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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

Christopher's Mom

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About Christopher's Mom

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Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    Plainfield, IL
  • Interests
    knitting, reading, dancing
  • Loss Type
    23 year old son died unexpectedly
  • Angel Date


  • Occupation
    Social Worker
  • Last Name
  • First Name
    Mary Ellen
  • Zip

Recent Profile Visitors

130 profile views
  1. Loss of an Adult Child

    It has been awhile since I have visited this site. These past few weeks have been very difficult, my job as a social worker is extremely draining and I find I have NOTHING left to give at the end of the day. My husband is retired so he is home and I am no help or company to him when I get home. This school year doesn't end for another 3 weeks and working with students is just too hard. I'm doing everything I can do to hang in and get to the last day. I'm so hoping time off this summer will help me get myself together and be ready to come back in August with the commitment & enthusiasm I once had, my students deserve better than what I am currently able to give. My husband and I celebrated our 25th Anniversary in April. Prior to Chris passing away the month before, we had planned a party and ultimately decided we would go forward with it. We had a good time and it was wonderful to have all the people we loved in one room together for a few hours......but Chris wasn't there and that was on my mind throughout the evening. Mother's Day was awful, truth is this wasn't the first awful mother's day - for the last 8 year or so they have all been bad. Chris would be angry, or in a rehab program, or a residential facility or home but out with his friends not even acknowledging the day. The only difference this year was that I always had hope that next year could be different. Now there is no hope that things will ever be different, just this dark empty place that aches more and more with each passing day.....
  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    Happy Easter to all of you! Thank you Luann, Erica's mom and Tommy's Mum for sharing your experiences and wisdom. We made it to church today and I made it thru without crying then we met friends for brunch for a couple of hours and then we have been home together, quiet but ok. I don't have any family in Illinois so there are no issues about visiting or not visiting family because to do that requires a plane flight . I don't know who suggested it but I really like the idea of doing something for other moms on Mother's Day instead of focusing on what I don't have. Probably can't get anything together in time for this year but certainly going forward I can. Mary Ellen
  3. Loss of an Adult Child

    Good Morning i have looked forward to reading each new post on this forum and taking the wisdom and comfort so many of you share. It has been 6 weeks since Chris died and it seems the sadness and ache grows stronger everyday. I was able to go to the coroner's website and found that Chris died from an overdose of heroin mixed with fentanyl. Paul and I were so clueless! We knew Chris had struggled with drug abuse and bipolar ---teenage years were very, very hard for all of us. Chris would say he never tried and would never try heroin and now we find this- One of my biggest fears while waiting for the coroners report was that Chris died in pain or was scared from what I have found out it is more likely that he went to sleep and stopped breathing. In some bizarre way there is a little bit of peace believing this. Not sure what I do now Sunday is Easter and our first holiday and Mother's Day is right around the corner Chris was my only child what do you do on Mother's Day when your child is dead? This all hurts so much
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thank you Erica's Mom and Tears in Heaven for your wisdom and caring. This feels like a safe place -- while each of our experiences are different the pain is similar and that provides me with real comfort, thank you
  5. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thank you for all the responses It's hard to believe a month has gone by since Christopher died. The "numb" has worn off and been replaced by a constant ache, I think about him all the time & every picture of him brings on such intense longing to be able to hold him and hear his voice again. I'm attaching a picture of him, I miss him so much!
  6. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hi Joe's Mom, Thank you for responding to my note. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't begin to tell you how much time I spend re-playing every moment of Christopher's life looking for where we went wrong. What could we have done differently, I'm a social worker! I help other people's kids but could not help my own - feel so much guilt and emptiness. My eyes burn from crying so much -
  7. Loss of an Adult Child

    My son Christopher died 2 weeks ago on March 2nd unexpectedly. We are not even sure of the cause of death but suspect an accidental overdose. It will be weeks until the coroner's report comes back. I'm back to work but completely useless. My heart is broken and I can't seem to focus on anything or organize my thoughts. How do you live with this never-ending heartache?