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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

Finneast

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About Finneast

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    Newbie

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  • Loss Type
    Suicide
  1. I am so sorry for your losses as well, I don't wish this on anyone but it does help knowing I am not alone.
  2. my daughters fourth birthday is coming up and with that forever will be the anniversary of his death. I haven't even had to guy to look to see if anyone responded to my post until now because I tried my best to buck up and carry on which worked for many months but it couldn't last forever. I am again haunted by dreams of him, nightmares that are so real. It's like he comes to me in my dreams to make me feel responsible for pushing him over the edge by leaving knowing full well how fragile he was in his substance abusing state. How does anyone ever get over this? My daughter has stopped mentioning him and her memories of him have faded which I knew would happen because she is so young, I carry guilt for that as well. I thought this was getting easier to cope with but it really hasn't at all.
  3. I was with my ex for 7 years and we have a beautiful daughter together. He was troubled and struggled with substance abuse, alcohol and drugs. After I became pregnant I tried to work out our relationship as long as I could and felt like maybe seeing our perfect little girl being born that he would change. However he got worse and began leaving for days to over a week at a time turning his phone off and spending so much money drinking and doing drugs for days then coming home angry and depressed. I tried everything I could but received little support from his family and the immediate family I had around me. When our daughter was 2 I couldn't no longer handle living with him because of his addictions and I moved hoping he would sober up to be a father and start his life over away from his triggers and usual hangouts. He got worse after we left and I was getting so mad at him for not straightening out but then he seemed ok, and on that day he hung himself. I am plagued with guilt as I feel I pushed him over the edge and although I live a very happy life with my now husband and our daughters I still hide how horrible I feel on the inside. He was so tormented that he violently took his own life and I am living well, I don't know how to cope with his death at all even though I know in my heart I did everything I could and stayed as long as I could before it became unstable and unsafe for my daughter and I.
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