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fletch14

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About fletch14

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    Kimberly
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  1. It has been almost ten months since my mom passed away. I have had some of my lowest lows, and some moments where I feel like I am skating on the surface of life and am somewhat okay. Right now, unfortunately, I feel like I am in a very low place. My dad recently started dating someone else. Which is hard in so many ways. Mostly - I feel like he is moving on faster than I am. He has now taken off his wedding ring and removed photos of my mom from the house. It is possible that this helps with HIS grieving process, but it does not help with mine. I need my mom to stay with me, to be present in my daily life. My siblings are also not very helpful in terms of support, so I have been leaning on my dad mostly. And now I feel like I don't want to. Like he is moving on into this other life, and I just feel SO alone and family-less. I have talked to my dad about this, but it does not seem to help. Really what I feel like I need is space from everything. But since my dad lives close to me, I feel like everything (including this new woman) is in my face daily. I just feel like I have majorly regressed and I have tears in my eyes all the time. Any thoughts??
  2. Heartbroken

    It has been seven months since my mom passed away. Those flashbacks haunted me for awhile. But they did get better with time. Something my therapist recommended, was connecting those horrible flashbacks to some happy time you had with her - so when the images pop in your head, to gently shift your thoughts towards some happy memory. It took some time, but it did help. Hang in there. It is so hard, especially the first few months. You are legit going through trauma, and honestly, for me, it was just a matter of getting through it.
  3. My mom passed away about seven months ago - the grief process has been really hard, but I just felt like I was starting to be able to breathe. And now I just found out that my dad has started seeing someone (an old family friend). Given she lives in another state and it is early, he is talking very seriously about her, and even said he thinks he connects better with her than with my mom -- it may be his way of coping or what have you. But this all feels so abrupt, and I am just not ready for it. My dad has been my rock through all of this, and to have him being the reason that I am crying -- it is just really really hard. I obviously want him to be happy, it just feels so early. It doesn't help that I'm not sure how much I like this woman, and if they were to get serious, it adds this wild card into the already struggling family dynamic. Like imaging some other woman at our holidays, family vacations... it's just too much too soon. Has anyone dealt with anything like this, or does anyone have any tips? I understand he must be lonely, etc., but I am having a serious adverse reaction to it all. I have not stopped crying since I found out - I haven't cried this hard over my mom in months.
  4. Hi all, I lost my mom in March 2017 fairly suddenly. We waited until August to do the celebration of her life, which was just as she would have wanted. I am somewhat relieved to have the celebration done with, but I am stuck with... now what? How do you move on from this? She is still gone... and it still sometimes shocks me that she isn't coming back. I do some things to keep her presence with me... but generally it just is the worst. I was watching some videos of her, and hearing her voice is both heart warming and heart breaking. How do you keep putting one foot in front of the other? Does it get easier?
  5. Thank you everyone, I really appreciate your thoughts and support. I have spoken with my brother and it seems we have worked something out.
  6. I lost my mom six months ago, and it has been so hard in so many ways. I miss her every day so much it hurts. Lately, something awkward came up in my family and I'm wondering how others have dealt with it. We have not gone through my mom's stuff yet.. as I don't think we are quite ready. But my brother wants to propose to his girlfriend and asked if he could use my mom's engagement ring. This stung for many reasons. Obviously I know he has equal rights to the ring as I do... but it feels like I am losing another part of my mom. I am not married, and it would mean so much if I could use the ring someday. It feels weird to me that someone that is not her child (my brother's girlfriend) would have my mom's ring on her finger. I let him know that this upsets me, and now he is upset. I don't really care about the ring or worth or anything... just the meaning behind it, and knowing it would be gone forever to someone that is not her child (but connected to my brother), makes me so sad. Does anyone have experience with this kind of thing? I don't want to fight with my family over material items... but the sentiment behind the ring is really important to me.
  7. I lost my mom six months ago, and it has been so hard in so many ways. I miss her every day so much it hurts. Lately, something awkward came up in my family and I'm wondering how others have dealt with it. We have not gone through my mom's stuff yet.. as I don't think we are quite ready. But my brother wants to propose to his girlfriend and asked if he could use my mom's engagement ring. This stung for many reasons. Obviously I know he has equal rights to the ring as I do... but it feels like I am losing another part of my mom. I am not married, and it would mean so much if I could use the ring someday. It feels weird to me that someone that is not her child (my brother's girlfriend) would have my mom's ring on her finger. I let him know that this upsets me, and now he is upset. I don't really care about the ring or worth or anything... just the meaning behind it, and knowing it would be gone forever to someone that is not her child (but connected to my brother), makes me so sad. Does anyone have experience with this kind of thing? I don't want to fight with my family over material items... but the sentiment behind the ring is really important to me.
  8. Loss of Mother/Guilt

    I know me too... hardest thIng ever but no where else I'd rather be
  9. Loss of Mother/Guilt

    I agree... the process of seeing them on a ventilator is just awful. Like they are there, but not there.. and you are talking to them, but can they hear you? Ugh... And seeing your parent taking their last breath - it is just unbearable. The pain still consumes me at times.
  10. @Butterfly2017 - I also have a lot of flashbacks to the hospital. My mom passed away two months ago, and I have flashbacks to her coughing up blood, the look on her face when she realized she wasn't going to make it, how she looked while in a coma... they are all AWFUL. But... it has gotten somewhat better as time has passed here. I still have the flashbacks, but not as frequently. I can only help it continues to get better My therapist also recommended coupling the bad memories with a good memory you have of your mom. LIke when the bad memory comes up, try to think about a good memory... that has also helped to a certain extent.
  11. Loss of Mother/Guilt

    My mom passed away two months ago. It is so so hard. From what I have read and learned about grief, the "what-ifs" are a large part of the grieving process. I definitely had a ton of "what-ifs" immediately after her passing, and at times they still come up and consume me. But I think it's important to acknowledge them, and then let them pass... Thanks @missdad - I agree, I think people just know when their body is done. and My mom knew... even though I refused to listen to her. She kept saying, I don't think I'm going to get better... I think they just know, as hard as it is to hear.
  12. I just miss my mom

    Same with me @Whit B - my mom was everything to me. So much fun, such a lively personality. Her absence is just so obvious all the time. It just hurts to the depth of my core. Sorry you also are going through this. It is truly the worst.
  13. I lost my mom on March 5th - the most horrific day of my life. Since, I have been in a black hole of sadness and grief... at times curling up in a ball crying, and other times numbly stumbling through my days. Lately, I haven't been crying as much. I am wondering what it feels like when you start to heal, and resume any sort of normalcy in your life. I assume there are lots of ups and downs, but how do you know you are moving forward in, what feels to be, this never ending saga of sadness?
  14. Anxiety/Panic attacks

    I have been having major anxiety as well - I keep reliving the last couple days of my mom's life, and flashing back - and I am just panicked. Exercise has been helping me, as well as yoga/meditation. But some days I feel like I'm climbing an uphill battle against the anxiety. Hang in there!
  15. I just miss my mom

    Same with me. It has only been 1.5 months -- and I miss her so much sometimes it feels like I can't breathe. And I will have a semi normal day, and then all the sudden get hit like a mack truck by a wave of grief and I am right back to square one. It's like - what do you do with all of that love... and now what do you do when you miss her. I still just can't believe this happened. It is like a bad dream and I keep waiting to wake up. How do you go on, knowing that she is gone? UGH.
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