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Dhales78

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About Dhales78

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    Newbie

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Washington
  • Loss Type
    Brother

Converted

  • Interests
    Debbie
  • Last Name
    Hales
  • First Name
    Debbie
  • Zip
    98363
  1. Lost my sister to suicide

    She must have been in a lot of pain to leave you all like that especially her grandbaby. We all have regreats whenever someone passes, it's never enough time. It's hard with suicide because we who are left behind feel like they had a choice. I have 2 brothers that died of suicide 16 years a part. I read somewhere that they died from suicide but bipolar is what killed them. The pain was too much, the thought of life was more fearful to your sister than the thought of life. She was trapped in a place where all she could see was pain not you your mom her kids, just pain and death was the only way out. You have every right to be mad at her. And you have every right to grieve. Stop trying to be strong for your mom or your kids and teach them how to grieve teach them it's ok to be sad and mad and cry. Teach them it's not healthy to stuff your feelings down. Grieve as a family and let this make you stronger together. Believe me, I stuffed my feelings down, and was strong 16 years ago, and about a year later I had a break down because I never delt with it. Go see a counselor you can talk to about all this. You have some steps of grief to work through and to lead your family though. You will have to work towards forgiveness of yourself and your sister. Answer me this one question, what happens if your not strong or if you cry and show emotions? Does the world stop spinnig? Your kids will see you are human and it's ok to grieve. It's ok for you to lean on your family for support too you know. It might be the best thing you can do in this situation. Things get better.
  2. I lost my brother to suicide

    You cannot think about the things you didn't do. You can't think about the what ifs. Your brother knew you loved him. More often than not people that commit suicide have menatal health and/or substance abuse issues. When someone chooses suicide, they are in so much pain they can't think of anything else but getting the pain to stop. He didn't choose suicide to leave you or because you didn't love him enough. He chose suicude because he feared the thought of life far more than he feared the thought of death, and he just wanted the pain to end. You don't know how many times the thought of you gave him the strength to live to fight one more day. You don't know how many times a call from you changed his mind and gave him another hour to live. You will never know how much you being there for him and loving him changed his life. You now have to relase him and yourself by forgiving him for leaving you and forgive yourself for any unfinished business you had with him, and anything you blame yourself for. You need to journal about your feelings and let them out. You need to talk to a professional counselor and you need to lean on the support system you have. You cannot go back to the what ifs or if onlys. Your brother loved you, but he was in so much pain he couldn't see past it, to a way out. The final thing that he's asking you to do is to understand that he didn't do this to you or because of you or what you did and didn't do. He did this because he believed he wasn't strong enough to fight the pain anymore. I am sure he had a battle with that pain for a long time. Pain waged war on him, and he fought long and hard. He is no longer in pain, and he needs you to forgive him and understand that you must forgive yourself. Give yourself time to grieve. You have lost greatly. He will no longer physically be in your life. There is a hole there that won't ever be replaced, but you can learn to live with. I think it's a lot like losing a limb. You can live without it, but it's going to be an adjustment. You have to get used to doing things differently. Grief comes in waves, and you may neber truly be done with it. But the waves are not as strong with time. Every single wave doesn't knock you to the ground and pull you under water like an undertow, like it does right now. Sometimes a wave will hit and you'll stay standing. Sometimes a wave will hit and knock you down, but you'll get right back up again. Other times it might be like the undertow again, but those will stretch farther and farther apart. Hang in there. You're not alone.
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