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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About Eagle-96

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  • Birthday 02/24/1972

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  • Angel Date
    April 1, 2017

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  1. My sister, TooDevastated

    So very sad to learn about TooDevastated. She, like all of us, walked a path that few understand. I wish her family nothing but peace and comfort as they pick up the pieces and deal with the reality of a life taken far too soon. My sincere wish is that she is again with her love and the pain has ceased.
  2. The brain fog is very real indeed. I find myself forgetting names often. I will stop sometimes while working and not have any idea what I am doing regarding the current task. I'll go to a room in the house to retrieve something only to return without the only thing I went for. Maybe this is what dementia feels like. If so, it's yet another wonderful thing to look forward to.
  3. Does anyone else feel this?

    The past is all we have(in relation to our soulmates anyway). There won't be any new memories or new milestones. The past is what gives us quiet comfort. It's an escape to a happier time where our soulmate existed. A place where this world and it's grief didn't exist yet. Where the troubles and worries were insignificant compared to our present woes.
  4. Don't know what to say

    Reminds me of the chorus to "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out" by The Smiths: And if a double-decker bus Crashes into us To die by your side Is such a heavenly way to die And if a ten-ton truck Kills the both of us To die by your side Well, the pleasure - the privilege is mine
  5. Lost of my husband best friend

    What you are feeling and doing is perfectly normal. You need to do the things that are beneficial for your healing. If that means having conversations with him or buying him an anniversary card then do it. I talk to Lori all the time and sometimes I even smile at what her responses would be to the conversation. As long as what you do to cope doesn't hurt you or anyone else then I say just do it. It's ok to smile and even laugh. We go through so many negative emotions in our grief that it's good to have some positive ones every now and then. Just like we ride the waves of our grief emotions, ride the positive ones also for as long as you can. If that means smiling for a few seconds, great. If that means having a better than average day, great.
  6. Don't know what to say

    But they ARE big. They ARE life changing. They are the things that really mattered the most. It's those little things that Lori did for me that I hold most dearly to my heart.
  7. Don't know where to turn

    So very sorry for this additional loss. You are in my prayers.
  8. Download a "reminders" app for your phone and set reminders for everyday tasks like: Paying Bills, Appointments, Feeding your pets(and yourself!) Accept help from family and friends when it's offered. Don't be too proud to accept the help. Reach out to stay connected to family and friends. They may think they are bothering you if they call/text you. Our phones work both ways.
  9. Don't know what to say

    Good for you. We have to do things that feel right sometimes. I suspect you will have a connection with her while you eat the meal and drink some wine(maybe pour her a glass too). It won't be the same without her but sometimes we have to continue the rituals we had when our soulmates were here. It's a touchstone of sorts to a better time and a better place. Cry, scream, wail, yell her name. Every bit of it is ok.
  10. One year ago - today

    I really feel sorry for the people that never get to experience that pure love. The kind of love where it is effortless. Where you just "get" each other. It's hard to fathom never getting to experience it. But, the pain I am enduring now is worth it to have had fourteen years with the love of my life. I'd do it all over again a thousand times even with the knowledge of the despair I am in now. She was worth it. She was ABSOLUTELY worth it.
  11. One year ago - today

    It just shows the direct relationship regarding the strength of the marriage in proportion to the level of grief experienced. We are all here and in such deep grief because we all had such a strong and beautiful love for our soulmate. The greater the love, the greater the pain of loss. Lori and I never spent more than five nights apart during 14 years and that was only once. Her dad was in the hospital two hours away from our home and she was staying with him while I was back home and working. I remember driving to her after five days and seeing her for the first time. I couldn't stop smiling. I was like a giddy child on Christmas morning. I look back on that day as the example of what we had. I simply wanted to be wherever she was. When we would make plans to be with friends and family I would tell her, "As long as you're there, It doesn't matter who else will be there". We grieve so heavily because we loved so hard. It's a high price to pay but it was all worth it. Every bit of it.
  12. Lost and Confused

    As we grow older we start to realize that it's quality and not quantity that matters with friendship. I'll take one true friend that I know will always have my back over one hundred friends that are questionable. I used to really really care about what people thought about me but I have learned that you can't please everyone. It's like the hundred dollar bill theory. You can stand on a street corner handing out $100 bills. Inevitably some people will complain that theirs is wrinkled. So you can like me or not, that's not going to change who I am or what I stand for.
  13. Two Months...

    It's like that book that says "don't sweat the small stuff". I disagree. It's the small stuff that matters so much. A kiss goodnight. Catching their smile across the room. Cooking a meal together. It's those small things that make up the lives we had and I want to get in peoples faces and yell at them, "CHERISH EVERY MOMENT NO MATTER HOW SMALL".
  14. Don't know what to say

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish you had no reason to join this forum but I am glad you found us as we will listen with no pre-conceived notions and no judgement. You have probably already experienced the range of emotions from sadness, anger, despair, regret, 2nd guessing, fear. These are all normal and to be expected and they can come singularly or several at once. I try to not avoid the emotions when they come because they tend to find me anyway. I try to just endure the wave as best I can until it subsides. You may also still be experiencing the fog and numbness that can accompany the early days and weeks. If you have close friends and family, try to lean on them for help and assistance as even the most mundane everyday tasks can seem daunting right now. I had to be reminded to pay bills, eat, do the laundry, etc.... Even simple tasks can be hard right now. It's ok to ask for help when you need it.
  15. first birthday

    I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and praying for your strength. You do whatever is best for you and that includes nothing if that suits you.