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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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tommysmama

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  • Content count

    9
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About tommysmama

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Toronto, ON
  • Loss Type
    Cat Loss
  • Angel Date
    May 6, 2017

Converted

  • First Name
    Anna
  1. I can't lie, I broke down crying reading your story. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my Tommy on May 6th, 2017, and I've gone into major depression since. It unfortunately hasn't gotten "easier" for me. He was all I had, and just like your beautiful Pudge, he would wait for me when I got home and we would just spend the nights together enjoying each others' company. I lived alone as well, and didn't have much at the time, but we had each other and thats all that mattered to me. Lots of similarities in your story, brought back a lot of memories for me. I'm really sorry for your loss. It's hard to talk to people about it... I've had too many people tell me "its just a cat" for me to realize that it's best I suffer alone. These support sites do help however. I'm not sure who you are, or where you are located, but I am willing to make a donation to help you find a nice urn for Pudge. I don't have much, but I know something will help. Reach out at any time.
  2. I lost my baby

    Hi Cassieann, hope you're holding up ok. Thank you for responding to my post. Troubles was an incredibly handsome boy and I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost a 19-year old family cat years ago, he just never came home one day. The unanswered questions we get left with are the worst so I completely understand your pain. Its been 4 months now since my Tommy boy passed away, and I still cry all the time. Even now actually, which is why I go back to this forum. I want the exact same thing as you, just to have him back again. Animals are these amazing creatures, a pure and genuine gift to humanity. Tommy gave me this unconditional love that no human could ever give me. I miss that feeling a lot. It's very lonely now. Keep your head up. We're all here for support.
  3. Hypocondriac mother new thoughts

    I have not lost a parent, so I cannot tell you "I know how you feel." All I can tell you is I'm truly sorry for your loss. My mother is a hypochondriac, and your conversations with your mother sound very similar to mine. It opened my eyes a little, so thank you. Although I am only a stranger typing through a screen, I am here if you ever need someone to talk to.
  4. Thank you everyone. It has been a few weeks since Tommy's passing. Whether it's only 2 minutes or 20 minutes, there hasn't been a day yet where I haven't cried missing my little man. He was so special to me. I found a local support group for those dealing with the loss of a pet, which I will be attending this Saturday. Since it's been almost a month since Tommy passed, I feel like my time has "expired" to talk to friends/family about my pain. I'm hoping this will help. You all are wonderful people. Thank you. (Pics below of my handsome little man)
  5. Death of a very loved Cat question.

    I lost my sweet baby boy Tommy (a cat as well) this Saturday and I can't tell you how badly my heart is broken. To the point where I'm not even eating, sleeping, or showering. Pure depression. He was the little love of my life for the last 5 years. Despite my tears, and resistance to get another cat, last night my fiance put a kitten in my arms even though I said I wasn't ever planning on "replacing" Tommy. It hurt so bad and I almost didn't want to disrespect him by getting a "replacement" so soon after. It was literally 24 hours after. But as soon as the kitten was in my arms, I felt this warmth in my heart that I forgot existed. I'm still very much crying around the clock at the loss of Tommy, but I see this sweet little innocent kitten who needed a home and my fiance knew I could provide that for him. He also wanted to get the kitten to help our other cat Luna who was absolutely in love with Tommy and best buds who did everything together. I think this little male kitten is filling warmth in her heart as well. I just watch her admiring the kitten and trying to play with him (even though he's too young to play back), but I could tell my fiance made the right choice. Even though my soul cries for the love of my sweet little baby boy Tommy, at least this new kitten is bringing joy to her in ways we can't. Truly sorry for your loss.
  6. Loss of my boy cat

    You were a great mother to your boy. I'm truly sorry for you loss. I lost my baby boy on Saturday and the pain is excruciating. I hope over the last month your heart has felt a bit of peace. And I know what you mean about people judging...I turned to this site because I had no one to talk to about the loss of my cat Tommy. He was my best friend. I miss him so much. I'm here if you need anything.
  7. Loss of family dog

    He is beautiful. I feel your pain. I lost my cat on Saturday and I feel like I have no one to talk to. "It's just a cat" they say. He really wasn't, he was my best friend. I'm truly sorry for your loss.
  8. Lost my best friend..now what

    I lost my cat on Saturday, and he was my best friend. I feel your pain and I'm truly sorry. I also can't stop crying and keep thinking all these thoughts of what I could've done. I keep watching videos now of animals in the after-life to give me a little bit of hope that I will see my fur baby again. You are not alone and although we've never met, you can reach out to me at any time. We are all in this together. Wishing you peace and warmth in your heart.
  9. I really need some help from someone. People keep saying its just a cat, but he really wasn't. He was all I had when times were rough. He made me smile when I had no one. He loved me so much and I loved him beyond words. I can't even focus as tears stream down my face as I type this, holding on to the towel that we wrapped his sweet little body in, having trouble letting go. I've become so desperate for answers or even just a little bit of support I turn to this site. On Saturday, May 6, 2017 my precious little boy Tommy died in my arms. He was only 5.5 years old. At age 2, he was diagnosed with anemia and kidney disease, very rare for such a young guy. I spent thousands from my savings to do whatever I could for the little guy, running all these tests, medications, regular check-ups, etc. At 2 years he dropped down to 4 pounds and vets didn't think he would make it, even suggesting I put him down. That wasn't an option for me. With the prednisolone and gentle force feeding, i brought my cat back to normal weight and he was an active little guy again causing mischief and "hunting" his toys all the time. I'd wake up in the middle of the night with his toys all over me and all in his water bowl. He was such a funny guy. So when my vet stopped paying much attention once Tommy started feeling better, I didn't like that so January 2017 I switched to a new vet. The new vet had great ratings online so I trusted it. And I still don't know for sure if he did anything wrong, but my mind keeps wondering. He checked tommy's blood work and it read that he was at stage 3 kidney disease and his anemia was severe. Tommy was also showing signs of cancer. Tommy was now 5 years old. So the vet upped the dose to 2 pills a day to see how he responded. Tommy was fine until one week ago it all changed. He was getting weaker but my other cat had a lump on her stomach so I decided to take her in first last weekend and then Tommy this weekend (splitting up the finances as I couldn't afford it all at once). I wish I didn't do that and the regret is killing me to the point where I can't function anymore. I ended up taking Tommy in this last Friday because he was very weak. Tommy has lost a bit of weight but nothing significant like the first time. Vet noticed he was weak right away and wanted to run another blood test to see where he was at. Right after they took the blood, Tommy could barely move off the vet floor. His whole body and his head just laid flat on the floor with not an ounce of energy. Vet pulled out a new medication and said that this was the final resort. He orally administered Atopica for cats and said that if he responds in a week this could make him live a long life. But it was too late. I took Tommy home and his mouth was still all crusty from the medication, like it was dehydrating him or something. Couldn't swallow properly. He seemed so much weaker than when I took him in that morning. I don't know if it's because they withdrew his last bit of blood that was keeping him alive (being anemic) or it was the new medication or it was simply too late. I gave him as much water as I could to try and help him. Tommy had this obsession with ice cubes. So I took an ice cube and dropped it in his water. He perked up a little bit and slowly walked over to his water bowl to take a drink. My heart broke because he was trying to drink but he just couldn't, he was so weak. Then about 10 minutes later I pulled out treats and he got a little excited and came over. He tried so hard to pick up the treat but he just couldn't. I even broke it in half to help him...he'd pick it up and it'd just fall out of his mouth. I started crying, like I am right now, because it really did break my heart. My fiance and I kept close watch on him Friday night. We let him do all the things he wanted to do. He wanted to step out on the balcony, we let him. He just lied there and smelt the fresh air, then slowly walked in when he was finished. He wanted to walk down the hallway of the apartment, and we let him. We just let him walk, and he walked about 10 meters until he dropped. We pet him slowly and just stayed with him in the hallway. (Tommy loved being in the hallway...when we'd come home he'd be waiting at the door to go there. And once he hit the hallway he sit on the carpeted floor and just purr like crazy. Some days we just him stay out there as long as he wanted, it made him so happy). But that night we noticed Tommy couldn't walk back from his hallway mission. I picked him up and he was like jello, bringing him back inside. My fiance and I were having a personal argument from nights before, so I decided to sleep in the living room and he slept in the bedroom. I regret going to bed so easily that night at 11pm knowing my cat was like this. I should've stayed up with him. That night at 1am I woke up to use the bathroom and Tommy was sitting on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I pet him or not, which also kills me because I really hope I did, and then I left the bathroom, got a bite to eat from the kitchen and fell back asleep. At 8am, my fiance comes running into the living room and yells "Babe! Tommy!". (Our female cat had woken him up when it was happening. That breaks my heart even more because she was attached to the hip with Tommy. They were best friends). I bolted to my bedroom to see Tommy just lying there halfway inside my closet and halfway out. I panicked. I lifted him up pulled him out of the closet to the floor right next to us. As I lifted him, he let out what sounded like the last bit of air in his lungs. I kept saying, "Tommy?? Tommy???" as he was still warm, very jello-like, and his eye were still glossy (no blinking). I called the vet (which wasn't opened yet) and left a voicemail panicking on what to do. I kept telling Tommy how much I loved him, and I thanked him for an amazing 5 years. I sang to him "you are my sunshine" and I just cried and cried and cried like I am right now. The vet called me back and asked him if he was cold, I said no. They asked if he was stiff, I said no. They let me know that "it was happening" and to bring him in for 9am. I kept looking at Tommy's eyes for a little bit of hope. Maybe he'd come back? We only did one day of the new medication and didn't get a chance to see if it would work. I cried for him. I put my left hand gently under his body while he was lying on the floor, almost holding him like he was my baby. I just cried. He started to go cold. My fiance and I said a prayer together for God to take him and keep him for us once we get there. The thought of never seeing my baby again shatters my heart. I really hope there's a kitty heaven. I keep thinking to myself, what if I took Tommy to the vet first instead of my female with the lump. We could've gotten the medication sooner and maybe he'd live a long life with me. The lump turned out to be only a cyst, which I'm thankful for, but it hurt even more knowing that Tommy's condition was much more serious. And I waited. I waited a week. A week that could've save his life. And I keep thinking to myself, why didn't I stay up with him on Friday? I knew he was weak but I didn't think he would go overnight, just like that. I haven't left my living room floor since Saturday. I haven't stopped crying. I eaten maybe 500 calories since then with no appetite. I can't even shower because Tommy why lying in the tub on Friday, the night before he died. I think he liked the cold. Was my apartment too hot for him? All these thoughts keep running through my head. Not many people understand this pain I'm experiencing. They judge. But I loved him so much. I keep thinking I could've done more. Tommy baby, you were my world. I miss you so much. I wish I could hold you in my arms just one more time and listen to those loud purrs of yours. I wish I could watch you "hunt" your toys again and giggle like I used to as you brought them to me. I wish I could wake up again and feel you lying on my chest like I did every morning, with your claws gently pressing into my chest. Now I cry, and I cry, and I cry, because you're not here with me anymore. You left too soon. You only lived 5 years. My baby, I miss you so much. When will this hurting stop? Until we meet again sweetheart. I love you.
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