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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

Autocharge

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  • Content count

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About Autocharge

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Texas
  • Loss Type
    Wife
  • Angel Date
    05/25/2016

Recent Profile Visitors

458 profile views
  1. The L word Last night after a Christmas party at Carla's work she told me “ I love you “. She was emotional almost in tears and also said ” I wasn't expecting this when I met you “. A moment passes I say “okay” a moment of Silent passes and I say “we're good” that's all I could think of . This morning everything seems normal but now I worry about how do I respond if she says it again. I'm confused about how I feel . Autocharge (moving forward “new normal”)
  2. Looks like it could be sometime in 2019 now. Autocharge
  3. What a Year What a year where to start I had three water leaks lost a refrigerator and lost a freezer that included 350 lb of meat and that's just the house. Had to make a midnight run to rescue my daughter from college , Just to see her return the next semester. Had the transmission in her car fixed just so she could wreck it 2 months later. Now she wants to quit college and become a police officer. My son graduates this December without enough credits because of the college. He has to return next semester to take two courses and he should feel thankful because "they're" going to let him walk Across the stage this December. I took my first civilian cruise out of Galveston must have been good because I'm planning on taking another cruise this February. I meet Carla this year, we have now been seeing each other for 6 months. Work called me up and convinced me to come out of retirement, so I now have a job that in the end is going to take me to Algeria for 3 years . I found myself at the little league playoffs in waco texas for a week, and in Houston for a week during Harvie rescuing people. I went rafting down the Brazos river and Kayaking in Oklahoma. I vacationed in Idaho, Washington, California, and Mexico (Lapaz). Jumping out of an airplane at 13,000 feet and driving the Bahaj were two of the best highlights of the year. I cleaned up most of the shop and managed to get a woodworking project in but not completed (my headboard for the bed). I had 3 calves this year and sold all 10 of the cows to my neighbor. At the time I thought I was bored and had nothing to do during my retirement. Looking back, I didn’t have enough time and planning anything else if I had wanted to would have been impossible. What a Year. Autocharge (moving forward “new normal”)
  4. Djh0901kc, Thanks for your comment. Autocharge
  5. M88, It sounds nice. only time will tell. Autocharge
  6. KayC, I was reviewing my thread when I found your quote. It turns out you are more right then you could have possibly imagined .Carla and I have been seeing each other for almost 6 months now she is a widow of 5 years has two kids roughly the same age as mine she lives 4 miles from me . She is a year older than me and we understand each other tremendously . Although I didn't use your advice in the efforts to find Carla, It turns out you are right. Widowed people get it. Autocharge (moving forward”new normal”)
  7. The Center There is no doubt my wife was the center of the family as I look at a picture of her 40th birthday. I had such fear that year. I just knew it would be the year We lost her, leaving me with two young kids to finish raising. I was wrong she made it to her 51st birthday. My son graduates college this Dec. , My daughter is trying to join the local police force and My work is taking me to Oklahoma City . The family is going in different directions without a center now , I worry about this . What does the future look like ? The holidays will never be the same I question whether or not we will come together for the holidays .Will we be able to come together, work schedules could get in the away I guess that is Life, part of growing up, doesn't mean I have to like it . I think we would have all made a larger effort to come together if she was here. For she is the center of the family No doubt about it . Halloween now Thanksgiving the house doesn't get decorated anymore I miss it but I don't have the strength to do it . Things are changing and I don't like it but I guess it's the new normal now . I don't feel the sorrow or the sadness that I did during the first holidays without her but the emptiness is still there . The center is not here to hold us together for the holidays. Things will never be the same. Autocharge(moving forward “new normal”)
  8. Lost and Alone

    KayC, your correct. I did notice that I had not added it to the First post of my thread as I had intended. It has been added as of now. I plan on updating the file soon. Sorry for the confusion. Autocharge
  9. Lost and Alone

    A thread titled Want to share my experience. By Andy, January 27 in Loss of a Partner Autocharge
  10. KMB, Your right things do seem to be going well but I’ll let you and everyone else in on something. Everyday is hard simply put I’m here and she is not(my wife). I get up everyday and yes I think about her everyday all day. I move forward. I have moments where I feel good but I’m still looking for that day were Im happy all day long. I still don't have a plan for the further, just one day at a time. I question if I’m making the right decisions. Carla is a good woman but I lost part of me when my wife died a part that I trusted blindly without hesitation. I am incomplete. I don't know what I want, if anything. “Going well” don't be fooled and don't envy me. Could things be worse, Yes. I am trying hard to move forward. Sorry for the above post just confused today. I attended a ceremony for veterans at the High School where our kids attended. The kids put together a video of the interviews and stories that the veterans had. One of them was mine, about how my wife waited until I got back from a 6 month cruise to have my son the very next day at 4:30am. It is a small school system and we were very involved with it. So after the ceremony several of the Teachers came up to me and expressed their condolences/grief for my “loss”. The school was like a second extended home with all the kids and adults. I understand what they did but it also was extremely hard for me. I don't know what I'm feeling but I needed to post, and can't wait to read everyone's comments. Autocharge (moving forward”new normal”)
  11. Lost and Alone

    Hello Andy and I have very good threads with lots of topics. In one of these topics I posted about helping “newcomers”. “ Newcomers please see "Table of contents" attachment and then word search this forum.” I’m never happy to see newcomers post to this forum for the “Loss” is always sad. You're not alone . Autocharge (moving forward "new normal")
  12. The Dream II It’s been 8 months since I have had a dream with my wife in it. This one was just as powerful as the previous ones. I wake up wanting to go back to the dream and be content staying their. I am much happier in the dream then I'm in reality. I do hope this changes one day soon. In this dream my wife had no clue as to what I was talking about in regards to her having cancer and being paralyzed. She felt sorry that I was so distraught over feeling this way. She told me “it,s ok”. She could move her legs and that just amazed me. As I reached out to touch her legs I woke up. I so wanted to go back to that dream. Autocharge(moving forward”new normal”)
  13. The choices II The interview turned into a JOB. I accepted the offer and start Nov 6th. I’ve been unable to post due to work moving slowly on the offer, oh and me taking a vacation that started out by going to Oakland Ca. and then driving down to La paz mexico. I drove my MIL and her friend down in their SUV the last two days. So I’m on vacation for the next 5 days and then it’s back to the “salt mine”. I’m working on some pic’s and videos now, will post later. Autocharge(moving forward”new normal”)
  14. I log into this forum to see if anybody has posted, my friends my grief friends. Then I start reading the new post or the post that I have missed. I hate feeling the sorrow and pain in the new threads, it brings back the memories. SO MUCH PAIN out their. Autocharge
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