Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Autocharge

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
  • Loss Type
  • Angel Date

Recent Profile Visitors

746 profile views
  1. The 2nd Cruise I just got back from my second civilian cruise and yes Carla went with me .It was a great cruise. I had lots of fun, I'll post a few pictures after I'm done typing. This Cruise stopped in Key West Florida the Bahamas, Freeport and Nassau then back to Galveston . It was a 7 day cruise I even participated in a synchronized swimming contest against the ladies and the guys won. So now I have a meddled to show for my humiliation and the great fun that everyone enjoyed at my expense. Carla and I also went parasailing and swam with the dolphins it was great . Once again I put on 10 lb in 7 days the food is just way too good . Now I'm going to spend the next three months trying to lose the weight, get back down to pre-cruise weight . This Cruise took place during my wife's birthday February 6th I didn't know what day of the week it was until I signed a release form for the parasailing. Then it hit me, but I was okay with it and still had fun the rest of the day. It didn't hit me as hard as it did last year . Carla and I would meet people in the hot tub or in the swimming pool and we would start chit-chatting and they were amazed at our story or our situation it was interesting to see how people reacted . Many people assumed we were married after finding out that we weren't some would pick on us ask us if we were going to get married it was fun . Carla would talk about her husband or I would say something about my wife people would get the strangest looks on their face they just couldn't figure it out at first . I remember my first cruise, I posted about it on here sometime back it was such a lonely cruise for me however this Cruise was not, thanks to Carla . Autocharge (moving forward “new normal”)
  2. Kayc, You are correct On a side note. I made it out to Gettysburg today. What can I say, wow. I highly recommend it, go If you get the chance. Just a few pics I took with my cell phone. Autocharge
  3. Who comes First? Well I'm on the road again (business trip). This Time in York Pennsylvania for a week. I'm at a facility having some training meeting people for the first time. When the conversation turner's to my job description, more to the point about me going overseas for 3 years. I get asked the question are you married? I hesitated and I started thinking do I say “no I've got a girlfriend or do I tell a complete stranger that I lost my wife almost 2 years ago and get the sympathy from a stranger. Then I thought I don't want to dishonor her “my wife”, in anyway. Which is better, I'm talking to a stranger telling them I lost my wife 2 years ago or I got a girlfriend both are true. How does it sound if I tell them both? What does it say about me? Why am I hesitating? I'm a widower with a girlfriend. Who comes first my wife or my girlfriend? I told him I was Widower I lost my wife 2 years ago , and I took the sympathy. Didn't mention my girlfriend. What does that say? Autocharge (moving forward”new normal”) Ps : Does anyone know of something I should try to see or do while I'm here?
  4. 2nd guess the choices Lost of my husband best friend By Lonely spouse, April 19, 2017 On 8/29/2017 at 7:50 AM, Eagle-96 said: I must admit that I still struggle with 2nd guessing the trust I put in doctors when Lori had her heart attack. It eats at me every day and probably will the rest of my life. You trusted the advice of a doctor. And why wouldn't you. They are the experts. You had no reason to believe that the doctor was doing anything but the best for him. You did the best you could with the information you had at the time. What I am saying is that YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. This would have been my response to this topic but It wasn't in a timely manner. So I chose not to derail the thread with my tardiness. “2nd guess the choices” My wife “Trish” fought cancer for 16 years. 16 years of “choices”. During her last reacourance and after she had passed. I to reflected on 16 years of choices and 25 years of career paths(should I have been a doctor instead of an engineer?). All the if a, would a, could a, should a’s. In the end It is what it is, and I have to deal with it. Doesn't make it any easier but it is my reality now. Reflecting is normal for the sain. Autocharge (moving forward”new normal”)
  5. Lost of my husband best friend

  6. She’s not here anymore 3 weeks ago I noticed when I came home from work. I didn't look for my wife to be sitting in her chair in the living room. I thought maybe it was a fluke, so it's now been 3 weeks each time I come home I'm not expecting to see her in the chair. I'm not sure what to think of this. I think of her everyday it's just I feel uncomfortable not expecting to see her. Something has changed, I feel it. Autocharge (moving forward "new normal")
  7. Loss of Wife 15 months ago

    Boom Boom, My thread Starts out with me telling about my experiences with online dating. It might just give you some insight. http://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/topic/10742-autocharge-my-experience/ My last post has a table of contents for the thread. Autocharge
  8. The one month mark - losing the love of my life

    Sorry to hear about your high heart rate, maybe it's comforting to know I also suffer from a heart arrhythmia it causes me to have high heart rates , up to 280 beats a second for a few seconds. Over 11 years I've had 5 surgeries and I now manage it with just a little bit of medication. I hope it works out for you, it is manageable just give the doctor's some time . Autocharge
  9. To help all those in search of information. This is my thread, The list of topics covered this year. The fastest way to get to the correct page is to do a wordsearch, to get to what your interested in. I hope it helps someone. Table of contents. My experience ! Purpose: People say stuff Dating : The Start: The Research: The online dating thing. The dream Who we are: The Dinner: The Dinner part II: My wife was my foundation The Dinner part III The Final break up (I hope) The Cruise The Cruise part II The cruise it’s over. Believing(Faith,spirit) Transition from married to feeling single Ashes Moving Stuff: Getting out of my comfort zone. Getting out of my comfort zone. II Getting out of my comfort zone. III Wanting to Post Weight Loss Moving Her things Date number 3 What memories will she have? The Talk The Road Trip The nephew's graduation The one year mark. A life well lived! Type A I did what I always do, I analyzed her blog. Sometimes when you search, you don't like what you find. Senior night Bob I’m sorry Date #4 when I go grocery shopping(the loss) Grocery Shopping Getting outside my comfort zone IV Got past date number 4 Crossing the Bridge, introducing the grilfriend to the family New Comers Crossing the Bridge, introducing the grilfriend to the family II Crossing the Bridge, introducing the grilfriend to the family III Crossing the Bridge, Moving into a Relationship NEWBIES Crossing the Bridge, Moving into a Relationship II My Daughter Autocharge Crossing the Bridge, Moving into a Relationship III Wedding Anniversary Moving Her things II Crossing the Bridge, Moving into a Relationship IV My mother-in-law My mother-in-law II The choices The choices II The Dream II The Center What a Year The L word Autocharge (moving forward"new normal")
  10. The L word Last night after a Christmas party at Carla's work she told me “ I love you “. She was emotional almost in tears and also said ” I wasn't expecting this when I met you “. A moment passes I say “okay” a moment of Silent passes and I say “we're good” that's all I could think of . This morning everything seems normal but now I worry about how do I respond if she says it again. I'm confused about how I feel . Autocharge (moving forward “new normal”)
  11. Looks like it could be sometime in 2019 now. Autocharge
  12. What a Year What a year where to start I had three water leaks lost a refrigerator and lost a freezer that included 350 lb of meat and that's just the house. Had to make a midnight run to rescue my daughter from college , Just to see her return the next semester. Had the transmission in her car fixed just so she could wreck it 2 months later. Now she wants to quit college and become a police officer. My son graduates this December without enough credits because of the college. He has to return next semester to take two courses and he should feel thankful because "they're" going to let him walk Across the stage this December. I took my first civilian cruise out of Galveston must have been good because I'm planning on taking another cruise this February. I meet Carla this year, we have now been seeing each other for 6 months. Work called me up and convinced me to come out of retirement, so I now have a job that in the end is going to take me to Algeria for 3 years . I found myself at the little league playoffs in waco texas for a week, and in Houston for a week during Harvie rescuing people. I went rafting down the Brazos river and Kayaking in Oklahoma. I vacationed in Idaho, Washington, California, and Mexico (Lapaz). Jumping out of an airplane at 13,000 feet and driving the Bahaj were two of the best highlights of the year. I cleaned up most of the shop and managed to get a woodworking project in but not completed (my headboard for the bed). I had 3 calves this year and sold all 10 of the cows to my neighbor. At the time I thought I was bored and had nothing to do during my retirement. Looking back, I didn’t have enough time and planning anything else if I had wanted to would have been impossible. What a Year. Autocharge (moving forward “new normal”)
  13. Djh0901kc, Thanks for your comment. Autocharge
  14. M88, It sounds nice. only time will tell. Autocharge
  15. KayC, I was reviewing my thread when I found your quote. It turns out you are more right then you could have possibly imagined .Carla and I have been seeing each other for almost 6 months now she is a widow of 5 years has two kids roughly the same age as mine she lives 4 miles from me . She is a year older than me and we understand each other tremendously . Although I didn't use your advice in the efforts to find Carla, It turns out you are right. Widowed people get it. Autocharge (moving forward”new normal”)