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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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alan1980

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About alan1980

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Loss Type
    My older sister

Converted

  • Last Name
    Brewer
  • First Name
    Alan
  1. I am a 36 years old man and I recently lost my older sister. She was 49 and in seemingly good health. My mother had been trying to contact her all morning and a good part of the afternoon. Finally she decides that we need to go check on her. So we go to her house. She gets out and knocks on the door and rings the doorbell. She comes back to the car and tells me to go inside and check on her and her dogs. As soon as I get close to the carport a feeling came over me that I do NOT want to go inside. I beg her to not make me go inside but she insists. I finally open the door and immediately see something isn't right because the kitchen was a mess. I enter the living room and see my sister on the sofa with her legs on the ottoman. Her eyes are open and her arms are up on her chest. I call her name. No response. I call her name again. Still no response. I walk up to her and tap on her arm to get her attention. And her arm was hard. I knew she was gone and I panicked and ran out side to my mom. She ran inside and confirmed what I feared. My sister was dead. I don't know what I'm going to do without her. It's been a little over a week and it isn't getting any easier. I close my eyes and I relive the moment I found her. Yes we were 13 years apart in age. And yes we had our bad arguments. But I loved her. She was my big sister. I feel like a part of my soul is missing. I try to go and have fun. But I can't. Nothing makes me happy anymore. My mom keeps telling me that I still have a sister. That she's just in heaven now. I don't care. I don't want a sister in heaven. I want her here on earth with me. This all feels like a bad dream that I cannot wake up from. I just want to feel happy again and for this feeling to go away. We still don't have the autopsy results yet so we don't know what killed her. The paramedics said she most likely died around 8pm the night before.
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