Lou ann

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About Lou ann

  • Rank
  • Birthday 03/03/1961

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
  • Interests
    My kids
  • Loss Type
    Daughter drowning, sudden cardiac arrthymis
  • Angel Date
    June 19, 2011


  • Occupation
  • Interests
    My kids
  • Last Name
  • First Name
  • Zip
    N4T 1M7
  • Country
  • About Me
    Forever with a broken heart

Recent Profile Visitors

217 profile views
  1. Georgina am glad to hear Charlotte is home and hopefully on the road to recovery. You have been thru so much. Don't forget to take care of yourself. We have all been worried about both of you. Sending love and prayers your way. Susan. Beautiful pictures. This is you and your grandson? And your son? How precious. And everyone looks so happy despite the grief you also carry. That's so hard to have to carry both. Thank you for sharing them. It sure shows that a little bit of sunshine can still come thru once in awhile. Take care
  2. Dee, your bike ride sounds so peaceful and relaxing. The last time I rode a bike was when you had to peddle backwards to stop. Guess I'm showing my age there. Hope your husband is coming along well on his road to recovery. Kate, I was wondering where you have been. Glad to hear you are enjoying the beautiful lake and surroundings. That is very strange that man showing up. So out of the blue unexpected. I am telling my husband we should vacation in Manitoba. I have never been and I think my husband has been thru once. I did not realize lake Winnipeg was so big until my husband was telling me. I hope your husband is doing well. I still haven't recovered from Ottawa getting put out. Lol oh well only 3 more months before start up again. Take care Sherry. Thanks for your beautiful post about Kira. You are probably like me and glad to see the end of June. Hope you had a nice vacation. Sorry that your family doesnt remember David's Angel date. But all of us will always remember and wrap our arms around you on June 14ths. This is the first year I had all of your support and it has meant so much to me. Take care Colleen thank you for sharing Brian's Angel date with me and Kira. I hope our angels have met in heaven and are friends. You have really made me think about making life happy for my two other children. I know you are right it just feels that you shouldn't be happy when one of your kids is missing . But I will try. Thanks for your help. Hugs Lesley. Thanks for reminding us that we do not pass alone. I know Kira will have her hand out for me when my time comes. Kira was an excellent ballerina as she had long arms and legs and what she used to call her "freakishly long fingers". I would recognize her hands out of a million and can't wait to hold them again some day. Just as your precious Tommy will be there with his hands out for you. Hugs. Do you get nice weather in the summer in England or is it rainy all year? Hope you are enjoying your garden. Tinay. I'm always praying for you. I know you are struggling and like I said you can contact me any time thru any way. I will always be here for you. I know the heartache of losing a precious beautiful girl and how unbearable it can be. Hang in there. Mike's mom. I am fairly new here. I don't know your story, but am so sorry for the loss of your husband and son. This site has been a life saver for me. I hope you keep posting and I can get to know you.
  3. Thank you all so very very much for your kind words and allowing me to share pictures of my baby girl. The one with her holding her cat was taken 3 days before she died. I have looked at it a million times. She did not look weak, pale, scrawny, in pain. Nothing but a strong, happy, healthy girl enjoying her kitty. I have always been way way over protective of my kids. I thought I had everything covered that could possibly happen to them. But my God never in zillion years did I ever think my child would collapse and die in the shower. And that thud was probably the only one I never panicked over. For six years I have been searching , struggling, looking for something, suffering with this awful grief. And then in April some how I stumbled upon this site. For the first time I have people who understand, who are walking the same journey as me. Who I know won't let me down. People who are holding my hands and standing beside me even through thier own sorrow and pain. Your love and support means the world to me. Somebody posted awhile back they had to leave this site in order to carry on in this grief journey but for me it has been the exact opposite, I had to find you guys to hang on. I dont think of suicide anymore. The first four months of this year i was in the bottom of the darkest hole. I only hope in return I help somebody else once in awhile. I went to the cemetery today with my purple flowers. The red carnations are in memory of Colleens Brian who shares the same Angel date as my Kira. Love and hugs to you all. My heroes.
  5. Kira died on fathers day. We don't acknowledge it just like mothers day. We only celebrate as little as possibly for any holiday, just enough for our two boys. But not like we used to.
  6. Lesley. Oh I'm quite sure that was Tommy connecting with you. I think the signs come in unexpected ways and unexpected times. I was in a department store a few yeArs ago looking thru a rack of clothes. I felt a very firm push on my back (even thru my winter coat). I thought I had backed into someone and turned around to say sorry. But there was no one there. No customers or employees. It was kind of eerie cause I couldn't see anyone anywhere, like I was alone in the store. I don't know if it was Kira or not, but it sure was strange.
  7. What a handsome young man. And like all of our children, gone way way too soon. Even if God tells me why some day i will never understand. Lesley hope your slump has gone and you are out enjoying some nice weather and working in your garden. Nice you had a visit from your daughter. I planted a new Tommy and Kira flower today. I've have had two die on me already. Lol. Georgina. How is Charlotte? Is she home from hospital yet. ? Still praying for her full recovery. Rainie. Haven't heard from you in awhile. Hope everything is ok with you. Darcy. Those dates are so difficult. I'm six years on Monday and some times it still doesn't feel real to me either. But you have come thru a year, a very difficult year. And you have to give yourself credit for that. You will get thru this, you are stronger than you think. You have all of us here holding your hands, rallying around you. You are never alone. Hang in there and hold on. Just take one day, one hour or one minute at a time. Hugs Luanne
  8. Sherry. I have been thinking about you all day. Im only six years in but im sure no matter how many years pass, the angel date is still difficult. The day is almost over and you made it thru another June 14.
  9. Becky. Am so sorry to hear of your health issues. I wish I lived closer and I would come take you out for a walk. Glad to hear Jasmine has a job and is able to move on with her life albeit with out her precious brother. She must be strong like her mom. Hope you enjoy your bird feeder. I had to take mine down as the seeds on the ground were attracting skunks and I had to have two of them removed from my yard. I also have a cardinal hanging around but it chirps so loud I have to close my patio door. So sad two more families having to bury their loved ones. Nice that you feel Jared around you. I think we all need to feel our children around sometimes. Hope for a speedy recovery for you. Will be thinking about you. Sherry. I do not know the circumstances that your son left this earth, but I see his Angel date is tomorrow and I just wanted you to know i will be thinking of you and your family on this very sad day. May you find some peace tomorrow. Devianz. You should be proud of your self to get thrulast week. I was thinking of you and how strong you must be to be going thru all you have on your plate. Please know I will be standing right there beside you on July 31 and Sept 11. With you every step of the way. Hugs.
  10. I have read some where too there is no name because it is just too horrific to.give a name to . I have a friend who lost her only child to suicide two years ago (My son's best friend) and when I question myself why did I do that or why didn't I do this, she always reminds me that we didn't get the memo on what to do if you loss a child, we didn't get the manual. And Tinay, i used to ask myself where am I on this journey, where should I be by now. If someone were to ask me where were you in year 1, 2, 3, 4, etc. I wouldn't have a real definitive answer. I know the first 6 months to a year I was in total shock and denial much like you are now. If I didn't look at her pictures , or touch her things, if I rushed thru the funeral; if I did some thing to please God then none of it would be true and she would come thru the door again. I even thoughtI saw her chest rise at the funeral home and almost yelled it out. I then spent the next few years being put on an increasing number of psych drugs until I could hardly function, but it blocked out my grief I couldn't feel anything. But other than that I couldn't really say where I was at at any one time. Sometimes I would go along very matter of factly , the next minute seeing a jar of nutella in the grocery store would just gut me. You are right. Baby steps, one minute at a time. I don't look on any check off list to see if I have covered all the steps. Is what I have learned in six years is that I am where I am right now. You are struggling with the newness of it all. What every you feel like is exactly where you should be. Don't ever beat yourself up about what you should or shouldn't have done or where you should be in your grief. I did that for years and although I have felt very bad about things I have or haven't done, one thing I know is that no parents heart could be more broken than mine, just as you feel that about Kiona. This web site is one of the best things you could have done for your self. You are strong (as someone reminded me) as you have lived one day past March 21st. Hugs. Luanne
  11. Just typed out poem from daveydow1 from may 7th post. I have to have it turned into paper tomorrow to get in this week's paper. I chose a picture this year of her in her soccer uniform. I am crying already and got a week to go. Sorry I might need you guys to prop me up again this week. My husband can't even read the poem or look at the picture.
  12. Oh thank you so much everyone. I'm going to tell Evan you are all happy for him. Neither mine nor my husband's family could care less (Except my one sister). We were at the back of the line when they were handing out families. My husband and I have always had to be parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle. We have always tried so hard to make our kids feel important and loved. You will never know what your support means to me. Colleen. I am right there with you as our beautiful kids Angel date gets closer. Maybe we can walk together and lean on each other as we get thru this next week. Going from Evans graduation to Kira's Angel date is quite the opposite ends of the scale. Sandy. It is bad enough for us as adults to have to deal with the pain and sorrow of grief but so unfair for children to carry this burden. It is good that they have memories of their mother to.cherish. sounds like you are doing an incredible job of being thier for them thru the good days and bad. I'll be praying for you all.
  13. Oh and I wore Kira's bracelet I only wear on special occasions.
  14. Well I did it. I watched my beautiful baby boy with the curly hair walk across the stage at University of Toronto and receive his law degree. (Except he is 28 and his hair hasn't been curly since he was 3) but he is still my baby. So difficult to handle pride and happiness with the grief and sadness. But for those 2 -3 minutes when they called his name, he walked across the stage, and received his diploma, I let go of the sadness and was just a proud mama bear. It was a beautiful sunny day in Toronto but when we started to head home, the sky got dark and cloudy. It was as if my grief was saying hey I gave you a few moments of sunshine but im back again hanging over your head. I felt all of you with me. I felt Kira there, letting me know it was ok to let go of my sadness for a few minutes and embrace a few moments of happiness. This day had weighed so heavily on me for so long but i held myself together and evan had his day. Of course he acted like no big deal, what ever but he worked so long and hard for this and thru losing his sister. Thanks for all your support in pulling me thru this. I am going to try and post a few pictures if I can figure it out. I hope you don't mind. One has the cn tower in the background as I thought you have all probably heard about it. Now on to Monday when I have to put the memorium in the paper and wait for the 19th to arrive with all it's pain and sorrow. Devianz I know you had a difficult day today. I was thinking about you.