feelings with the hope at least smbdy will listen and will understand me. I have some signs from my husband that he still lives somewhere but I still miss him all the time even i feel his presence and being connected in the spirit. This is a short description of what I have/dont have.
  15. I think its more hard for us to accept the fact because it wasnt their time to go. They were young and full of life! It's only what I want he was here with us!