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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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MissGreenKristine

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  • Content count

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About MissGreenKristine

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    KY
  • Angel Date
    January 8th, 2017

Converted

  • First Name
    Kristina
  1. Lost My husband to heroin overdose

    My name is Kristina. I'm 31 years old and lost my fiance Todd due to ten years of herein use that then aggravated his unknown heart abnormality that we all found out about only after the autopsy. Just something he was born with. His big, kind, generous, precious heart just could not take anymore of it. My daughter Lucy is 3 yeas old. Todd died at the beginning of January 2017. None of us are alone. We are all in the same spot under that sky. For months I have wanted to die and scream and I've never felt more alone in my entire life but so many of us are here, in the exact same spot. You don't have to be alone either. Message me and we can call each other or just text. None of us have to live in so much agony as we do. Send me a message so we can talk.... Any of you. We need each other. Now more than ever.
  2. My Fiance Died out of Nowhere

    My best friend and the love of my life died at the beginning of January 2017. I found him unconscious on the floor of our bedroom and I performed CPR right away. He had his shirt off. I remember this. It stings in my eyelids when I close them. He never has his shirt off except to shower or for a brief moment while changing into another shirt. So I knew he must have passed out while changing his clothes. Details like this one stick to me like I'm nothing but a bot fly. Ticky Tape as my face and body collect all of my residue, yours too. Todd was was 31 years old. I thought the hospital was going to "save" him but his consciousness never returned. He had somehow losses oxygen to his brain for so long that the damage was irreversible. Then the autopsy report explained how he had been born being with a heart irregularity that was a surprise to us all. Nothing made sense. The family decided to turn the machines off after about two days when the doctors told informed everyone that he would never come back to us again. There must have been 30 people crammed in that hospital room to be there when he died. I looked at them looking at him and I almost couldn't breathe myself. My baby began to slump over to his right side as his soul left his body and I scooped him up, crying, saying things to him I don't even remember now and I held onto his heavy, lifeless body hard against my own. I smelled his hair. I knew I was never going to be able to smell that delicious, heavenly smell from his body ever again. The people behind me were accepting his death and I wasn't going to let him go anywhere without me. They, the devil, the fucken Suicide Squad...whoever, pulled me off of him eventually and whatever Hell came next I ran from. I go to his grave site every day and lay down in the grass next to him. I miss how he moved, how he walked toward me, how he was sometimes cold and would cover himself in blankets...his tall, perfect, tennis player like body stretched all the way across our super long couch. He always made room for me. His hair was so brown. He always took his hand to comb his hair upward with his fingers. He'd do it once and somehow be perfected. I loved watching him in the bathroom...shaving the trim around his short beard and brushing his teeth. Why did I always lean against the door and watch him quietly get ready in the bathroom...? No one is interesting like Todd. There is no one here alive on Earth that is as nearly quite like this strong, brave, spontaneous, cool natured man. I see other men throughout the day... All bleak and boring. They all look the same. To say that I MISS YOU is intensely an understatement. You are everything. You with your hands in your cargo short pockets walking toward me, smiling, knowing you had lost all of our rent money at the race track. I'm sorry I ever yelled at you or treated you less than the perfect man that you are. We can go to the casino everyday, I don't care just please come back to me! I tried to kill myself about three weeks later, just unable to find any peace. I wanted to see him again. To hold him and talk to him. I would die forever just to see him one more time. I need to just see him again. Do I need to see a Medium and talk to him through another person? Has this ever helped anyone...? I never feel him.
  3. I still don't know how Todd died. I found him on the floor of our new home. He was the bravest, most gorgeous, strongest person I have ever known. He was a REAL person... a person that understands you when you speak, that knows what to do in hard situations... Someone that is just Real. And it doesn't exist outside of him. I'm so sorry I couldn't get you to the hospital sooner. I wish it was me. You're too young. You were a young soul. I love you. I fell asleep in your arms and you still held onto me while I faced you, cuddled into you and I know you were watching Modern Family over my shoulder. I can't make anything work. I just keep bumping into things. I don't even know where you are! Kristina Montesi2
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