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    Grandmother, 2 great aunts, great uncle
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  1. I've been told to move on, to think of other things, that I should not be angry. I've been told that time heals the pain, that those hard moments will stop. I've been told that I should not still be grieving, that Gram would not want me to. I've been told to think of the happy times, that remembering sadness will not help. I am here to tell you that I am not okay, that there are hard days. I am here to tell you that the hard moments still hurt, that time has not healed this gaping hole in my chest. I am here to tell you that my grief is none of your damn business, that I know what she wanted for me. I am here to tell you that I try every day to just remember everything about her. I am here to tell you that I am still grieving, the loss of her has shaken my core, has left me broken. I will not be happy all the time, I will not make you okay, because I am not.
  2. I am sorry to hear of your loss. I too have experienced anger in my grief journey. I do believe it is normal to have anger at some point in your grief. I would like to say it gets better but I am still very much in the anger part of my grief. My grandma passed away in January and I am very angry/upset with my sister whom lived with her for 10 plus years. The past two weeks or so have been much better as I have put my anger on the back burner and not really paid attention to my family. It has made by home life much better with my husband and son. I know I will have to get to it but I am just not ready to address that. The advice I have it so try and focus on the good in your life and not dwell on the past, it eats away at you. I am not going to say to avoid it because I know that is unhealthy but try to focus on your you and your immediate family and their needs. Try to keep afloat and positive. Hope this helps.
  3. My sister has been selfish while living with her. Doing what she wanted when she wanted, fighting with her significant other so that others in the house could hear, and a few other things as well. I learned most of this after Gram passed.
  4. It is hard to lose someone you love, especially a beloved grandparent. My grandma died in January of this year. It has been and up and down battle of emotions since then inside me. Just being there for your grandmother is a blessing. Hug her, love her. Even sitting in silence with her may be comforting. But do not forget yourself in this either. Take time for you to work through your grief.
  5. Thank you for your reply Reader. I have spent that past few days moving away from my family. I have focused more on my immediate surroundings and have felt a little better. I don't like feeling angry and bitter so for now I am just avoiding. I know I will have to deal with it eventually. Just not now.
  6. My grandmother died in January of this year. She was the best woman I knew. My older sister lived with her for the last 12 years, along with her 3 kids and their father. I knew a lot of what went on in the house over the 12 years (some good, some bad). During the 5 months since Gram has passed, I have found out some more. I am so so angry at my sister for the grief she put my grandma through. I am beyond pissed and cannot stand to think of her with any thoughts that are nice. My grandmother opened her home to her and her family and while there was some good that happened, I can't help but think of the bad and how that affected my grandma. I am angry at my grandmother for helping to enable my sister over the last 12 years. I am angry at myself for being upset with her. I am pissed at my parents for also providing the enabling...even now after my grandmother's death. My sister is still in her house, not paying a damn dime and is acting like everything is fine. And then when I express myself to my family all I get is, "your sister is going through a tough time, your sister is the one who lived with her, you should be nice to your sister, spend time with her." I want to scream, yell, hurt something. I do NOT want to spend time with her, show her compassion. She is selfish, I want to tell her this. I want her to know that she is not a good person, that she hurt grandma and does not deserve to still be in that house. I want to see her hurt. Even as I type this, I know it is wrong on some level but damnit, she has done enough.
  7. Thanks Reader. It is a journey I am determined to make. Each day, one day at a time.
  8. Thank you for sharing this website... my grandmother died almost 5 months ago and I am too far to visit her grave. I struggle with my feelings about her death a lot. I am going to try this website to see if it can help.
  9. Moving forward feels like losing bits of you, I can't lose your memory. Most days I don't think of you frequently, when I realize that it is like a blow to my chest. When I do remember, it usually encompasses pain. But pain helps me to remember, I need to remember you. Life without you hurts, what I wouldn't give to have you back.
  10. I am so sorry to hear about your Nan. I lost my Gram back in January. I was very close to her, much like you were to your Nan. I encourage you to talk with your family about your grief. They may be going through some other life things but sharing memories may help you all. Reach out to someone, you are not alone.
  11. Hey reader, The group went well enough. Every one had their own way of handling grief and it was helpful to know I was not alone. I am unsure if I would go to this particular one again but I did feel welcomed there. They offered support by simply acknowledging that I was grieving. I did not have to put on a front in front of these people. I could be me in my grief. I got to talk about my grandma and how she was when she was alive. It felt good to do. Why can't I do this with family? I am not sure at this time. Thanks for the thoughts. I do appreciate them.
  12. I am attending a grieving support group this week. I have never been to one, never thought I would need one. I am unsure what to expect. I am hoping that it helps... for anything to help. So many emotions boiled up inside. We will see if it helps.
  13. It is hard when we feel overwhelmed. I too find myself in those moments. It helps me to think about my loved ones and what they would want for me. The overwhelming thoughts slow down and I find I can breathe again. My thoughts are with you.
  14. Thank you both for reading. it helps me to write poetry or even just my thoughts down. Sometimes it all gets lost in the mess of life and I need to slow down and reflect. Day by day is great advice and I strive to do this. I appreciate your comforting words!
  15. I miss you. Every day. I do not tell anyone. It is a secret I keep buried most of the time. I do not want to burden anyone. No one knows this weight I bear on my chest. Nothing prepared me to say goodbye. Nothing prepared me for this pain. I miss you. More so than yesterday. How can I do this without you?