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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About jordan-

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    dad died when i was 9

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  1. I don't no , I don't want to talk to anyone on the phone , I rather not know the person
  2. I don't want to talk to my mum about it don't want to ask her about him , I just want my memories I had with him back , was hard enough losing him never mind losing every memory with him , it's not fair, I don't talk about how I feel or tell anyone what I'm going through because anyone I have tired to tell or trusted in the past has always gave me a reason not to trust them , I just don't have anyone I trust that much to talk to about things ,I won't even talk to my school teachers when they ask because I'm scared my mum will fine out and I really don't want her too , I can't go get help because I don't want her knowing and I don't drive yet so she would have to take me , I've tried finding things online to talk to someone but they mostly have to pay for but I've more things to worry about paying for than help ...
  3. I don't trust her , we don't talk that much , don't fell like I should have to ask about my dad , I don't want my family knowing how I'm feeling , I don't even want my friends knowing, I'm embarrassed that I'm always upset and crying , I feel like people will just think it's for attention
  4. I don't want to ask her I shouldn't have to , he was my dad i should be told the truth , from what I remember she has never told me but I can't barely remember last year and before that is a blur , very few things I remember from over the years and I don't no why , I was to see if she will tell me first or once I turn 18 and start to drive I'm going to visit his grave and see if I can find people who knew him and could tell me about him
  5. I've no one in my life that I trust , I fell out with my best friend from no age about 2 years ago and since then I haven't been able to tell anyone anything , I never told her stuff but right now I feel like a I need someone , my family is so over protective, I just keep myself to myself and try hold things in. there was one of the teachers I trusted but about 4 weeks ago he noticed me falling behind in my art work, not talking or smiling as much as sat down and had a chat to me I just said I was fine , 2 weeks ago I was then called out of registration by my vice principal and she sat me down and said a teacher is very concerned about me and asked what was going on in smiled and said I was fine, I just can't trust him know, I feel like all my teachers know because my other art teacher called me out of class aswell and was trying to talk to me about it aswell as my registration teacher . I'm scared incase they phone home and tell my mum about it , I don't want her to know , never talked about him and I don't want to start now talking to her about him , she has still never told me how he really died , I found out myself and it's hurting me a lot knowing I'm nearly 18 and she's never told me what actually happened to him . I can't remember anything from before or after my dad's death , I can barely remember last year to be honest , only thing that sticks in my mind is my dad's death. I want my childhood memories back , I hate looking at photos of him and not even remembering him , it's heartbreaking I feel like he wasn't even my dad cause no one talks about him , I can't remember anything , it feels soo strange
  6. it's soo hard , I don't even know what to do anymore , looking back on photos I can't even really remember him at all , it's horrible, I want to remember him, remember times with him it's like my whole childhood was one big blur. I'm struggling to keep it together, a few of my teachers are saying they are concerned about me because I'm not performing how I used to , I'm a really smiley person never have a smile off my face and I'm just struggling to keep that smile there because that smile is just hiding a load of pain and sadness I just don't want anyone knowing or seeing I'm in pain or upset . my dad was battling mental health difficulties for 3 years before his death , I've read that it can run in family's and I'm scared because I don't know what his mental health difficulties where and I've self harmed in the past because how much pain I'm feeling but I've stopped doing it and haven't done it in about 5 months that's why I need advice and help , I don't want to s...h...m anymore , I feel weak doing it , I feel weak crying, I feel weak seeking help
  7. no I haven't spoken to anyone about it , my relationship with mum isn't the best we don't talk much.. I don't can't find trust in anyone to talk to , don't even trust my own family and it's so hard getting away from my family to see a counselor or something
  8. I lost my dad the month after my 9th birthdsy. it was a Friday morning, I was off school sick then mum got a call telling her about it. my dad left when I was around 2 but and had kids and married to another women but he always made time for me and came to see me at the weekends and took me out. I can't remember anything from before the day I was told wasn't coming back and that he was in heaven , between that day and his funeral which I remember both soo clearly but everything else is a blur , I cry myself to sleep every night at the age of 17 , I hate the thought of Christmas cause his birthdays 3 days after then my 18th birthdays in February and it will be my 9th birthday without him here ,then in March is his 9th year death anniversary, I don't no what to do anymore all I do is cry , I'm so behind in school work I can't focus at all and can't do the work , it's affecting me serving customers where I work and my home life , I've had suicidal thoughts in the past and I'm scared, I just feel like giving up
  9. I hate the teacher so dont wsnt to ask been avoiding all the classes with her because she doesnt help me at all. Want to get back in to school next year but shes emailed me another 2 assessments that need to be done for next week 6 altogetter and havent started 1 of them ..... i wirte a few words get distracted or cry and think of ither things.. if i dont pass these assessments i cant get back in next year. Tbh i dont care about myself and how im feeling more worried about ithers round me, been chatting to a lad that lost his young gf in the bombing in manchester , trying to help and support him as much as i can cause dont live near him , cant imagine how heart broken he is and just want to make sure he doesnt keep it all in like me and acc tells people how hes feeling and gets the support or help he needs
  10. Im a girl.... i just want my dad back.... its killing me seeing ithers with their dads and knowing mines dead..... i want to grow up get married and have children now im thinking whats point going to hurt me even more if i get married not having him walk me down the ailse , not having first dance ...... not seeing his grand children .... it hurts sooo much
  11. loss of dad

    I cant , i dont want my family to know... jut dont no what to do no more, i give up sooo much... i want to be happy again, i just want my dad back...
  12. loss of dad

    No one talks about him, i dont want to talk to anyone about it , dont trust anyone not even my family.... feel so embarrassed and all i do is cry when i think of him. I cant start conuselling because mum will find out , shes so over protective and always asks where i am , what im doing and stuff. Dont go to church either. The pain keeps grtting worse and Im scared... incase it gets to a point where i do somethinf stupid, i cant cope no more its killin me....
  13. loss of dad

    I cant do it any more , i give upp soooo much. I miss him like hell and i cant get it out of my mind. Get myself in a state every night , cry so much find it hard to breath and have asthma so it makes it worse. I dont want to be here, i wish i could swap places with him...
  14. I lost my dad due to car crash when i was 9, im trying my hardest to be strong and carry on with my life.... i cant do it no more... i give up... i just want him back ive so much school work ive been delaying for a few weeks because i just cant focus and not motivated at all. All i do is sit in my bedroom on my phone and thinking about my dad. Ive lost so much interest in everything. My school works due next week and i cant bring myself to do it, i keep getting disracted, put on sad somg and cry my eyes out. Just me and mum at home and we keep arguing every time we do i go to say something cheeky and have to stop myself then burst out crying i dont no whats wrong with me.... i cry at everything.... i give up so much
  15. Father passed away unexpectedly

    I lost my dad when i was 9 to a car crash which killed him. Its been 8 years and i still struggle so much, theres days i just want to end my life, want to give up. Times im in work and just stare at 1 thing because all i can think about is him. I still hate myself for not seeing him or being there to help/ comfort him, i wish i knew if he was in pain for long or if he wasnt in pain because of the force his head hit. Its normal to feel how your feeling, take it day by day, your always going to miss him. But remember he will be watching over you and wouldnt want you to upset