Thank-you both for your kind words, thoughts and prayer. It means a lot and it definitely helps to not feel alone. The pain really is unbearable at times. I keep swinging back and forth from being fine to losing it completely. I miss him so much. We will hopefully get to visit him eventually but that doesn't feel like a silver lining yet. All I can feel right now is the loss. I pray they've done what's best for him.
My heart is breaking and I really don't know how to cope. My situation is a little different but still extremely painful. I am a first-time foster mom. We had a very sweet little boy for his entire first year of life. The way he would smile and laugh would just melt your heart. The best way I could describe him is cheeky. He is such a fun and amazing little guy. After having him 4 months it looked like we might be able to adopt him and I was extremely excited! Then we heard that one of his kin members was planning to take him. Then we heard that they backed out. Then we heard there was another plan. Then that plan fell through. Then we heard that the first plan was back on the table. Then that plan was pulled away again. Then there was a plan that stuck. Talk about a year of pulling on your heart strings. Having never been through this process before it was agonizing. So today, our first foster baby that we thought we would be able to adopt left our home permanently. I pass the empty room and I can't help crying. I am trying to keep it together but that's much easier said than done. We have a second foster baby who is a few months younger so I try to focus on him. The reality is this is what we signed up for. We knew that foster children come and go. The hard part is that it looked like we might be able to adopt him and we set our hearts on being his permanent family and that all just got washed away. It felt like he was ours and got stolen away. He will forever be in our hearts and part of our family. What did you find helped most with the loss or was there anything that helped at all? How long does it take to feel human again?