Thanks for your response. It is nice to hear. Well, I will vent just a bit. I took a new leadership position that is requiring me to institute a number of major changes to the program I run. These are big and there is inertia and occasional resistance from entrenched employees, but that is really manageable and expected. The bigger stress for me is that every action has a reaction...and another and another. So as I am implementing changes there are so many additional issues, tasks, and contingencies that emerge to deal with that every week my inbox is piling up faster than my outbox and I'm overwhelmed at times. It feels like the process is endless.
But my first priority is my wife. So each morning and evening I pay attention to how she's doing. Is it a better day or a bad day. Some days seem almost normal. But, there are so many reminders of her mom and her mom's passing. If it's a bad day, I try to be as supportive as I can, but sometimes mustering up the patience and empathy is hard when I am stressed and trying to manage it all myself. I will certainly try to find some support elsewhere (like here!), but she is my best friend and my soul mate. It's hard to see her suffer and it's hard to not be getting any emotional support back from her. Sunday mornings are very difficult because her mom passed on a Sunday morning. But that is also one of the few times during the week that we have time to really be together. But every Sunday is a bad day so far and it quickly requires empathy, listening, and trying to comfort her. I get that. It's a responsibility I accept. But it also means I can't vent or seek support, and we are not as physically affectionate either. I am ok. I tell myself it's a long process and right now my needs are not the priority. I accept it but I am becoming more depressed as time goes on. Yet, I fear communicating this to her. Hence, I've joined this site.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.