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fletch14

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About fletch14

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    Starbuck
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    Kimberly
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  1. Hi all, I lost my mom in March 2017 fairly suddenly. We waited until August to do the celebration of her life, which was just as she would have wanted. I am somewhat relieved to have the celebration done with, but I am stuck with... now what? How do you move on from this? She is still gone... and it still sometimes shocks me that she isn't coming back. I do some things to keep her presence with me... but generally it just is the worst. I was watching some videos of her, and hearing her voice is both heart warming and heart breaking. How do you keep putting one foot in front of the other? Does it get easier?
  2. Thank you everyone, I really appreciate your thoughts and support. I have spoken with my brother and it seems we have worked something out.
  3. I lost my mom six months ago, and it has been so hard in so many ways. I miss her every day so much it hurts. Lately, something awkward came up in my family and I'm wondering how others have dealt with it. We have not gone through my mom's stuff yet.. as I don't think we are quite ready. But my brother wants to propose to his girlfriend and asked if he could use my mom's engagement ring. This stung for many reasons. Obviously I know he has equal rights to the ring as I do... but it feels like I am losing another part of my mom. I am not married, and it would mean so much if I could use the ring someday. It feels weird to me that someone that is not her child (my brother's girlfriend) would have my mom's ring on her finger. I let him know that this upsets me, and now he is upset. I don't really care about the ring or worth or anything... just the meaning behind it, and knowing it would be gone forever to someone that is not her child (but connected to my brother), makes me so sad. Does anyone have experience with this kind of thing? I don't want to fight with my family over material items... but the sentiment behind the ring is really important to me.
  4. I lost my mom six months ago, and it has been so hard in so many ways. I miss her every day so much it hurts. Lately, something awkward came up in my family and I'm wondering how others have dealt with it. We have not gone through my mom's stuff yet.. as I don't think we are quite ready. But my brother wants to propose to his girlfriend and asked if he could use my mom's engagement ring. This stung for many reasons. Obviously I know he has equal rights to the ring as I do... but it feels like I am losing another part of my mom. I am not married, and it would mean so much if I could use the ring someday. It feels weird to me that someone that is not her child (my brother's girlfriend) would have my mom's ring on her finger. I let him know that this upsets me, and now he is upset. I don't really care about the ring or worth or anything... just the meaning behind it, and knowing it would be gone forever to someone that is not her child (but connected to my brother), makes me so sad. Does anyone have experience with this kind of thing? I don't want to fight with my family over material items... but the sentiment behind the ring is really important to me.
  5. Loss of Mother/Guilt

    I know me too... hardest thIng ever but no where else I'd rather be
  6. Loss of Mother/Guilt

    I agree... the process of seeing them on a ventilator is just awful. Like they are there, but not there.. and you are talking to them, but can they hear you? Ugh... And seeing your parent taking their last breath - it is just unbearable. The pain still consumes me at times.
  7. @Butterfly2017 - I also have a lot of flashbacks to the hospital. My mom passed away two months ago, and I have flashbacks to her coughing up blood, the look on her face when she realized she wasn't going to make it, how she looked while in a coma... they are all AWFUL. But... it has gotten somewhat better as time has passed here. I still have the flashbacks, but not as frequently. I can only help it continues to get better My therapist also recommended coupling the bad memories with a good memory you have of your mom. LIke when the bad memory comes up, try to think about a good memory... that has also helped to a certain extent.
  8. Loss of Mother/Guilt

    My mom passed away two months ago. It is so so hard. From what I have read and learned about grief, the "what-ifs" are a large part of the grieving process. I definitely had a ton of "what-ifs" immediately after her passing, and at times they still come up and consume me. But I think it's important to acknowledge them, and then let them pass... Thanks @missdad - I agree, I think people just know when their body is done. and My mom knew... even though I refused to listen to her. She kept saying, I don't think I'm going to get better... I think they just know, as hard as it is to hear.
  9. I just miss my mom

    Same with me @Whit B - my mom was everything to me. So much fun, such a lively personality. Her absence is just so obvious all the time. It just hurts to the depth of my core. Sorry you also are going through this. It is truly the worst.
  10. I lost my mom on March 5th - the most horrific day of my life. Since, I have been in a black hole of sadness and grief... at times curling up in a ball crying, and other times numbly stumbling through my days. Lately, I haven't been crying as much. I am wondering what it feels like when you start to heal, and resume any sort of normalcy in your life. I assume there are lots of ups and downs, but how do you know you are moving forward in, what feels to be, this never ending saga of sadness?
  11. Anxiety/Panic attacks

    I have been having major anxiety as well - I keep reliving the last couple days of my mom's life, and flashing back - and I am just panicked. Exercise has been helping me, as well as yoga/meditation. But some days I feel like I'm climbing an uphill battle against the anxiety. Hang in there!
  12. I just miss my mom

    Same with me. It has only been 1.5 months -- and I miss her so much sometimes it feels like I can't breathe. And I will have a semi normal day, and then all the sudden get hit like a mack truck by a wave of grief and I am right back to square one. It's like - what do you do with all of that love... and now what do you do when you miss her. I still just can't believe this happened. It is like a bad dream and I keep waiting to wake up. How do you go on, knowing that she is gone? UGH.
  13. Thank you @zita and @reader! That does help - I'm going to try the lavender tablets!
  14. @anxious - thanks for posting that link. I found it really helpful, as I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety following my mom's sudden (and traumatic) death.
  15. I'm so sorry for your loss. I totally get it. 100%. My mom died 5 weeks ago of pneumonia and sepsis. At the end, she was coughing up blood and looking so scared and then was put on a breathing tube... and I can't get these visions out of my head. My therapist told me to try to couple those bad images with a really great image you have in your head of her. I specifically remember this one time when we went snorkeling and she looked so funny with the mask on... it's hard but I keep trying. and i know... it's so hard to imagine being happy again. I hear that the day will come but hard to believe. hang in there!
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