Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

Tinay

Members
  • Content count

    76
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Tinay

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 12/22/1971

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Pierre, SD
  • Loss Type
    19 year old daughter
  • Angel Date
    03/21/2017

Converted

  • Last Name
    York
  • First Name
    Tina
  • Zip
    57501

Recent Profile Visitors

204 profile views
  1. Loss of an Adult Child

    Why can't I believe she is gone? My beautiful baby girl I'm so tired. I just want to sleep my days and nights away. Throwing myself into crafts and work was probably not the best thing to do
  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    Angelica, I am so sorry for your lost of your beautiful baby. Your story, for lack of a better word, brings me to tears. I will be going on 7 months from losing my 19 year old daughter Kiona. You have come to the right place. The people on this sight have helped me tremendously and I'm sure they can guide you as well. Love to all Tina
  3. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hi all,. I know it's been a while. I'm just trying to keep my head above water. I keep my self busy as to not think so much. Last weekend I spent the night at a gf's. Wasn't the plan but much needed. She lost her bf about 3 months after I lost kiona. We cried, talked, cried...got too late to call my son, Grayson btw is his name, he had to work in am. He was worried I know. But I needed it. Homeschooling, well that he drives himself. I work full-time so I give him what subjects he needs to do and he does them. It's a combination of things, he got sick and missed almost all of 7th grade. And then bullying. So he is happy with homeschooling. Other than that, not much has changed. Increasing stress at work but it is what it is. I, for some reason went over to my daughter's things this am. I have her favorite earrings in a dish. I noticed one was gone and an angel statute was tipped off on to the floor. I looked for that earring for as long as I could. I was late for work. I couldn't find it. Kitty must know I'm not happy, she is cuddling up at my feet. Grayson said she probably ate it (it's a wooden flower tunnel type). I told him, I'll skin her. I won't, but I'll be fervently looking for it this weekend. Maybe I'll look some more after this. My sleep schedule is all screwed up. I was a night owl before but dang...with having Tuesday's off, I was up till 4:45 Monday night/Tuesday morning. That doesn't play well when I try and go to bed earlier Tuesday night. I still do not believe she is gone. 7 months on the 21st. Which I took the whole weekend off as it is Grayson's 17th birthday on the 21st. I'm not sure how either of us will do. Well I think that is long enough. Wishing everyone a peaceful night. Everyone is in my prayers. Know that even though I don't talk much, you all are in my prayers and heart. Tina
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hi Lou Ann, yea we decided not to move. My son Grayson is going to be 17 on the 21st. He is a junior. I homeschool him. Hope all is well with everyone. At least as well as can be. A virus has swept through our house. We are coming down from it but still makes a weak. Over all. Just plain tired.
  5. Loss of an Adult Child

    Asked again on Facebook where everyone went. I said I'm still here. Me and my son.
  6. Loss of an Adult Child

    Here I am listening to "better is one day in your court" holding my daughter's bag of ashes. Crying. This is what I have left. A bunch of ashes. This is all I have left to hold. All I have left to talk to. I don't want this to be all there is. I don't want this to be the end. I don't want to live 30+ years. I told my mom why I was jealous of her and dad and all she did was smile. That was a slap. How could she.
  7. Loss of an Adult Child

    I'm at work waiting for a mail merge to want to print. I went outside and was reading posts. I looked down and in the middle of a small pile of little leaves I saw this feather. I'll keep it and take it as a sign.
  8. Loss of an Adult Child

    It hurts so bad. I miss her so much. I can't believe this is my life. I can't believe my daughter is dead. Dead. It's agony. My feelings are written are easy compared to how I really feel. There are truly no words to describe my pain
  9. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hi everyone. I've been working homemade gifts for my family. Just little things to keep myself busy and not lay in bed all the time. We also draw names for the adults. My niece , the one who has helped me the most, drew my name. I finished my 11 year old great nieces pillow bed (1 down 5 to go) and sent that niece a pic of it. She called me tonight and said, she wanted to make me a memory quilt for my gift from her if I was ready to part with kiona's clothes. She was scared I know to ask. She had an apologetic tone. I think it's a very sweet idea. I told her I will think about it. I said all they do is sit in her suitcases and such. I've only gone through them once after the first time of getting them. That made me tear up. I'm sure it will do it again. I know I will be glad to get the quilt. I also texted her saying if/when I'm ready, I would like to have her bonnet she always wore added. She was concerned but I told her it doesn't have to be cut up, just added onto a block. This decision has me emotional. Course I've been extremely emotional lately. She is going to see if her grandmother can make it. She says it will probably be too hard for her mom to do it. I agree. My son said no to the move. He came up with all kinds of excuses, but after much prompting, he admitted it was too much work to move. So, I figured it was God's direction that we stay put. I did tell him that I was looking to get out if here to get away from the memories of that morning when the officers were at my door. He understands but still doesn't want to move. I will trudge forward. Deal with it best I can. My mom is coming into town tomorrow. She went to the hills to see her sister. I'm not sure she really wants to stop but I told her she needs to to look at kiona's flowers from her funeral and tell me if I'm doing something wrong. I don't know if I repotted them too many times, or they are sitting in wrong place for sunlight or what. She agreed to stop and spend the night. Tho she said she has to leave right away Friday. Running out of meds. I said that's ok, I understand. I truly do. Prayers to everyone. I'm going to continue on with crafts. I can't sleep much any way. Love and hugs to all Tina
  10. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hi Everyone, I just want to say I'm feeling a little bitter today. It is 6 months today that my daughter Kiona has been gone. Family members and a couple of her friends are posting on facebook how they miss her. I get they do, but they will never understand my anguish. I know everyone is dealing with it their own way and she touched so many lives. One of my nieces is asking for kiona's signature for a pendant thing for her bridal bouquet. Couldn't she have asked another day? Maybe it is her way of telling me she is thinking of Kiona. My bitterness comes in to where I don't want to give her anything. She backed away from me and only talks to me regarding her wedding. I gave it to her because that's how I am. No grudges. I've expressed my hurt feelings and she never responds to them. Letting go.....letting go......I just had to get that out there and not hold it in. Maybe today is a day that I don't need to talk to anyone....so broken, so anguished, I want to turn back the time, I want to see her, I want to hear her voice, hear her laugh. I MISS HER SO DAMN MUCH
  11. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hi Lou Ann, I did stop with the timing of things but seems the past couple of weeks it has come back to haunt me. Out of no where I wake up or something happens and I look at the clock and oh..look what time it is. No I don't work today. I do the scheduling so I schedule myself Tuesday's off. My son and I drove by the house we might rent. Holy huge yard. It is welcoming and felt comforting. With winter coming, we will have about 2 months max to enjoy it if we are able to rent it. Well I'm going to lay back down and hopefully I can fall asleep and sleep past that dreadful time my son received the call to wake me. Though with it on my mind, I doubt I will. Still going to try
  12. Loss of an Adult Child

    Here I am. Awake 4 minutes before they pronounced her. Soooo dang tired
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    Daunting
  14. Loss of an Adult Child

    I won't be leaving town and quitting my job. The place is just across town. I have been fighting the urge to leave town and start somewhere new. I know I can't just yet. I know the loss will follow me but the reminder of that morning with the cops at my door is too much some days. Weird thing is, my son and I were driving home the other day and I couldn't help but look at the lawns with flower beds and porches yearning for that. Then a co-worker approached me about her house. Seems like a sign to me but I've have friends and I am praying that God sends me in the right direction. Lord knows I can't make decisions anymore. I am still shattered. Mermaidtears-i am every thing you said and then some. I cry at the drop of a hat, I don't cry at the drop of a hat. Though it seems this past week I have been teary eyed all the time. Not just here and there. It's ALL the time. That's why I think I'm coming down with a cold but there are no other symptoms. I don't have allergies. Well I'm off work and home. Not sure what to do, lay down, continue with crafts for Christmas. I'm outside and hearing the helicopter fly around. It's the town just across the bridge bi-centennial and they are giving helicopter rides. That would be fun but....75.00 a ride. Now come on. I can see that for the Hills but here. Nope not gonna. Ok Oh and wouldn't you know it, my crown fell off my tooth. Was just sucking/biting on a Nips and boom. I go to dentist tomorrow. Hopefully that won't cost me an arm and a leg. Oh well Ok I'll stop rambling. Have a good evening everyone and thank you all so much for your support and kind words. Love and hugs
×