Lou ann

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About Lou ann

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  1. Colleen. Thanks for the welcome. I am so sorry you lost your son. I see from your site that your Brian died the same day as my Kira, June 19th. But her year was three years later. I will now think of you and your family now on that day too. It is so encouraging to hear you seemed to have found your way thru this journey of grief. You are so right you have to get to know yourself again. I think you must have to reinvent yourself but I just can't find my way thru yet. Amyanne I hear your pain. I know what it feels like to not figure out how to live without her. My whole heart and soul feel as those they have been taken from me. I am almost 6 yrs in and it took me 5 1/2 years to finally get her pictures packed away. Each one I looked at was like a stabbing in my heart and flood of memories. So I worked on them for 5 1/2 years. Have you had time to get therapy and maybe some meds . As long as you get a good therapist they can really help you. You r probably so overwhelmed with kids u don't have time to . Sounds like u need a bit of a break. As far as it getting any easier, hope it does but I really don't know. I just know we need to keep putting one foot in front of another. Devianz you are so right to put one front in front of other. I never found the timelines or which years were worse than others very valuable. I have always been all over map while trying to heal. I sympathize with your ptsd. I hate quite a bite of it myself but it has gotten better. There is medication for that. I can't image what you have to live with. You are so right about finding the tiny shreds of hope each day. I now appreciate even the smallest of victories. Thank you for sharing. Tommys mum So inspiring to all. And lots of hopes for us newbies. Thanks for your inspiring words and giving us the encouragement to reach out for help. I know I certainly need some.
  2. Please don't apologize for breaking down. I think we all do that at one time or another and this is a safe place. Also my email address is ltaylor50@rogers.com and if you want to connect that way too I will always be there.
  3. Oh amyanne, I wish I could give you a big hug right now. Your Katrina sounds like a wonderful girl just like my Kira was. Always so concerned about others. Usually young girls are more into themselves, but ours were just wanting to help others. I don't think we will ever get our answer as to why them instead of us until we can ask God someday. I try to block out some memories too because they are just too painful. I cant imagine the strength and courage it must take to raise those three girls and I know your daughter must be so proud of you. We just need to hang on to each other and all the other wonderful people on this site.
  4. Becky your poem is beautiful. It should be published. I wrote a really nice poem for the paper for the first year. It just poured from my heart as I can tell yours did. Rainie I think it was you who said that you pretty must just exist since losing your boys. I can so relate to that. No matter how hard I try I just can't put life back together again. And I think it was jeffs mom who said she was never the same person again. I guessI just can't figure out who I am anymore. My husband and I don't have friends or hobbies. Our kids were our whole life 24/7. Cher I am Canadian too and proud of it. But for a minute there I thought maybe we weren't welcome by Bob's comment. I am go grateful for my new American, British, and German friends. You have all been so kind. I'm sorry if I sound too needy and am yapping too much. I feel like I am at some kind of crossroads and I need to make the decision to carry on this road of living without my daughter or not.
  5. Why couldn't it have been me instead of her? I just sit here reliving all the mistakes I've made in my life and she was just the most awesome kid ever. She had so much kindness and compassion for people. She had so many plans for the future. She only got to drive once by herself after just getting her drivers permit. McDonald's called the week after she died to offer her her first job. The kids at school all wrote about her in a book and almost six years later I still haven't read it. I don't know why all these memories are still twirling around in my head. I didn't get to her in time to save her. She was only 17 and that's all she got. And yet here I am, 56, just taking up space. She was such a great kid. Better than I ever deserved. Why couldn't it have been me instead of her?
  6. Steve's mom Praying for the new little fella. Like the name. I'm sure your son will be watching over him. I'm fairly new here. Sorry for the loss of your son. I lost my daughter in 2011.
  7. Mama dukes. Sometimes the first year is just so full of shock and disbelief, things don't become real til year two. A lot of people told me year two was harder. Did it help to go there and picture everything in your head. Is it something you feel u need to do again or did it give you peace. I'm not a professional so I don't know the answers are but you felt you had to do it, and that can't be wrong. Would it help to talk to people who where there that night. I hope you got some peace and comfort from going there and try not to tortuate yourself too much about what happened. Please keep coming to the this web site. There are so many kind and compasionate grieving parents all ready to help you. My email address is ltaylor50@rogers.com if you want to connect that way. We just all want to help you.
  8. Jojos mom. Truly sorry for your loss. I know your pain only too well. You r still so early in your grief and everything is so raw. You have come to a good place to get help. Please click on loss on an adult child. That is where every one posts. We are all here to help you. Hang on.
  9. Amyanne i am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. I lost my daughter almost six years and have just recently found this site. That is so wonderful you took on raising your granddaughters, although i can imagine how difficult that must be at times. I know what you mean that people don't understand but the people on this website do and have helped me so much already. I can barely still look at my daughters pictures. Please know you r not alone and let all of us help you thru this.
  10. Posted on wrong website
  11. Jeffs mom. Your r right about the anger. It just leads to more bitterness and misery. Sometimes I'm just angry at everything and everyone, but most of all myself. I need to let it go before it eats me alive. If it hasn't already.
  12. Becky. Happy birthday to your beautiful boy in heaven. If we could only turn the clock back u r right. My daughter was two years older than your Jared. Her birthday was January and struck pretty hard for us this year. Wishing you the strength to get thru today. The pictures are beautiful. Tommys mom and rainie. Thank you both for your kind and caring words. I know I have to do some real soul searching as I am living in a nightmare right now that just won't end. Thank you all for sharing. The body of a toddler was found in Edmonton today. They have made an arrest but they don't know who the baby belongs to yet. Yet another set of parents to enter this long and painful road of grief.
  13. Hoosier guy. Thanks for reminding me of others suffering. I'm truly sorry for all your friends. I sometimes get so lost in my own sorrow. At this web site we r all suffering the most painful loss of all. And it does help me to know that I am not alone in my grieving. You all r walking the same walk. Hope your chicken was good. I guess I'm the only one who has nothing better to do on a Saturday night than yap.
  14. Eric as mom. I am truly sorry for the horrible abuse you suffered as a child. You had already had your share of heartache before u even lost your child. That is way too much for one person to handle. And yet u grew up to be a teacher and caring mother. I am glad u found a good Dr. I don't think there r any where i live. All my siblings, people I used to work with and any one I still know from high school all have perfect homes, spouses, children, grandchildren, etc. Unless they r hiding things very well, they all have perfect lives. It's hard for me not to compare myself. But like i said to bob, i just take comfort in simple pleasures anymore. im afraid I will never be able to have a relationship with most friends and family again. I just cannot get past that they simple don't care. Some hung on a little longer than others but for one sister, all the rest are pretty much gone.i don't want to be angry though cause that is just one more negative feeling I have to deal with. I'm glad u have your sisters in your life. I'm so glad I found all of you. Thanks for sharing with me. And again am sorry for all the pain u have endured. If u have survived all u have perhaps I can too.
  15. Rainie. Thank you for your kind words. I cant begin to express the pain and sorrow I feel for you. You suffered enough as a child but then to have two children taken away. Incomprehensible. I am glad you found a good doctor. They r rare. I hope u have got rid of in-laws or found a way around them. U do not deserve to be treated that way. I don't know where u get your courage from but you r truly a shining example for all of us. Your boys were very nice looking and im sure were just as incredible on the inside. So you have two surviving children i take it from your picture? Thank you for giving me some hope. Again I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boys. Hugs.