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About Tinay

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 12/22/1971

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    Pierre, SD
  • Loss Type
    19 year old daughter
  • Angel Date


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268 profile views
  1. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hi everyone. Thank you all for the words of encouragement and support. I'm not much different today than I was yesterday. Had to get out to get laundry done. I'm hoping to hear good news about the patient care tech position by the end of the week. There are bank positions open as well. Just so tired of it all. I know I have come far. Just feels like one step forward and 20 back. Too many thoughts running through my head to even make sense of them. I just wanted to get on and tell everyone thank ok and I'm still here. Peace and love to all Tina
  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    I haven't seen a dr yet. I can't afford to. I am so struggling to get by. I....idk. Barely making it. I know I need everyone on here. I so need you all. Someone asked me the other day how I was doing. It was the first time I didn't have a response. I usually say ok. I'm getting by. This time I told her I honestly cannot tell you how I feel. I can't explain. Honestly, if I think about it, I'm drowning. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to think. I don't want to do anything. I just want to lay in bed. I cannot and will not believe she is gone. Too painful. Too heartbreaking. If I believe, it will tear me in two again. I cant
  3. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hi,. I've seem have entered a depression state. I'm wondering if anyone has ideas about medications I might seek. I don't want to be all non feeling but need something to help me not want to sleep all the time. My body is beginning to hurt from laying around. It's my skin when I get up. I know it's not healthy and my son is suffering too. I'm going to go see a doctor but would like anyone's experience with certain ones to possibly stay away from. Any ideas would be appreciated. Thank you I also have an interview at the woman's prison for a patient care tech. The niece that didn't call me names said "it could be therapeutic" for me. I don't know about that but hopefully it goes well. I'll keep everyone informed. Tina
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hi, I was going to do the lights this weekend but reached out to a niece and that didn't go well. Then my other niece text me calling me a bitch, dramatic and was told "f*** you". So there was that. Then today at work, was told we didn't get the 5year contract so as of January 1st, I don't have a job. Lovely. This has sent me in a downward spiral. Came home early to do my resume and apply for jobs.
  5. Loss of an Adult Child

    Please do not miss understand me. I'm glad they are at the point of moving on. I wish I was. I'm still in the denial stage
  6. Loss of an Adult Child

    It saddens me that the 2 have left. Everyone including you, Tommy's mom, help me so much. I'm sorry, I'm horrible with names. Unless it is in each post that is made. I know there are still some that are left here, but it's each person's experience and different words that help. I don't think it was anything anyone said. I could be wrong but everyone tells me to not take words too personal especially in typed responses. This is true for every typed communication whether it be here, or texts from others outside this site. And I hope no one takes mine offensively. We all need each other. I don't think it matters how long we have been on this journey, old and new, we still need each other. I could feel this way because I'm new. I just know I need everyone. I may not post daily but I read daily. It helps me. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm rambling. I'm trying not to hurt anyone for the choices they make for themselves. We have to make them. I'm just sorry they are gone. Tommy's mom- please don't leave us. I relate to you, and others. Since my kiona left, I have had a friend and 2 others that are family members of a parent that has lost a child. And 1 that lost her boyfriend of years together. Also, a co-worker and her husband passed away well. That is 5 deaths I'm trying to deal with as well as my own daughter in a matter of 8 months. Sometimes grieving their loss helps me grieve mine. But the people here help. I don't know what else to say except please don't leave. I'll stop for now. Love to all Tina
  7. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thank you. There are trees right beside my apartment, I don't know what kind. I just picked some dead branches and laid them in the yard deciding height and width. It was peaceful but sad at the same time. I don't think I'm very artistic but keep practicing till desired affect. I used fishing line (haha) and tacks to go attached to wall. I found the idea on Pinterest and used what was easiest for me. I'm not sure yet how I'm going to get the lights on without the branches falling off. I'll figure something out. Surprisingly enough, the kitten has left it alone.
  8. Loss of an Adult Child

    I had to download the picture of the tree. Although when I was looking to see if was in my phone prior, I saw a pic of my daughter and didn't remember when I'd seen it before. I tried finding it again and I can't. Maybe it will pop in later when I'm not looking for it again. I've been thinking lately that maybe the reason my daughter didn't want to see me on the weekend when she came home was because she knew I'd know something was wrong and question her until she told me. I know she was hurt around this time last year. She started drinking more. She probably knew I'd know.
  9. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hi. Learned early this morning a friend lost her 22 year old son to a car accident last night. Set my day up for a bad one. I talked to her daughter and let her know I'm here. She and my daughter were friends for a few years and did a lot of stuff together at my house. I reached out to the mom but don't expect a reply as it is so new. My heart is breaking all over again if that is even possible. I took a break at work and watched a little bit of the parade of lights. I started crying remembering how my kids loved those. I thought I'm not going to let it stop me from going home for Thanksgiving. I always have plan B. And I'll take it one day at a time for Christmas. Started my tree. It's different this year because I do not have room to put up my 7 foot one. I'll try and attach a picture. I'm going to put kionas strand of lights on she always had hanging in her room. Some decorations and a star. Peace and love to all
  10. Loss of an Adult Child

    Omg. My daughter is gone. Omg
  11. Loss of an Adult Child

    I am so mad Tonight. I am beyond pissed. My daughter is gone and I am mad. I'm furious. What do I do??? Cry. Doing that. Whaaaat. She isn't coming back to me. I'll never get to hold her. I'll never get to tell her how much she meant to me. It's so unbearable.
  12. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hi Well, two of those sentenced in their role in my daughter's passing broke a part of their conditions of their sentence. It's a typical one handed down, they were to be law abiding citizens for a year. One got a DUI. The other arrested for marijuana possession. What would happen typically is your suspended sentences would be revoked. Nope.....2 additional days to be spent around my daughter's birthday. 2 damn days. I did email the states attorney that handled my daughter's case and the one for the their revocation hearing asking for an explanation. And why were we not told of this revocation hearing. I would have been there to plead with the judge. Unbelievable. Hopefully, the states attorney in the counties where they were idiots, hand them hard sentences. They obviously learned nothing
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    I didn't say anything to her. Just went on with going over to her computer to see what she was talking about. I took offense in beginning but I was only 2 weeks in. I didn't say anything at that time either. Things also feel different. Not sure how to explain. Little things stop me dead in my tracks. I was doing crafts and watching Netflix. I head a heart monitor and then flat line. I looked up and thought, that's what they heard with my girl. But then realized, I think she was already gone before any machines were hooked up. The next night, I saw a white sheet... you know what happens. I thought, that was my girl. Then pushed the thought out because they wouldn't let us see her that way. I got to see her with the sheet already pulled down. These things didn't cross my mind before. Just starting to pop in. I suppose little bits at a time so I don't totally lose it. I do still go back to that gawd awful morning. I read something today that said to turn my grief over to God that way I can be happy again. I don't want to be happy again. I was grieving hard about every week. At least once or twice a good cry. I haven't done that in about a month or so. I feel it building inside again. I must look awful (hardly any sleep) because people ask how im doing. They've asked before but it seems different. Some just come to my desk and ask. I appreciate it. Just feels different. I guess everything feels different.
  14. Loss of an Adult Child

    Devianz, your pieces are amazing. I had a co-worker come up to me yesterday, she's an older lady, she asked if I was getting happier. I just said not really and it will take a while. She said, well and we talked about what she needed help with. Some back history, when I returned to work, she came up to me and said she was sorry for my loss and that we weren't going to talk about it. At the time I thought maybe she had gone through someone similar. Now, I just think she didn't know what to say and still doesn't. Well, off to work. Sending love and prayers Tina
  15. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hi. I can't remember everything that was asked. But I'll try. I am going to look for an attorney. They evidently didn't look closely at the video. A friend is going to watch it and let me know if I was seeing things or not seeing them. Another friend is going to ask his daughter, she is in another state but works for dci, about the video and what she thinks. He also knows a person that works for dci here. He's going to see if he will at least talk to me and possibly watch the video. A non-biased opinion. If my suspicions are true, the states attorney clearly dropped the ball. The only thing I can do is file wrongful death. I won't put myself and my son in financial debt. I have nothing to offer so it would have to be pro-bono. I will call all over the state until I find one. Even if it happens to be in the town where she passed. I've only told 2 family members I watched the video. One said nothing, my sister. The other asked why and then when I explained what I saw, she is on my side, that is the niece that has been behind me from the beginning. Though I feel she has been behind me because of her guilt of past not doings. But I'll take it for whatever reason. The video wasn't as hard as they made it sound like it would be. I think I distanced myself. I couldn't see her face. She was more like a mannequin laying there. Absolutely no movement. Heard her cry out. Next time I watch it, I'll have the volume off. There's so much I think I noticed from the video and pics comparison that my gut tells me something else went on. Perhaps she was already passed and this boy is a sociopath. I won't get into specifics just yet. I need to find out if it is just wishful thinking or actually true of what I saw. Tina